If any of you are discouraged by the college kids and 20 somethings that surround you, I have good news for you. There are some exemplary young adults out there and I happen to know a bunch of 'em. I get to hang out with several from time to time and I am in awe of their maturity, their intellect, their zest for life, their depth, and their walks with the Lord. I asked one of these "kids" to write a post for me. Be prepared to be blown away....Meet Kaitlin....
First thing’s first: I don’t know what it means to suffer– I mean, truly suffer. I have never known what it is to be in desperate want of any physical need. I’ve never had to overcome (beyond extended family) the deep sorrow of death. And, by sheer grace, I have never been dealt true tragedy. The Lord has overwhelmed my life with love, joy and provision (via both Him and other people) beyond anything I could possibly deserve. So in terms of a series, guided by my hero Mrs. Suzanne, on guest writers who have undergone sufferings in life, I could not be more unqualified. (And trust me, if I thought she’d be willing to publish a blog post written entirely about how much I love, respect, look up to and want to be her, I would have written that instead.) But when I consider the heart, mind and spirit struggle I’ve wrestled with most in my walk with Him, it has undoubtedly been the longing and waiting for things I want but don’t now have.
First thing’s first: I don’t know what it means to suffer– I mean, truly suffer. I have never known what it is to be in desperate want of any physical need. I’ve never had to overcome (beyond extended family) the deep sorrow of death. And, by sheer grace, I have never been dealt true tragedy. The Lord has overwhelmed my life with love, joy and provision (via both Him and other people) beyond anything I could possibly deserve. So in terms of a series, guided by my hero Mrs. Suzanne, on guest writers who have undergone sufferings in life, I could not be more unqualified. (And trust me, if I thought she’d be willing to publish a blog post written entirely about how much I love, respect, look up to and want to be her, I would have written that instead.) But when I consider the heart, mind and spirit struggle I’ve wrestled with most in my walk with Him, it has undoubtedly been the longing and waiting for things I want but don’t now have.
I’m the youngest of three, and in addition to all the
baby-of-the-family trends I likely confirm, my mom often tells the story of
having to learn, when I was first born, that to both settle and entertain me, I
had to be held facing out. I wanted to see everything. I wanted to be aware of
what everyone was doing, part of all that was happening, confident I wasn’t
missing out on anything. Fast-forward 23 years, and you find a girl who still
hates naps, still is curious about surrounding people and stories, still wants
to see all options and still likes to leave all doors open. As a kid, that could
be pacified by a quick 180 in Mom’s arms. But as an adult, that often translates
to wanting things (specific things, in certain circumstances, in my timing)
that the Lord, in His great wisdom and greater love, simply did not choose (or
has yet) to grant. So in those times, throughout those struggles, I’ve learned
to do two things: (1) examine what He hasn’t given me and the desire ultimately
at the root of it, and (2) remember and cling to the truth of the promises He
has given me: promises to satisfy, to supply every need and to give me all good things—today, in these
circumstances, with or without that thing I long for now.
First, in examining what the Lord hasn’t given me, I
remember the story of Balaam in Numbers 22. Balaam wants to go forward. He
thinks he’s supposed to go forward. He has places to be and things to do that are
forward. He was even acting on a call from God to go forward (v. 19). But in
that moment, at that point, his annoying donkey wouldn’t let him go. Three
times Balaam smacks her in frustration. Because seriously, what’s more agitating
than an immovable object (or circumstance or silence) that stands in the way of
what you believe to be the perfect path? But the donkey saw something that
Balaam could not see (v. 23). The donkey saw an angel of the Lord with a drawn
sword, and the angel did not appear, at the moment, to be Balaam’s biggest fan.
Despite this undesired delay–an unplanned interruption in Balaam’s seemingly
well-laid course–there were greater things happening in the spiritual realm
(i.e. a sword-wielding angel) than Balaam could see, and by not allowing Balaam
to go forward, despite how much he wanted to at the time, God was actually
extending a momentarily incomprehensible grace (for Balaam’s own good) by
choosing not to grant what Balaam wanted most. Elisabeth Elliot often says that
some of God’s greatest mercies are His refusals. I think she’s right.
I am so grateful for the encouraging, challenging, believing
friends the Lord has used to bless my life beyond measure and point me to
Himself. But sometimes, I think we (“we” being an intentional first-person
pronoun, because I can be the most guilty of all) are tempted to give
well-intending but misleading assurances that have strayed from roots once found
in scripture. For example, I’ve often heard that we should be confident we will
receive what we now long for (a specific position, different circumstances,
future marriage, even children), because we desire those things, and God has
promised to give us the desires of our heart. This is true. Psalm 37:4 confirms
that He will. But this promise is given on the condition preceding it: that we
delight ourselves in Him, acknowledging that our true and only source of joy,
satisfaction, purpose and content is in Him. This means, though, that we don’t
ultimately want what we (in our narrow perspective and limited understanding)
think we want for us. We want what He wants for us. And this is promised to be
far better and far more valuable—both in this life and in the one to come.
Second, I remember what He has given me. Confession: for
better or worse, I often take Hebrews 4:16 very seriously and confidently
declare God’s truth and promises (as found in His Word, not as assumed in my
head) before Him–not because I think He needs to be reminded, but because I
know that I do. So I declare them with my mind until I believe them with my
heart. God promised that those who seek Him would lack no good thing (Psalm
34:10), meaning that anything I long for now but do not have (at least in my
timing and in the form I now desire it) is not good. He promised that just as
He watches over and provides for the lilies and sparrows, so He will do for us,
because we are worth far more than they (Matt. 10:31). He promised that He
knows what I need before I even ask Him (Matt. 6:8). And He promised that if I
first seek His Kingdom, that “all these things,” all these things I really
need, and all those things I ultimately long for (found at the roots of the
things I’m shortsightedly longing for now), will be added to me as well–not
according to my timing, my ways or my best-laid plans, but according to His. Thank
goodness for that.
Even so, there’s a lot I don’t know. I don’t know whether the
things I am currently tempted to pity and sorrow over not having are truly good
things. They may be things He wants me to persistently ask for in faith (Luke
11:5-13), or the obstacles standing in the way of them (the unknowns, the
silences, the seemingly unanswered prayers) may be stubborn but God-ordained
donkeys, blocking my path from what I wouldn’t actually want if I could see
them for what they truly are. But here’s what I do know: there sure are a lot
of incomprehensibly good things He has promised to give those who love and seek
Him that I do want (or at least would want, if I could see with His
eyes), and yet leave on the table everyday.
He has made so many bold and unfathomable promises in return
for following Him that are “immeasurably more” than all we could ask or imagine
(Eph. 3:20)–worth far more than anything we leave behind, or anything we do not
have yet think we lack. He has promised to satisfy us– in the morning with His
unfailing love (Psalm 90:14), and with His good, so that our youth is renewed
like the eagle’s (Psalm 103:4-5). He has promised that, if we do not grow weary
in doing good and do not lose heart, in due season, we will reap (Gal. 6:9). He
has promised that, if we dwell in the shelter of the Most High, we will abide
in the shadow of the Almighty (Psalm 91:1). He has promised to work and act for
us as we wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4). He has promised to bless us as we fear Him
(Psalm 115:13). And He has promised that if we humble ourselves under His
mighty hand, He will lift us up in due time (1 Pet. 5:6).
But perhaps best of all, He has promised that He will not be
slow to fulfill those promises as some–like me, in my often faithless
impatience and prideful frustration–understand slowness (2 Pet. 3:9). He will
give me all good things (as I seek Him and His Kingdom) and will grant my
desires (as I delight myself in Him, taking on His desires as my own) in His
perfect timing and ways. And He will not delay. So at the end of the day, at
the end of those prayers, at the bottom of those tears, I remind myself that
even in my earthly desires—which the enemy longs to use to distract me from the
only true source of fulfillment, goodness and life—that, ultimately, as Bob
Goff said best, “Whatever it is we’re aiming for, God’s better.”
But beyond all the truths of
Scripture, all the words of Jesus and all the personal testimonies of friends,
there is one additional lesson that has given me great assurance, confidence
and peace in looking to the Father throughout my periods of uncertainty, of
longing and of waiting: watching my own father (fondly referred to, by my two-year-old
nephew Hayden, as Dan-Dan) become a granddad to my sister’s precious kids.
Maybe it’s because, being the youngest, I didn’t have the chance to watch my dad
be a father to other young kids (at least, not any younger than me), but it is
truly unreal how much my parents love those two. They are the absolute joy of my
parents’ lives. And while Mom provides the unfailing patience and tireless
enthusiasm, it is Dad’s deep compassion and quiet love that often strike me
most.
I think Hayden is, in some ways,
the fourth son Dad never had. And for that reason (and many others) I genuinely
believe that if there were anything, absolutely anything, Hayden wanted that
was (a) good for him and (b) in Dad’s power to give, Dad would give it–as
absolutely soon, and in the absolute best way, as he possibly could. But if
Hayden asked Dad to let him touch the hot stove (just one time, because it
looked so fun, because it surely couldn’t be that bad, because he could make a
very thought-out case, because everyone around him said it’d be great) no
matter how much Hayden begged, and no matter how much sorrow, resentment and
frustration he harbored for being refused, Dad would not say yes. This is not
because Dad doesn’t love him, or because Dad doesn’t want him to have all good
things or because Dad wants to inflict hurt, but precisely because of the
opposite. And in terms of a heavenly Father who loves me even more, I know that,
regardless of what I now see and understand—as He gives and takes away, as He
answers and remains silent, as He grants and refuses—He is doing the very same,
on an infinitely greater scale, for me.
Of all the things I long for in
life right now, I do not always know which are good, God-given desires and
which are hot stoves that I want to touch because, with blinded eyes like
Balaam’s, I cannot see them for what they truly are. But what I do know is that our Father rewards
those who earnestly seek Him (Heb. 11:6), He will meet our every need in Christ
Jesus (Philippians 4:19), in His presence there is fullness of joy (Psalm
16:11) and at the end of the day, whether with Him and all these things we want,
or with Him and Him alone, His grace is, and will always be, sufficient for me
(2 Cor. 12:9).
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Yep, this kid is incredible. One of the most authentically humble, selfless and Christlike people I have ever had the privilege to know. Take just a few more minutes and listen to her speak at her UGA graduation Spring 2013.
Kaitlin Miller.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfPaKC-cQp4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfPaKC-cQp4
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yep, this kid is incredible. One of the most authentically humble, selfless and Christlike people I have ever had the privilege to know. Take just a few more minutes and listen to her speak at her UGA graduation Spring 2013.
Kaitlin Miller.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfPaKC-cQp4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfPaKC-cQp4
