I am studying the book of I John with some young women for a few weeks. It has been so rich! One particular verse stuck out to me recently and caused me to ponder a topic that I think is quite prevalent but rarely discussed. Smack dab in the middle of exhorting us to love one another, John pens this verse: “We should not be like Cain, who was the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. “ I John 3:12
John doesn’t elaborate on the story because he knows his readers are familiar with the incident. Perhaps you are, too. It occurs in Genesis 4. Cain and Abel both offer a sacrifice to the Lord - Cain, an offering of the fruit of the ground and Abel, the firstborn of his sheep flock. The passage in Genesis tells us that the Lord accepted Abel’s offering but not Cain’s. And Cain was very angry. Scripture does not tell us here why there was a difference but we know from other places in God’s Word that a sin offering required that blood be shed in order for sin to be covered. Abel’s met that requirement but Cain’s did not. The Lord did not turn away from Cain but gave him an opportunity to “do well” and “be accepted” rather than succumbing to the sin in his heart. There was mercy and a chance for redemption but Cain didn’t take it. He remained in his angry state and ultimately killed his brother. Why? Because “his own deeds were evil and his brother’s, righteous” - plain and simple, he was envious.
The words “envy” and “jealousy” are often used interchangeably because they both refer to “covetousness.” Although there is technically a difference in their definitions, we will settle on the word “envy” for the sake of simplicity. Envy. That feeling of resentment when someone else has something (a possession, a skill, position, or success) that you wish you had. It arises when we compare ourselves to someone who has some sort of advantage over us, at least in our estimation. Jealousy is used to refer to the situation when something you already have—often a relationship, status, or position—is threatened by a third party. It is usually a three-person situation: you, the valued possession or relationship, and the perceived rival .
Envy. We see it in the two year old when a sibling is given a new toy. We see it in teenagers when the popular girls gets elected prom queen. We see it in the adult world when a co-worker receives the promotion another felt they deserved. And, truth be told, we have all seen the green-eyed monster lurking in our very own hearts at one time or another.
Our response can be to stew silently but it usually manifests itself in wanting to remove the perceived advantage in some way. Either to criticize the advantaged person to others, to attempt to minimize their advantage in some way, or in the case of Cain, to remove the person from our lives.
Envy (or “covetousness” as the Bible calls it is several places) is quite destructive and God obviously takes it very seriously. Proverbs 14:30 says “A heart at peace gives life to the body but envy rots the bones”. James cautions us “but if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such ‘wisdom’ does not come from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” (James 3: 14-16)And Peter warns us to “rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander of every kind” (I Peter 2:1)
There don’t seem to be a lot of sermons preached about envy, which is really a shame because the problem is not only destructive, it is also prevalent. If we are honest, we all would admit that envy has darkened the door of our own heart at least from time to time. We all need help.
So, what are we to do? I think the first step is to call it what God does - sin. Agree with God and accept responsibility for it. But taking responsibility doesn’t mean we have to eradicate it ourselves. Because, frankly, we can’t. Thankfully, we serve a good God who isn’t waiting to condemn us but rather to help us, just like He offered Cain. He wants to help us love others (as He commands in I John) not just for the sake of others but also for the peace of our own hearts. The root of envy is an ungrateful heart. One that is not satisfied with what God has given and one that does not trust God as the source of all we desire. Envy happens when we try to satisfy those desires ourselves by comparison, or criticism, anger or self-pity. Sadly, those tactics only bring more destruction.
When we desire what God has not given us, our hearts harden toward Him. Envy or jealousy can blind us to reality and make us believe the lie, as Eve did, that God is holding out on us . We have not yet learned to be content. Not being content reveals a lack of trust of the goodness of God. When we are confident in His goodness and His love for us, we will trust that He, the source of all good gifts, will give those good gifts to us in His good time, as we look to Him for all we desire. He will either supply what we are asking for or He will change our hearts so that we desire what He is ready to give.
Just a couple of practical action steps that can help us battle covetousness. One, cry out to the Lord what you are feeling and what your heart is longing for. Practice that so much that it becomes your default to go to the Lord with what you desire, anytime you feel envious or discontent. Secondly, rehearse the blessings already in your life. Make it a habit to be the most thankful person in the room. Express gratitude to Him and to all those around you. Ask God to help you see more and more things to be thankful for and say it aloud. Lastly, refuse to compare your blessings with those of someone else. Instead, love one another. You cannot do both. Jesus calls us to love and envy is the enemy of love. The most effective way to defeat that enemy is to cheer on and celebrate other people. Literally articulate celebration of what others are doing and use your gifts to serve them in order to advance what they are about. That brings peace. That brings joy. That defeats envy..