May musings

I am having the most sentimental Mommy-thoughts recently.  It's because it's almost May.  What does that have to do with anything, you ask?  Well, duh, the month of May is not about springtime.  It's about the end of school.  Graduation.  Moving to the next grade or stage of life.  I always am a little melancholy when May approaches. 

Now, let me set the record straight.  I love love LOVE me some summertime!  I count the days from Labor Day to the date Shamrock Pool reopens in May.  And I am always ready to be done with school for a bit.  (No comments from my students, please.  I am certain they feel the same!) But underneath that glee for summer lurks the truth of what May is about.  And I have to acknowledge that I am closer and closer to working myself out of a job.  Each May, my kids need me less and less. That's the way it should be.  I know.

In May, my oldest will walk across a stage so that some professor can hang a doctorate hood over her shoulders.  Frankly, I think they should let me do it.  That prof didn't birth her, teach her to read, inhale to the point of hyperventilation when PCAT scores came in the mail, nor pray through exams with her. Their loss.  My investment.  Her work and well-deserved reward.  For a whole bunch of years, she has been a student. Come May - no more.  She's delighted.  I am proud...and a little bit sad.

In May, my next-born will drive herself halfway across the country for an internship.  Colorado is a million miles away, I think.  And although she'll come back for one more year of college, she has pointed out to me that a bazillion people move to CO to work for the summer...and stay.  Come the next May, who knows. She'll then walk across a stage and get a piece of sheepskin that represents 4 years of great work, impressive accomplishments, and a whole lot of fun.  Even if she returns to her GA roots, I know that, even now, the only way I will see her anymore is with a suitcase in her hand.  (Or, in her case, several suitcases!)  She has flown from my nest - and in glorious flight.  I am proud...and a little bit sad.

In May, my now-sophomore-son will become a Junior.  With only a couple of credits left to complete high school graduation requirements.  Come next May, he could choose to be done and move to the next level of higher education.  (What was I thinking to let him proceed at this pace!!!!!) Even though he still gets his mail at this address, he's occupied at other places most of the time.   May means more time at work and fun...and away from home.  He's excited.  I am proud...and a little bit sad.

In May, even the baby moves to a new level.  She will complete elementary school and be an official middle-schooler.  Who made 6th grade part of middle school anyway??!! While they were at it, I wish someone had insisted on adding 13th grade.  Maybe it could still happen. She would probably skip it, if they did.  She is thrilled about middle school.  I am proud...and a little bit sad.

May.  A lovely time of year for sure.  The doorway to my beloved summer. A time for celebration and commemoration.  But I'm still a little bit sad.  I wish my job didn't have to change.     

Expression of sympathy

I am typing through tears.  Tears of pain and grief and helplessness.  I just learned of the the suicide of Rick Warren's son.  My heart is breaking. 

I didn't know Matthew Warren, age 27.  Neither do I know his parents nor amyone in his family.  But when I became a Mom, every Mother's pain is my own.  Every tragedy could just as well have happened to my family.  Every desperately needy child might as well live at my address. I hurt right along with them.

I don't pretend to feel the pain in the same way as those parents.  I know I don't.  And I know that, while my heart aches and my mind imagines what it would feel like, I recognize that I don't get it at all.  My son is across the room from me, watching basketball.  I can grab a hug, reach up for a kiss, and dream of watching his continued journey in adulthood. 

Rick and Kay Warren can't do that.

I have stood beside my friends as they did what no parent should ever have to do - bury a child.  I have sobbed with them until my body literally hurt.  But I could still go home and tuck my baby in for the night. Fix their favorite dessert. See my daughter graduate.  And get married. 

They can't.

As unbearable as the loss of a child must be, losing one by their own choice must be a pain beyond the scope of my vocabulary.  I cannot conceive it.  Add to the sorrow and grief feelings of guilt and helplessness and hopelessness.  Maybe even eventually anger and blame.  At somebody!

I don't know why I feel compelled to post.  Perhaps I am processing grief.  Trying in some pathetic way to do something that could help.  Somebody.  So I ask you to pray for this family.  This family who has blessed so many other people.  Ironically, the Dad who instructed so many of us on Life's Purpose.  And did it well.  At the end of the day, they are just parents like you and me.  Parents whose hearts are in ICU. Parents who are undoubtedly wondering "what if".   Parents who have two other children who need them, in spite of their pain. Please please please pray for this family.

And may we all become more mindful that the people we meet every day could be fighting the same battle.  I know we can't solve everyone's problems or pull everyone out of darkness.  I mean, seriously, if Rick Warren didn't have the right words to help his son, I surely can't have any. But maybe just maybe there is somebody we can help.  Maybe by talking about unconquerable despair like this we can disarm it.  For somebody.

Maybe if more people see the additonal casualties of these choices , some of them will cling a little longer to hope. I know that those in the clutches of mental illness or tethered in the pit of despair are unable to grasp what their choice will do to those who are left.  But maybe  we can get that message out before someone we love gets to that place.  And maybe just maybe, even in the darkest of darkness, a glimmer of truth might shine.  Just enough for hope to take a breath.  And love to discern a heartbeat. For somebody.

Somebody that might be my child.  Or yours.

I have been asked about our weekly chore list.  It's a little humbling to admit that we actually do so little but, we do, so here goes.  There are some excellent resources available that are much more detailed and extensive than what we are able to accomplish over here.  But, here is the list we use each week and it's what works for us.  A few times a year I get really motivated and we do some deep cleaning, but, honestly, I am pretty dirt-tolerant.  Clutter drives me batty but dirt I can live with.

Morning routine -
              Get up and get dressed (shower, whatever)
               Personal quiet time
               Breakfast (with family as much as possible)
              Chores
              School

Evening routine-
             Be sure room is straightened up
             Think through the next day and do whatever prep plans are needed (clothes, backpacks, etc)
             I often throw a load of laundry in and/or turn on dishwasher.  I also think through meal needs
             for the next day and do any advance prep work that I can.

Mondays - Laundry (wash, dry, fold/put away)
                  Bathrooms (toilets, sinks, floors - tubs/showers as needed...which often results in different
                                     interpretations of what "clean" means...)
                  Vacuum all floors
                   Dusting
                   Empty trash cans/ take trash to street

Tuesdays - just basic kitchen duty

Wednesday - basic kitchen duty

Thursday - laundry
                  empty trash cans

Friday - Bathrooms (same routine as Monday)
              Vacuum all floors
               Wash towels and bed linens (OK - in the spirit of full disclosure, my bed linens don't get
                washed every week - don't tell DFACS)

I recommend a website called flylady.net   This has really good lists of what all needs to be cleaned every week and lots of other info.  I aspire to it all but my above list is what we can actually accomplish. 

Happy Birthday, Betsy....Letter #4

Can it really be that 11 years ago today God sent our family a bonus blessing?  Baby Betsy.  The one who made our little tribe complete.  The one who filled the hole of a baby sister for Mary, a baby for Katie to "mother", and a sibling who elevated Chip to leader status.  The one who filled the little hole that was left in my Mommy heart. 

Oh, the questions and comments.  "Are you done?"  (Whose business is that???) "Was this planned?" (From the foundations of the world, you bet it was!) Since Chip was a baby, I wanted at least one more.  Just a little hole in my Mommy heart.  Who knew that God would time it just like He did.  Perfectly.  March 11, 2002.  Our family grew by two little feet. 


How to describe Betsy to the world?  Let me try.

Lovely.  Even as young as she is, it is evident that she is a beauty.  The words "grace" and "elegance" come to mind.  Long and lean, she is already enviably lovely.  Bright eyes, hair that waves just right, bone structure that people would pay a pretty penny for, and a physique that people would kill for.  She is really lovely.  When asked as a little one where she got her pretty looks from, she would reply "from my Mary".

Smart.  Folks tell me all the time how smart she is.  I just know it's really easy to homeschool her.  More of that self-sufficiency trait I love to cultivate.  She learns quickly and retains information like sponges retain water. Whether it's Latin or pre-Algebra or sewing or how to cook apple dumplings, she is a quick study.  Indeed, she's book smart.  But she has an advantage over those folks that are just book smart.  Betsy is relationally savvy.  She is the one explaining to me why we need to invite so & so or why she answered such & such in a given situation...because she's always considering how something will make somebody else feel.  Yep, she's smart alright.  More than could ever show up on a test.

Administratively gifted.  This is more than just being organized and planful, although she is both of those.  This is actually a gift from God - Betsy is able to assess a situation and understand what needs to be done to get to the goal in mind.  She gets herself ready and alerts the rest of us when we need to leave in order to get somewhere.  And she makes sure we all comply!  She plans all necessary steps for birthday parties, schoolwork completion, and even personal budget requirements. The amazing part is that she doesn't get bogged down in those details.  She intuitively understands that the details are a means to an end.  Not an end in themselves.  (Yes, she is only 11.  I know how incredible this is.  I live with her.)

Sweet.  Her Daddy calls her "Sweet Girl" and it is a fitting name.  This kid is just plain sweet.  She is friendly and kind and thoughtful. (OK siblings, nobody claims 100% performance rate!) Always wanting to make cookies for her AWANA leaders or take flowers to an elderly neighbor, she's just plain sweet.
But don't think for  a minute that she's a wimp.  Uh, that would be an emphatic NO. Which segues to the next description...

Competitive.  Whether it's completing 4 books of AWANA verses in two years (instead of the normal 4) or mastering breaststroke in swimming (as in, "Ya think I can beat the boys, Mom?") or beating Chip to the shower, Betsy loves to compete.  And to win.  Oh, yes, to win.  She has an internal advantage to her competitive edge that most of us - especially me - envy.  She doesn't quit.  Even if she gets knocked down...or out (see earlier post "Measure of a Champion")...she doesn't quit til she gets to where she wants to be.  She's awesome.

God took all this and more, packaged it in a tiny bundle,  stuck a label on it addressed for our home...and delivered it to our family on March 11, 2002, Elizabeth Jean Chambers.   My heart has been full ever since.  Happy Birthday, sweet Betsy.  I love you!

Post script from Betsy

Betsy told me emphatically that the reason she is good friends with her siblings is  mainly due to the fact that none of them are weirdos. 

Great point, Betsy.  Great point.  Makes my parenting you all alot easier.

Kudos.

Note to all Moms -- if you are blessed enough to have kids that are not weirdos, they will want to hang out together.  Just sayin....