To the mommies

I watched from a distance in the grocery store aisle. Young Mommy, two littles in tow and one was pitching a fit.  My heart ached for her.  I so wanted to help but figured she didn't need the  intrusion.  She was having a hard time but trying even harder to keep her composure.  I knew the feeling. 

What tugged at my heart the most was the response of other shoppers.  Made me mad is a better description, actually.  The stares that seemed to telegraph disapproval.  The whispers and head shakes.  The lips pressed tightly together in a self-righteous smirk.  I time-travelled back down memory lane to times it had happened to me.  One instance in particular stood out.

Three kids, just moved, parents on overload, trying to get us settled, make friends, and fill up everybody's internal cup.  Not doing so well.  The littlest little was having a meltdown.  Publicly.  Of course!  The big sisters were embarrassed.  So was their mom.  I was trying to appear poised and in control of the situation, all the while trying to figure out what to do.  Whispering things that began calmly but escalated to threats in proportion to the stares and comments. The "advice" that drove me to later shed tears was the "the boy needs a spanking and you should take care of that right now".

  I started to shake.

Maybe she was right.  Maybe what he needed was some strong discipline.  Maybe I had coddled my only boy too much.  Maybe every single thing wrong with him AND his sisters was inextricably tied to my inept parenting. She certainly seemed to know what she was talking about and, in my insecurity, I decided she was right. In fact, those suggestions and more still keep me up at night from time to time.

But that time I saw something different than the more seasoned parent who freely handed out unsolicited advice.  Instead of a defiant kid yelling "no" at his Mom and screaming at the top of his (expansive) lungs, I saw a scared two year old.  A kid that thrives on order and control and security but whose little life had been in upheaval for 3 months while his parents changed jobs and houses and all things familiar.  A little boy who needed an undistracted Mommy that wasn't unpacking boxes and a hardworking Daddy that  could be home during waking hours. And hugs of reassurance.  And time to play instead of to run errands.Although it's true that I couldn't deny the scene before me, my interpretation was different than hers. What was happening right then was insecurity, not  insubordination. 

I wish I could tell you that I had enough confidence in my parenting ability to trust my gut.

I didn't.

And  seeing that Mommy squirm under the deprecating stares of the other shoppers, I remembered that feeling.  I wished that somehow I could infuse confidence and grace and security into her heart.  I hoped she could possess clairvoyance if only for a moment so I could tell her these thoughts.  Trust your gut.  This display of emotion does not have to define your kid. Or your parenting.  There's certainly a place for discipline and correction and I am not saying to give in to your kid.  I am saying, though, to give in to your gut.  Not your cronies.

And the sun stood still

I've had this post on my heart for quite some time but I've been hesitant to share it.  Not because I don't completely believe every word.  Not at all.  But I fear that some extrapolations of it might cause someone to feel condemnation or defeat.  Where there is none.  So, if you've made a different decision than the one urged in this post, please don't think I am judging you or denouncing you.  This post is meant to encourage those still in the fight.  To give hope and strength.  Please know that.

Sometimes marriage doesn't turn out like the fairytales promise.  (Make that "never" instead of "sometimes"...)  Sometimes things get really bad and feelings of desperation set in.  I've seen it happen hundreds of times.  Then feelings of regretted decisions follow.  As in "I never should have married him"  etc.  There may be times where those regrets are legitimate. But don't let the wrong action make it worse. The consequential decisions have critical repercussions and the fallout is forever.  Good and bad.  Forever.

If you're in a marriage that you think never should have happened, and if you are thinking about calling it quits, I ask that you wait.  And read this passage from Joshua 10 -


But first a little background.....

The Israelites were under the leadership of Joshua.  Moses was gone and Joshua was in charge.  He was doing a great job, except for one mistake.  He made a decision without asking God for input. The Israelites sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the Lord.  Then Joshua made a treaty of peace with them to let them live, and the leaders of the assembly ratified it by oath. (Joshua 9:14,15)

Maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal - Joshua making peace with these folks.  In fact, it sounds like a good thing, doesn't it?  Except that God had said not to.  He repeatedly told Joshua to be careful to observe all that He had commanded Moses to do.  And His instructions to Moses included making no covenant with the inhabitants of the land He was giving them (Exodus 23:31-33).
But Joshua was deceived by the group of Gibeonites that came asking for a covenant of peace.  They said they were from far away when in fact, they were inhabitants of the land that God had promised to Israel.  Making a peace treaty with them would be a direct violation of God's command. 

Shouldn't we let Josh off the hook?  I mean, seriously, he was a great leader and this error wasn't his fault.  These Gibeonites lied to him!  Not his fault at all!

Except that it was his fault.  He acted without asking God what to do.  Big mistake.  Costly one.

OK, so we'll go with that.  But then, once he found out the truth and realized his error, he could be released from this covenant, right?

In a word, NO.  We see in this passage (and over and over throughout Scripture) how seriously God takes covenants.  The covenant of marriage is His picture to the world of His commitment to us.  Once God enters into a  covenant, HE DOES NOT LEAVE.  He commits Himself to us forever.
And when God's people made a covenant - even one with the deceitful Gibeonites - He would not allow them to leave.  He required that His people live up to the promises made and not only live in peace with these people but also protect them from harm. 

Wow.  God expected a lot of His people, didn't He?

But look what He did on their behalf!!!! Let me warn you - this is so exciting you might need to sit down.  This is positively awesome.  And true.

 The Gibeonites were being attacked by five other nations.  It looked hopeless.  They sent word to Joshua, informing him of their plight and reminding him that their covenant relationship bound him to fight for them, to protect them, to come to their aid.
I can't help but wonder if Cap'n Josh had a moment where he thought, "They deserve to be defeated after what they did to me".  But Scripture doesn't tell us that.  What it does say is that Joshua went to their aid.

More importantly, God came to Joshua's aid.

7So Joshua marched up from Gilgal with his entire army, including all the best fighting men. 8The Lord said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid of them; I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you.”
9After an all-night march from Gilgal, Joshua took them by surprise. 10The Lord threw them into confusion before Israel, so Joshua and the Israelites defeated them completely at Gibeon. Israel pursued them along the road going up to Beth Horon and cut them down all the way to Azekah and Makkedah. 11As they fled before Israel on the road down from Beth Horon to Azekah, the Lord hurled large hailstones down on them, and more of them died from the hail than were killed by the swords of the Israelites.
12On the day the Lord gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the Lord in the presence of Israel:
“Sun, stand still over Gibeon,
and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.”
13So the sun stood still,
and the moon stopped,
till the nation avenged itself onb its enemies,
as it is written in the Book of Jashar.
The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. 14There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the Lord listened to a human being. Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel
 
Notice that not only did the Israelites prevail, the Gibeonites were preserved and the true enemy was annihilated. 
 
If you are in a covenant that's being attacked, even a covenant that you never should have made, I am praying that you will follow Joshua's example and ask God to rain down hailstones on the enemy and even to make the sun stand still while He defeats the one who desires your destruction.  That enemy is not your covenant partner.

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Hand-holding

My Chip had his last basketball tournament this past weekend.  I love to watch him play.  Great group of guys.  Fun times.  Sweet memories.

This last tournament went OK.  Lost the first and the last games, won the two in between.  My focus is the first game.

Just gotta say it - we were outmatched.  Now don't get me wrong - we have some good players.  (And the cutest, smartest point guard anywhere around - just sayin)  But this team was clearly superior.  We knew going in to the game that we were seeded against Goliath.  We knew all the Old Testament David stories, and the Syracuse-Boston College games but we had realistic expectations.  We just wanted to play really hard and have the best game we could.  We'd leave the outcome in God's hands.

I was so proud of my boy.  Of all the fellas.  When this team dribbled out onto the court.  we swallowed hard to keep our jaws from dropping.  I'm not implying these boys were too old for high school but I will attest to seeing more facial hair on their starting five than our whole team and fan base combined.  These boys were mature.  And athletic.  They pressed the whole time, did everything but dunk on us, and outscored us by multiples of ten.  (And for the record, our boys said they were nice on the court - they actually enjoyed playing them!)

One might think that it was a hard game to watch.  It certainly could have been.  Except for one thing.  Our boys played to win the whole game.  The other team respected them enough to not let up.  They played against us hard and didn't give us any mercy. 

And our boys never quit.  In spite of the scoreboard, they treated every possession as though it determined the outcome of the game. And we parents cheered our hearts out on the sidelines.  Clapped and yelled the whole game.  Then hugged those sweaty boys tight at the end.  They were well aware that the glint in our eyes in no way conveyed sadness at the loss but instead were droplets of pride that refused to be contained.  They never quit.  In spite of the score.

I was awfully proud.

And very impressed.

And thought about how hard that is to do.  Not only in a basketball game, but especially in life.

I have several friends going through tremendously difficult valleys right now.  A couple of their situations would be classified as "impossible" by most everybody. Nobody at all would blame them for resigning themselves to the situation and just adjusting their lives to "reality".  In fact, they have all been "counseled" to do just that. 

 I marvel at the ability of my friends to hang in there.  Not giving up.  Playing as though they can win in spite of the score.   They're not delusional, mind you.  No more than the fellas on Chip's team.  They know what points are posted.  They know who all's in foul trouble.  And yet they play as hard as they possibly can.  They know very well that the final score may say they "lost" but that's not what they are defining themselves by.  Not the point total but rather the quality of play.

I don't know how they manage to keep on keeping on.  I am sure most, if not all, would give credit to God's grace.  For sure.  I'm proud to know these folks.  Not sure I would adequately appropriate the grace God makes available if I were in their shoes.  They are my heroes.  For sure.

But the point of this post is not so much about the heroes but instead how we on the sidelines can help our friends when they are in those impossible games.  What can we do to keep them from giving up?

Probably lots of things but here's one thought. 

Encourage.  Stand beside them and cheer them on.  They probably have all the advice they need already.  Just clap and cheer and tell them the fight is worth it.  Playing a game against all odds is hard. Many many times it is tempting to just sit down.  Or let the clock run out while you stand there with the ball.   Let them draw strength from yours. Sometimes a text or a call or a visit can make the difference between staying in the game and walking off the court.

Scripture puts it this way-

 From Exodus 17:
And Moses said unto Joshua, Choose us out men, and go out, fight with Amalek: to morrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God in mine hand.
10 So Joshua did as Moses had said to him, and fought with Amalek: and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill.
11 And it came to pass, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed.
12 But Moses hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.

This was one of those impossible battles.  And God's people were losing....unless Moses kept his hands raised, holding the rod of God, symbolic of His power and attributing the glory to Him.  But he got tired.  Try keeping your arms raised above your head for hours.  You'd be weary, too!  His helpers couldn't hold the rod for him.  But they could prop him up.

Wonder what happened to those mighty Amalek warriors?

 And Joshua overwhelmed Amalek and his people with the sword.
14 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Write this as a memorial in a book and recite it in the ears of Joshua, that I will utterly blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven

They lost.

Let's hold up some hands today.

 

No plans for reduction

I read through one of my favorite Psalms today and one verse especially caught my attention.  Psalm 15.

O Lord, who shall sojourn in your tent?
    Who shall dwell on your holy hill?
2 He who walks blamelessly and does what is right
    and speaks truth in his heart;
3 who does not slander with his tongue
    and does no evil to his neighbor,
    nor takes up a reproach against his friend;
4 in whose eyes a vile person is despised,
    but who honors those who fear the Lord;
who swears to his own hurt and does not change;
5 who does not put out his money at interest
    and does not take a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things shall never be moved.
 
Verse 3 is the one that stood out to me.
 
I must've heard my pastor preach on this sometime b/c I have a lot of notes written around this passage.  Beside the word "slander", I wrote "reduces them". 
 
Wow.  Think back to recent conversations.  Anything said to "reduce" someone?  Maybe what we said was true but was the intent to "reduce" them in someone else's eyes?
 
I looked up the Hebrew word for this and it includes the idea of carrying it along.  So I guess it means taking our opinion...or agenda....and advancing it at someone else's expense.  I've done it.  Perhaps you have too. It's the gist of many conversations, even some "prayer requests".  What's disturbed me lately is how I see this playing out on social media.  Somehow cyberspace seems to give us permission to air all our frustrations/disappointments/commentary regarding other people/groups/philosophies/institutions.  Maybe it's without thought to the results but I fear that is not the case.  I am afraid that what we intend with our "sharing" (whether in person or through a button on a cell phone) is to "reduce" someone in the eyes of others....to slander.
 
Perhaps we think we are helping the situation by sharing.  Somehow??  Perhaps we have an unconscious motive to wound the victim of our talk.  Or maybe we are deceived into thinking that "reducing" someone else will "enlarge" ourselves. 
 
I know somebody is gonna bristle at this and argue that I am suggesting we cannot speak the truth.  I'm not saying that.  I am asking that we examine our motive in passing along that truth.  And then consider whether such "sharing" is the right thing to do.  The standard for our speech - which certainly includes speaking and writing - is to be wholesome, edifying, giving grace to the hearer (Eph. 4:29)
 
I am asking God to help me do just that.  Because I want the promise of that last verse:
 
He who does these things (or does NOT do the wrong things) will never be shaken.
 
 

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