As we forgive others

Forgiveness.  What is it.  Why we should do it.  And how.

We've already seen why we should forgive.  But it's always good to remind ourselves.  When we forgive, we are acknowledging the forgiveness that God has extended to us.  If we refuse to forgive others, then we put our own relationship with God in danger. (Matthew 18:21-35) No, I'm not saying we lose our salvation.  But I am saying (because the Bible says so) that our prayers will be hindered and we subject ourselves to all kinds of emotional torment.


OK.  Now we're convinced -- we want to forgive others.  But what is it, exactly?  And how can we do it?  What does it look like?

Forgiveness is literally the erasing of a debt.  When someone has sinned against you, they have not paid you what you are owed. We use that analogy all the time - "I owe you an apology" or "I'll make him pay for that".  Just like we owe God righteousness, we owe all mankind love...and the same is owed to us. (Romans 13:8)  Unfortunately, just like we cannot pay God what we owe Him, so all of us do not at all times pay the debt of love we owe to all others.  We owe others and they owe us.  God requires that we forgive others what they owe us.

Ouch.  That's hard to do.  How in the world can we do that?  We hurt.  And we fear getting hurt some more.  Does God really expect me to forgive?  To just say "it's OK"????  Really???

The answers are - yes, no, yes.  Yes, He expects me to forgive.  No, it's not OK.  And yes, really.

Here's the deal.  Forgiveness does NOT mean that what someone did to you is OK.  Most often, it's not.  Sometimes it's a really big deal.  Life-altering kinds of things.  Sometimes it's not but often times it is.  And it is NOT OK nor does God say that it's OK.  To say that would contribute further to our hurt, trivialize it, and not result in healing.  Instead, forgiveness means acknowledging that there is indeed a debt owed (and it helps me to tell God exactly what I think I am owed) and choosing to not make the debtor pay.  No longer holding them responsible for what they owe us.  Not trying to extract some form of payment from them.  Letting God be their bill collector...and our debt repay-er.

This is the way to not only an effective prayer life but also to a life free from bitterness and anxiety.  Our attempts to make the other person pay what they owe rarely result in getting the debt paid.  Rather, new debts result!  But if we tell God they don't owe us anymore, we are free.  Free from the chains of unforgiveness that bind us to the debtor.  Free from the torment that ensues when we refuse to release someone from what they owe.  And out of God's way so that He can also work in the life of our debtor.

So that's what forgiveness is.  How do we do it? Here are a few things that have been really helpful for me.  First, I pray about the person who owes me.  I tell God what they did and how it hurts and how much I think they owe me.  Not that He doesn't already know, mind you, but because it helps me to get it out of my heart.  Instead of leaving it in there where it can fester.  Only after that am I able to pray for them.  To begin with, it might be through clenched teeth but, as I continue in obedience, I am eventually able to pray with a heart of compassion for them.  Praying that God would bless them the same ways that I want Him to bless me.  Over and over and over until my wounded heart stops bleeding.  And is able to beat in normal rhythm.  And I begin to heal.  If my feelings try and override my choice to forgive, I start the process all over again.  And I choose to subject my thoughts about the offender to the obedience of Christ.  For instance, if I am tempted to think mean thoughts about them, I re-direct my thoughts to ones that please Christ instead.  Repeating this over and over and over literally creates a new pathway of thinking in my brain and eventually new feelings follow.  (This is actually scientifically verifiable!) Perhaps this is part of what Jesus was conveying to us when He said to forgive others not 7x7 but rather 70x7. 

One last thought on forgiveness.  That debt we are owed still needs to be repaid.  We've made the choice to forgive, to not demand payment from the offender.  But the debt remains.  How do we get it paid?

We pay it ourselves.

 Yep, by God's grace we pay it ourselves.But not in a conventional way. God's economy is unique.  The way to get what we are owed is to pay it ourselves...by investing in the life of the offender.  Sometimes just through praying for them.  But often through God-initiated, God-directed installment payments.  Writing a note of congratulations when some blessing has come to them.  Speaking kindly to them in the grocery store. And only in God's economy can payment be made by NOT doing something!!  Not telling the story of the offense (even if you're just sticking to the truth!).  Not pointing out their deficiencies to another person. Not avoiding them like the plague.  Not trying to rally others against them.

 Following God's directions to do good to the enemy.  Being an avenue of blessing.


But wait, you say!  They will just hurt me again!!
Maybe.  Possibly.  But we are never more like Christ than when we forgive.
And if we choose to walk in the path of forgiveness and blessing, He will see to it that we are repaid far more than what we are owed.  He promises.

Forgive us....

This is an area we often overlook in prayer.  If we aren't careful, we will see prayer as a one-way conversation, a chance to tell God what we need/want and just look forward to seeing His answers.

We would be grossly mistaken to view prayer that way.  And we would also find our prayer life sadly ineffective.

This index, or topic sentence, involves two aspects.  The first is confession.  Our confessing to God.  We are to invite God to examine our hearts and show us areas that displease Him.  Not so that we can feel like a failure (although, we are!)but rather so we can be cleansed from our sin and turn from it. So that we can see we owe God a debt of righteousness that we cannot pay.  Our reminder of our need to have that debt forgiven.  Not just the one time need for forgiveness that results in salvation but also the daily need to have our relationship with God unhindered. There is something so powerful about confession.  It's not just telling God what we have done wrong but it is actually agreeing with Him about it.  Acknowledging that any sin is an impediment in our relationship with Him. Although our sin has been paid for (if we are in Christ), unconfessed sin is a barrier in our relationship with Him.  Scripture exhorts us to be serious about our sin, even going so far as to let us know that If I regard wickedness in my heart, The Lord will not hear; (Psalm 66:18)  We need to be regularly examining ourselves, asking the Lord to reveal our sin, and then to admit that sin as well as our need for forgiveness. I John 1:9 is such a comfort - when we confess whatever His Spirit reveals, He cleanses us from ALL unrighteousness, even the sin we don't know about! I think that if He were to reveal all our sin at one time, we would be so overcome with grief that we couldn't function.

It is so beneficial to spend time letting God's Spirit reveal the areas that fall short of God's standards. We have the opportunity to address whatever is hindering our relationship with Him, to make things right with Him...and with others.  God is really specific about having us make things right with other people before we can expect to come to Him in prayer.

Matthew 5:23-24 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,  leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Also, confession of sin keeps us humble.  When I make confession a priority, I am much less prone to judge others, much more prone to extend mercy and compassion.  I know how fallible I am so I don't condemn others for failing.

Look at the entire sentence - Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.  If you think you notice a connection between our being forgiven by God and our forgiving others, you are absolutely correct.  Wow.  This is not an oft-mentioned doctrine!  But the Bible is crystal clear -- if we don't forgive others, our own spiritual well-being is in serious danger.  I have done much study on this issue and I believe that unforgiveness towards others is often the root of much depression, anxiety, rage, and other tormenting emotions.  In fact, I believe this is what Scripture is explaining in Matthew  18 when the parable concludes with the admonition "And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.  So shall my Heavenly Father also do to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart."  I won't go into lengthy explanation (another post, perhaps?) but suffice it to say that God takes our unforgiveness of others extremely seriously.
As we pray, asking God to forgive our sin, we are also to be very sure that we forgive those that have wronged us.  Mark  11:25 says Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.  Notice the all-inclusive phrase -- "anything against anyone".  Wow.  Pretty much covers it.

Tomorrow we will look a bit more at what forgiveness is....and what it's not.  And how to do it!  For today, let's just go to the Lord and ask His forgiveness.  For whatever His Spirit reveals.  Amen

Give us this day

Give us this day, our daily bread

Let's briefly recap.  The components of prayer.  Come into His presence with worship, acknowledging His character, His attributes.  Then aligning ourselves with His purposes, subjecting ourselves to His sovereign rule.  Desiring His Will, submitting our plans to His, above all.

Only then do we make our requests, our petitions.  And we need to do it daily.

Remember the story of the Israelites in the wilderness?  They were without food, desperate.  God sent them bread from Heaven, manna, every day.  Every day, He provided what they needed and every day, they were to gather what He sent.  What they gathered one day didn't last for the next - His provision was abundantly sufficient....for each day, one day at a time.  He didn't allow them to super-store once for all time.  Instead, He allowed them a daily reminder of not only their dependence on Him but also of His faithfulness to supply. 

That's the principle at work here.  Every day, we ask God for what we need for that day.  The strength, the wisdom, the guidance for the needs of that particular day.  We can't store up on Monday and have it last til Friday.  We need a consistent "diet" of His provision in order to meet the demands for each day.  And we need the continuous remembrance of His faithful presence, of His abundant generosity and grace. 

Which leads us to the second point here -- not just the "daily" aspect but also the "bread".  It is no coincidence that Jesus described Himself as "The Bread of Life".  He is our sustainer, our strength, our very Life.  HE is what we need when we lack wisdom or power or joy.  He IS all that and more.  All through the day I cry out to Him for the "bread" I need at that moment! For wisdom as I climb the stairs to address an issue with one of my children.  Humbling myself to ask forgiveness of my husband.  Trying to understand a passage of Scripture.  For financial provision...and the wisdom to handle what He sends.  For self-control when I really don't want to exercise but I do want to eat on entire bag of chocolate.  For compassion for others.  For meekness instead of anger.  For kindness towards someone who has hurt me.  For grace to extend forgiveness.  For faithfulness when I'd rather be self-indulgent.  On and on the list of my needs goes.  And on and on I ask for His bread.  Over and over and over.  And He gives.  Generously.  Without reproach.  Every day.  More than I ask.

He does give good gifts.  But what He really wants us to have is Himself. He is all we need.

Scripture prayers

I mentioned in  a recent post that I regularly pray Scripture for myself, my husband, my children.  Often I am asked what specifically do I pray so I am sharing a list.  If I can figure out how to post a link to the document, that is. ...

In the meantime, here's the scoop.  I do pray these on a regular basis.  The verses are arranged in a 31 day format so that you can pray them monthly.  But know that I don't get to them every day.  (There are days I don't even get my teeth brushed -- can I get an Amen???)  And I don't just stick to these verses.  For crying out loud, we have an entire Bible to choose from !! :)  But these are my default ones, I guess.  They cover things that I want to be sure get prayed about.  Wisdom, purity, integrity, kindness, service, loving God, loving His Word, loving each other, courage, endurance, contentment, protection, salvation, so forth.

Now if I could just figure out how to link to my documents.....oh, well, Chip will be home this evening.  I guess we can wait til then!!!