What cathedrals can teach us about parenting...

And I will also be diligent that at any time after my departure you may be able to call these things to mind 2 Peter 1:15

This verse has long been my parenting prayer, that not only would I work hard to invest God’s Word in my children,but especially that they would remember His timeless truths long after my voice has been silent. These past couple of weeks, as I’ve watched the reports on the burning of the regal Notre Dame Cathedral, this passage keeps coming to mind.

The world continues to mourn the burning of this masterpiece. And rightly so. Even though I never saw it except in pictures (based on social media posts, I am fairly certain I am in the 1/2 of 1 % of the world who falls in this category!), I can easily appreciate its beauty, its splendor, and even more, its significance.

Its significance. What it stands for, what it represents, what it epitomizes.

Of course, the breathtaking architecture. And especially the spiritual magnitude it embodies. But there are other beautiful buildings, other majestic places of worship. Why does the loss of this ancient cathedral hit us all so hard?

I think it has something to do with its construction. All that went into getting it built. Over a century of labor, generations of workers toiling without any of the modern technological advantages. Resulting in grandeur almost beyond our imagination. A whole lot of hard work.

And the message that kept beating in my heart related to parenting. Well, of course! And I was reminded of the above passage in 2 Peter and it resonated all the more.

Let’s unpack my thoughts together……

First, what did it take to construct this marvel of history?

A whole lot of hard work over 150 years! The plans for Notre Dame, according to historical reports, were relatively simple drawings, based on “elementary mathematical ratios” . The concept for construction was passed down from one generation of workers to the next, a “collage of architectural trends and leadership rather than the culmination of one person’s vision”. (Notre Dame construction/visualartscork.com) Surely, the majority of these laborers (whose names are not preserved for posterity) knew they would never see final product! And yet, millions of people have benefited from their work; untold numbers have enjoyed and appreciated the beautiful product of their endeavors.

I was struck by the similarities to parenting….

First of all, raising kids is A LOT of hard work! And it takes place over a long period of time - as in a lifetime! Can I get an “Amen!”??? Don’t get me wrong - I absolutely know it’s worth it. For sure. But can we all just admit the truth - it’s a lot of hard work! A lot of hard work done in anonymous obscurity, too. Untold efforts that no one ever notices….just like those cathedral laborers….

And, for a lot of seasons, it can feel like a thankless job. I mean, I don’t know about you, but not a single one of mine during the toddler years thanked me for changing their diapers, much less for training them to obey authority immediately. Quite the opposite, in fact - they fought me every step of the way!

So we can identify with those cathedral-builders, can’t we? We understand what “diligence” means!

But I take a lot of comfort from the thought that these magnificent cathedrals were based on relatively simple plans. It’s quite tempting to think that not only is there some SECRET magic formula for parenting, but also that it’s so complex we could never attain to it. When in truth, that is just not the case! God’s Word holds all the principles we need for the job. Seriously. The Bible gives us wisdom and power for how to treat people - and that’s what parenting is, treating little people. It’s a lot of hard work, to be sure, but it’s not unbearably complex. And, as we learn and grow ourselves, we can adjust our application of the Truths that do not change. That’s comforting.

At the same time, however, it is beyond our ability to do it successfully, alone. Just as these grand cathedrals required massive resources, so does parenting. The primary resource, of course, is the work of the Holy Spirit. It is He and He alone who can grow these kids of ours into masterpieces, He and He alone who can transform self-centered hearts into vessels of beauty and blessing. So the first resource for cathedral-building is the Holy Spirit — His Wisdom, His guidance, His power.

Sometimes, God supplies what we need for parenting through other people. It’s all still from Him but often He gets the job done through the gifts and presence of others. That’s surely been my experience! A piano teacher, a coach, social etiquette programs, Sunday School teachers, even the parents of my kids’ friends - all have played extremely significant roles in equipping my little cathedrals for grandeur. I am way too inadequate to even think I am all they need so I gladly rely on the strengths of others to contribute to my kids’ lives. (But I am mighty picky about who is in their “child-raisin’ village”….just sayin….)

Maybe the most critical element of cathedral building - other than that it’s a lot of hard work (did I mention that already?) - is embracing the truth that the fruit of our labor will not be finished in our lifetime. To be sure, we do get to enjoy some fruit. Thank the Lord! Some results of the work will be visible before we are gone and that is indeed precious. Treasure beyond compare.

But most of who our kids will be won’t be visible in our lifetime. The lives they will bless are largely in a future we won’t visit. And, yet, we know the future — and the fruit — will come…so we keep building. We learn a little more and tweak a little here. We involve the strengths of others and praise God for His supply. Mostly we invite the work of the Holy Spirit - in their lives and ours - and we wait. Working while we wait. Praying while we work. Trusting that the construction will be beyond our ability to imagine.

And, knowing that, unlike those cathedral laborers, One Day, we will get to see the final product. Living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ (I Peter 2:5). Glorious testaments to the work of our great God, “buildings” that He so graciously allows us to be part of building. For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building. (I Corinthians 3:9) And, although we won’t see the completion of these buildings while we are in this life, we are encouraged to be diligent because God promises that our work will follow us into Eternity (Revelation 14:13)

According to the grace of God which was given to me, as a wise master builder, I laid a foundation …(I Corinthians 3:10)

Next time you think about the Notre Dame cathedral, remember that you’re in the same business. Only what you and I are building cannot be destroyed by fire.

Hallelujah and Amen!

Parenting lessons from Judges

Same passage. Same Truth. Different application. (I absolutely LOVE how God’s Word is so rich and powerful that it contains layer after layer after layer of treasures for us to dig out and enjoy, don’t you?)

So we’re in that passage from Judges that we looked at last time. ‘ I also will no longer drive out before them any of the nations which Joshua left when he died in order to test Israel by them, whether they will keep the way of the Lord to walk in it as their fathers did, or not. ‘ So the Lord allowed those nations to remain, not driving them out quickly; and He did not give them into the hand of Joshua. Now these are the nations which the Lord left, to test Israel by them (that is, all who had not experienced any of the wars of Canaan; only in order that the generations of the sons of Israel might be taught war, those who had not experienced it formerly) Judges 2:21-3:2

We already unpacked the context and gathered some treasure from this passage in last week’s Wednesday’s Word. If you missed it, just scroll down and check it out. Good foundation for today’s post.

When I pondered these verses, I thought about the situation of Israel. Then I thought about the application of truth to my own life.

But then God showed me more treasures and I dug deeper.

Parenting application.

Probably lots of them but I uncovered a couple.

First, parenting according to the principle of natural consequences.

Just as Israel experienced the consequences of disobedience and learned obedience from the things they suffered, so can I…and so can my kids. Instead of either meting out punishment or, worse, rescuing them every time, we need to let our children feel the pain associated with their actions. For example, letting them feel the pain of falling from that chair you told them not to climb. (Sounds cruel, right?) Or,instead of running that forgotten project up the school for the third time this year, let them get their grade docked….and accept the fallout from that consequence. (Oh, did I mention that oftentimes the parent has to suffer when these consequences ensue? :) In fact, I am pretty sure that avoiding our OWN personal pain is the #1 reason we rescue our kids so much!!) But this is how they will learn to adjust their behavior. Natural consequences. And the earlier we apply this principle in our parenting, the sooner our kids will learn on their own.

The other application that the Holy Spirit whispered to me was the importance of letting my kids learn how to fight. Wait, you say, my kids have that down pat! :) I don’t mean hand to hand combat or arguing with their siblings. I mean the kind of fighting you need to do in order to live a successful life. Hanging in there when things are tough. Battling through disappointment, failure, and rejection. Waging war against the natural tendencies not only to quit but also to cave to negative attitudes, victim-mentalities, and self-centeredness. Fighting to develop traits of responsibility, confidence, and maturity.

How do we learn how to fight like that?

By not having a picture-perfect life.

The bumps and curve balls of life are usually unpleasant but they are the very things that God can use to teach us to fight. The disappointment of not winning that championship. The feelings of rejection when there’s no prom date. The sting from the unfairness of a teacher or coach. The weariness of practicing untold hours and missing out on something fun in order to master that piano piece. The hurt when friends are disloyal. All those things are painful but the can be building blocks upon which God can build perseverance and compassion and confidence and discipline.

If we let Him.

The Spirit whispered to me that I must fight, too - I must fight my tendency to shield my kids from anything unpleasant. To counsel my Mama-Bear heart not to intervene every time I perceive my child has been wronged by someone else.To refrain from thinking that my goal should be to make their lives wrinkle-free.

As a parent, I need to let some “enemies”remain in the land (I don’t mean evil influences or activities! I mean the naturally occurring difficulties of life) so my kids can learn how to wage the war of life victoriously.

All from the book of Judges. Who knew!