No refunds, no exchanges - James 1:17

Have you ever received a gift that you didn't want? Of course you have - we all have. We have all stood in those eternally long lines on December 26...to return the gift that didn't fit or didn't work or just wasn't right. Sometimes gift-givers just don't get it right. So we coach up our kids to respond graciously. "Even if you get 5 of the exact same things, say 'thank you'. And know we can take it back tomorrow!".

Have you ever received a gift from God that you didn't want? At the risk of sounding blasphemous, I surely have. And, if you are willing to be honest, I'll bet you have, too. Something - or someone - that wasn't what you wanted. A situation or answer that was not what you had hoped for, asked for, prayed long and hard for.

Since God doesn't have a "returns" policy on His gifts, what are we to do?


Well, first, I think He welcomes us to be honest with Him. (He already knows what we are thinking and feeling anyway!) Express your disappointment, grief, even anger over what He has permitted into your life. We should pour out our hearts to Him, allowing those emotions to empty out. I find it helpful to do this over and over, until I am ready for the next step.

Which is to Trust Him. Trust the Father of Lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. Who only gives good and perfect gifts. Sometimes they come wrapped in packaging that makes us think they are not what we want or need. But if we will trust the One who is the source of light - the One who never veers from His purpose to draw us closer to Himself, to conform us to the image of His Son, to give us lasting peace and joy and life more abundantly - then we can be assured that He has chosen the right gift. And that He will grant us the grace to receive it well, if only we will ask.

I get that it may very well take some time for our emotions to line up with what our heads are acknowledging. That's OK. Just keep trusting. As John Piper says, "God is always up to a thousand things that we cannot see." And He is always good, always loving. His Word is truer than my circumstances. Always.

If you have a gift from God that you would rather return, I understand. So does He. But turn your gaze away from the gift and onto the Giver. He loves you and He is at work on your behalf. I promise. And. more importantly, so does He.

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Happy Birthday, Katie!

Thirty years ago today, I pushed my way into the sacred land of Motherhood. Literally. Water broke at midnight and 12 looooooooong hours later - including 4 hours of pushing (given the malpractice landscape of obstetrics today, that would no longer be an option!) - the world became a better place.Katie Alice Chambers was born.

My life changed in ways I never imagined...no one told me that, from that day forward, my heart would walk around outside my body. I would never ever read a tragic news story in the same way....because I would feel the pain of those involved now. Truly feel it. No birthing class prepared me for what it was like to take the product of that process home. Every bruise was surely leukemia and every headache, a brain tumor. Then there were the emotional maladies!! One cannot begin to imagine the fury inside the heart of a Mom whose child has been mistreated. The anxiety of waiting to find out if your child is "in"....the playground game, the birthday party, the nursery school, the team, the circle...always. The doubt and confusion of figuring out what a Mom is supposed to do. (Good grief, there are so many different opinions!!!) The unbridled pride you feel when your child wins...the race, the award, the mastery of some skill - no matter what that is. The amazed joy that God chose you to parent this kid. Wow. God's undeserved gifts.

And now she's a grown-up. My task is pretty much done. Now I get to enjoy the fruit of my labor....and God's grace. She's married, an extremely well educated SAHM and quite a fabulous one, if I do say so myself! But to me, she'll forever be the one that made me a Mom. My firstborn. The one I practiced on...the one that had to absorb most of my mistakes. A role model to scores of women…including me. The one that God gave to me on 12-12-88. God's undeserved gifts.

You're always Princess to me. Practically perfect. I love you. I am so proud of the woman God has grown you into that I could burst. I love being your friend. And your Mom. Happy Birthday.

The conflict on the outside..........

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. 4 You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? 6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you James 4:1-10


The fights among us................are due to the battles within us..........the conflict on the outside........is because of the war on the inside.


Boom.


What does this mean and how can it make a difference in our relationships?

In verses 1 and 2, we find the reason for the conflicts in our relationships - this translation uses the word "passions" but others use the word "pleasures" or "desires". What they all point to is that we experience conflict because, simply put. there is something we want and if we perceive someone is blocking the fulfillment of that desire, we fight to get it.


These "passions, pleasures or desires" are not necessarily for bad things! We might long for a well-behaved child, or a loving husband, or a good night's sleep :) And if those desires (which we all too often label as "needs".....) are unmet, then we fight, quarrel, or get angry (which, by the way, Jesus explains in Matthew leads to murder).


Underneath our "desires" are foundational longings for security, acceptance, significance, love. What we might label as "wanting to be pretty" could actually be a deep God-given need for acceptance and esteem. And it probably is.
It's not wrong to want to look pretty ( or be treated respectfully or to be appreciated or to feel safe) but when we assume we can find a consistent source of attainment apart from Christ, well, that's when we run into trouble. No other person can meet those needs deeply enough to satisfy us fully.


No matter how much we might fight to get them to.


God stands ready and overwhelmingly able to meet our deepest needs.


Instead, we either fail to ask Him or we ask for the wrong thing.


Like asking for friends to make us feel better..........when He's the only one who can.


Now, granted, often He manifests Himself through the kindnesses of others. But we gotta realize that other people are just the delivery boy. God Himself is the Source for what we need.


And in verses 3-5, we see that He makes that very point by allowing us to experience conflict.


Galatians 5:17 puts it this way : For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.
When we think someone or something other than God can fill our need for security or significance or acceptance, in essence, we are seeking to worship it. And God loves us too much to allow that! He doesn't need to be "made Lord" - He IS LORD! And all those lesser things that try and set themselves up on the throne of our heart are waging a useless war. HE IS LORD. He will let the battle rage but He will not step down from the Throne.


In the next few verses of this passage He explains how to resolve the conflict. How to find genuine fulfillment of those longings deep within
Verses 6 -10 - realize who He is... And who we are not. When we humble ourselves He floods our hearts with grace. With the desire and the power to obey Him This grace is what we need to trust His goodness - to submit to His authority - and to withstand the one who tempts us to believe anything else but Christ can satisfy. The grace we need to draw near to Him in worship....where we will see who He is...and who we are not. The grace that shows us our sin and breaks our hearts over our unholiness. And the grace that empowers us to be made pure, to be cleansed.
The grace that is only found in the presence of The Lord.
That's what meets our deepest needs.
That's where and only where our soul will be exalted .
And the conflict will cease. Within ... And without.
Amen.