Helping Mommy....or whistle-blower?

One of my dear "young Mom -friends" asked me for some advice on the tattling issue.  Although I am far from a parenting expert, just by virtue of having walked this path a few steps sooner than my friend, I did have some stuff to share.  Some other folks asked me to repost it so I am getting it out via this blog instead of my timeline.  I'd love to hear your input, too.  What are some ways you have handled the tattle game?

Here's pretty much what I said....


Tattling.  That's a tough one.  I want to encourage my children to support one another, not to turn each other in.  And yet I could use the help, especially when they were little, of another set of eyes, to avoid frequent flier miles in the ER!!  How do we foster an environment of helping one another stay safe and yet not rat each other out in the hopes of earning holy points with Mom?

So, my MO was to never reward the tattler.  In other words, I might re-direct the tattle-ee but I did not punish him/her because I didn't want the tattler to have the pleasure of the sibling earning parental disapproval.  Even if the kid being tattled on was wrong.  I just wanted to send the message to the tattler that it wasn't worth it.  And my experience has been that the older ones love to play holy spirit - you know, convict the world of sin and unrighteousness?? So I didn't play into it. 

Helping keep one another safe was a different story and that should be encouraged.  We are our brother's keeper :)  And we have to pray to be able to discern the difference.  Honestly, it's usually pretty obvious.  We praise a heart that wants to protect and help....we don't reward a heart that wants to get the other in trouble.  Send that message over and over.....might even be necessary to discipline the tattler.  But what a reminder to praise in public...and discipline in private.  And if I could do it over again, I would redirect more....and discipline less. (Sorry, Katie, Mary, Chip and Betsy!)

I tried to encourage sibling comradeship --- even if it meant they were ganging up on me!  Seriously!  I would rather they be on the same side than to try to jump on my side by abandoning their brother/sister!!! (I figure they have to pick out my nursing home together so I'd just as soon they learn how to get along before then) And to be mindful that jealousy is often the root of tattling.  The cure for jealousy is to be secure in the confidence that we are loved.  (also, it helps to loosen the grip of jealousy on our hearts if we celebrate the other person.  That may be a bit hard to do when the kids are so little....but a reminder that is helpful for us adults.  oh, not that any of us ever struggle with jealousy - duh!)

I talked about Abraham and Lot and how Abraham was unselfish, letting Lot choose the best land.  And God rewarded Abraham for putting others first...in the long run.  We can remind our children that God is pleased when we put others first and He will see to it that we are rewarded, too. (Just be sure to simultaneously teach/encourage delayed gratification....) And reminding myself that my part is to be patient and loving and consistent.  Probably that is what God is after in the first place.....changing me!

And when the offense of tattling takes place, PRAY with the offender.  PRAY that brothers (sisters) would dwell together in unity (Psalm 133:1) .  PRAY that we Moms would have no greater joy than to see our children walking together in truth....together (3 John 1:4).

What are some things you do/have done to nip tattling in the bud?

Thankful thought 30

The end of the month. The end of "Thankful Thought" posts. Hopefully not the end of thankfulness. I want to practice not just "Thanksgiving"  but especially "Thanks-living".  For all God has done, for all He is doing....and for all He will do in the future.

Today's Thankful Thought....Heaven.  Heaven is as real to me as Athens, GA.  I look forward to my new home there.  To the folks I love who have gone on before me.  To the folks I know OF but don't know personally - giants in the faith, like Corrie Tin Boom.  Peter the Apostle.  Ruth Graham.  John the Revelator.  Moses's Mom.  To the treasure I have sent on ahead.  To the rewards Jesus promised to those who love Him and look for His appearing. 

I am excited about Life in Heaven.  God promises pleasures forever.  Think about that.  We relentlessly pursue temporary pleasures here.  But there - it will be permanent pleasures.  We will scarcely be able to contain our joy!  We will have sweet fellowship with friends and family.  We will be free from pain and disease and sin.  Oh, glory!

That will be so fantastic that we can hardly imagine it.  I long for Heaven.All that it will bring.  For me and mine.

But most of  all, I will love seeing Jesus.  I wonder if I will laugh or cry or sing or dance or fall on my face or stand in silent amazement before Him. All of the above.  I just want to hug Him. And hear Him say...."Welcome Home".

Thankful thought 28

Yesterday, I gave thanks for friends and family that make me laugh.  Today, I want to express thanks for friends that cry with me.  Sometimes a laugh won't work.  Only a good cry.  There are really very few folks that we will let cry with us.  It's more of a private thing.  But I am blessed to have folks in my live that cry with me.  And I am thankful.

Advent idea

Thanksgiving is done but I hope we are not done with giving thanks!  Especially as the season of celebrating Jesus is upon us. 

As a Mom, I wrestle each year with wanting Christmas to really be about CHRIST and not about shopping and wish lists and where to spend what with whom and why.  I love the trappings of the season (well, not all of them) but my heart would really rather unplug the Christmas machine and just focus on Jesus.  I have tried various things through the years to keep my family's eyes on the REASON for the SEASON.  Some have worked.  Such as limiting gifts, sticking to a budget, reading the Christmas story, having traditions that are family centered, directing our attention to service projects, and trying to manage our schedule so that we eat and sleep well enough to stay healthy. Other ideas didn't stick around long enough for anybody to recall them.  'Nough said.

This year, I am excited about how we plan to observe Advent. Our family has done a few different things in years gone by, but this year we will have a new idea.  I came to the Advent observation later in life, as we didn't focus on this season in my growing up church.  Not that I grew up deprived and need to go on the Jerry Springer show to air my disadvantage but I do think I missed out.  This is a beautiful season of preparation for Christmas...the real meaning of Christmas.  There are certainly as many different ways to observe advent as there are hearts to be prepared but I want to share what we will do, beginning on the first Sunday in December.  The Jesse Tree.

The Jesse Tree gets its name from the prophecy about the coming Savior in Isaiah 11:1 - "Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse, and a branch from his roots will bear fruit."  Here, the prophet Isaiah gave God's people the news that their Savior would be from the line of David, the son of Jesse. It represents the genealogy of Christ.  The stem, the branch, the Jesse Tree. 

Each day during Advent, the story of Christ and God's plan of salvation are traced from Genesis all the way to His birth, showing the Scarlet Thread that runs all the way through Scripture.  Reminding us that Calvary was not God's "Plan B" but rather His divine and merciful intention from the beginning of time.  An ornament, representing each particular Scripture, is placed on a tree branch, secured ( somehow!) in a pot, each day, culminating with the baby in the manger on Christmas Day.  A short devotional reading explains what the ornament symbolizes and demonstates the plan of salvation, the promise of the Messiah, all the way through the Old Testament.

Since I am not an advertiser, I won't provide any certain links but you can google it and find several different helps if you decide you want your crew to do something similar.  A group of women whom are very significant in my life joined forces this past Spring and we made each of ourselves a set of these ornaments for our own Jesse Trees.  As my ornaments are placed on my Jesse Tree this year, they will hold special meaning times two....reminding me not only of God's gift of Jesus, but also His gift to me of these treasured women.  He surely is good to me.

Merry Christmas!