Have you heard....


When I was a little girl, a popular TV show had a segment where a group of girls sang a song that went something like this "You'll never catch one of us repeating gossip...so you'd better be sure and listen close the first time!"  Hee-Haw.  Made us laugh every time we saw it.

It's not so funny being the victim of gossip, though.  Can you relate??


God makes it very clear that He hates gossip.  He lists it among murder and pride and lying in Proverbs 6:16-19 --
There are six things the Lord hates – no, seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord among brothers.

The dictionary defines gossip as "idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others".  OK, so what's "idle talk"?  Since Scripture warns us about such, we should know what it is.


But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.  Matthew 12:36



Gulp.  This sounds serious indeed. And it is.  Gossip, or idle talk, consists of things said about other people that are not profitable to the subject, the hearer, or the speaker.

  Gossip is sometimes lies sprinkled with some truth.  Words that cause the hearer to think less of the person being "discussed" .  Words that destroy relationships.  Murder reputations.  Other times, the juicy morsels are all lies.  And irreparable damage is done. But sometimes, gossip consists of things that are true but would have been better left unsaid.  Words that are not profitable for the one being discussed. Secrets shared that should have never been disclosed.

Take a look at these verses with me:
 Proverbs 16:28,  A troublemaker stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.

A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret  Proverbs 11:12-13.

I've done it.  Maybe you have, too.  Shared some information that was of no benefit to the hearer or the subject.  It's almost comical how we do it.  "Did you hear that..." or "I don't know if this is right but I heard..."  My personal UNfavorite is the one thinly disguised as a prayer request - "I know you'll want to be praying about this....".  Super spiritual for sure.

I don't know why we are tempted to do it.  When we do, we have fallen prey to the deception that such "sharing" will be beneficial to US.  That by tearing someone else down, we will look bigger. But that's the biggest lie of all.  We not only do damage to others with our gossipy words, but we also destroy our own selves.

Maybe we will be motivated to curb our gossipy tongue when we remember the truth of Proverbs 18:21 -
  Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits 

We will enjoy the fruit of life-giving words.  Or we will reap the consequences of death-inducing words.

My Mama said it this way "What goes around, comes around."

Amen, Mama.  Amen.

Criticism

I was blessed to grow up in a home where criticism was not part of our vernacular. We simply did not criticize. Or complain. Not even when it was "merited". How my parents achieved that, I do not know!

I became a quick learner, though, let me assure you. On my own, I managed to master the art, even falling prey to the idea that criticism was "helpful" to others. How would they ever change their ways, I reasoned, unless I told them where they were wrong? This "skill" grows exponentially when practiced even a bit, I soon learned. The more I criticized, the more things I saw that "needed" criticizing. Once put into motion, criticism can quickly become a way of life, a lens through which all persons and activities are filtered.

A lens which turns toxic. Towards those on the receiving end. But also on the viewer. A critical spirit is difficult to live with as well as to house inside one's own soul.

One day I stumbled on a verse. James 4:11. Pretty simple. It says Do not speak against another.

We can try and "adjust" it to say something else but it translates very clearly -- do not criticize. The verse doesn't have parentheses to include exceptions for poor service or irritating people or trampled rights. It just says not to criticize. I decided I needed to change. It's hard going sometimes but by God's grace, I am learning not to criticize. It's hard to balance times of needed parental correction against criticism. I am constantly in need of wisdom.

Sometimes these blog posts are hard to write. I often falter. I don't get it right. A lot. But I want to share my journey with you. In hopes that you will find some grace and encouragement alongside me.

Take, for instance, today.

I received some really awful customer service today. And with my past corporate background, I am tuned in to know that customer service is an important aspect of training and expectations. When I don't get it, I am disappointed. Today, I was disappointed and then some. After all, I had been a loyal customer of this business for many years. I had given this place a bunch of money. And I was treated poorly by an employee that clearly didn't give a rip. I was tempted to post something on FB just to vent. So that other people could take my side, weigh in, maybe even share their own lousy experiences at this place. Then I decided I'd do the more mature thing and complain to the home office. In fact, I concluded, it was the right thing to do. After all, this place had their website posted and invited customers to contact them so they could provide better service. Yep, I would be doing them a favor.

I pulled up their site, clicked on "customer service" and started my email. I would be polite, but firm. Just state the facts. And convey the error of their ways. My words poured out.

Then that verse above came to mind. And one in the next chapter of James - vs. 9 Do not complain, brethren, against one another.

I chatted with myself for a couple of minutes. Wouldn't it be helpful to let the higher ups know what a terrible experience I had today? I had already realized it wouldn't be right to vent on FB, where readers were neither part of the problem nor part of the solution but couldn't I at least complain to, I mean, share with, the home office? This would be helpful..........I was justified......It's the truth......

Heart check. What did I want as resolution? Did I really want this to help those employees to become better people? Or did I hope, even just a little bit, that somebody would get in hot water for what they did? Did I even hope that I would benefit in some way, a discount or freebie or even just an accolade?

I am not saying there is never a time to report bad service. Or to share an unfortunate experience. I do suggest a heart check first. And a prayer for wisdom. And a longing to err on the side of being TOO UNcritical and UNcomplaining.

I didn't send the email.

And I won't tell you who the company was. :)