Please join me in praying for those kidnapped young girls in Nigeria. Please pray. Fervently. We serve a mighty God and I know with all my heart that He does not want them to remain enslaved. Please pray until they are returned.
Waging the war....successfully
I promised a follow up to the "war is a good sign" post. Here goes.
Indeed, the presence of a struggle between flesh and spirit means that the Spirit is alive in you but the point is not to abide in the struggle....the point is to win.
You may be saying "yes! I want to win! But I've tried and tried and tried and ______ is still a problem in my life. I still lose my temper, I still battle obesity/pornography/alcohol, I still am jealous of others, I still......... whatever....I keep losing."
The struggle - between my flesh ("self") and the Spirit.
When my flesh is in control, it convinces me that I am owed certain things (like comfort, security, significance, pleasure) and when those things are not delivered as I expect, products like worry and anger and jealousy and impurity and strife are produced. John Piper calls these "works of the flesh" - " emotional attempts to settle accounts because we didn't get what we thought we deserved". My flesh is awfully convinced that I merit far more than is actually true, and often, more than I am getting.
The Spirit, on the other hand, produces life. Galatians 5:22,23 describes the results of a life dominated by the Spirit instead of the flesh: " love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control"
Duh, I choose "Spirit". How bout you?
I want to, I really do. And I'll bet you do, too.
How can we?
Indeed, the presence of a struggle between flesh and spirit means that the Spirit is alive in you but the point is not to abide in the struggle....the point is to win.
You may be saying "yes! I want to win! But I've tried and tried and tried and ______ is still a problem in my life. I still lose my temper, I still battle obesity/pornography/alcohol, I still am jealous of others, I still......... whatever....I keep losing."
The struggle - between my flesh ("self") and the Spirit.
When my flesh is in control, it convinces me that I am owed certain things (like comfort, security, significance, pleasure) and when those things are not delivered as I expect, products like worry and anger and jealousy and impurity and strife are produced. John Piper calls these "works of the flesh" - " emotional attempts to settle accounts because we didn't get what we thought we deserved". My flesh is awfully convinced that I merit far more than is actually true, and often, more than I am getting.
The Spirit, on the other hand, produces life. Galatians 5:22,23 describes the results of a life dominated by the Spirit instead of the flesh: " love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control"
Duh, I choose "Spirit". How bout you?
I want to, I really do. And I'll bet you do, too.
How can we?
I don't have "three keys to successfully dying to yourself". Even if I did, our flesh would probably refuse to read them! Our flesh or adamic nature or "self" is quite stubbornly intent on running the show.
But I do have some good news.
First, the reality.
For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do (Galatians 5:17)
and
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
(Romans 7:22-25)
Next, the good news for the Christ-follower:
Our flesh has been rendered powerless.
We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin (Romans 6:6)
But wait, why does my flesh continue to cause me problems if it's been crucified???
Our flesh has indeed been dealt a mortal wound. Piper describes it as "dragon that resides in the cave of our soul" and " It is a mortal wound. It will die. That is certain. But it has not yet bled to death, and it may yet revive with violent convulsions and do much harm. So you must treat it as dead and seal the cave as a tomb. The Lord of darkness may cause earthquakes in your soul to shake the stones loose, but you build them up again. And have this confidence: with my sword and my hand on yours this dragon's doom is sure, he is finished, and your new life is secure."
So the dragon called flesh can bellow loudly and order us around....but we don't have to comply.
Know that, once we are in Christ, we never have to sin again. Anytime we "fall" to anger or impurity or jealousy or any other product of the flesh, it's because we chose to.
Seriously. We chose that sin.
Over peace and kindness and purity and joy.
Last, the tip for how to make the right choice. Which results in the desired product.
Quite simple, actually.
For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:6)
The way to live a life that is characterized by love (for God and others) instead of a life that cherishes self...walking by the Spirit instead of according to the flesh....is a result of
Our mindset.
When we set our mind on the truth and value of the Spirit, the result is life....love...peace...joy.
But if our mind is instead focused on pleasing and satisfying and rewarding our self, the result is death.
Choosing to set our mind on the Spirit is what Scripture calls "dying to self".
What does this look like when we are in a struggle with our teenager or our toddler, when there is a clash between the will of our spouse and our own, when it feels like a nap or the entire bag of Oreos is what the only thing that will make us feel better?
We choose.
We can give in to the demands of the flesh by agreeing with it that we deserve whatever our flesh is suggesting.
Or we can direct our thoughts to what God says is true. That He supplies all that we need in Christ Jesus. That He only gives good and perfect gifts to His children. That it is more blessed to give than to receive. That we can do all things through Christ.
Simple, yes.
Harder to do, yes.
But the more we exercise that muscle to choose the things of the Spirit, the less we listen to the dying demands of our flesh, the more we get to enjoy the fruit that the Spirit produces.
But I do have some good news.
First, the reality.
For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do (Galatians 5:17)
and
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
(Romans 7:22-25)
Next, the good news for the Christ-follower:
Our flesh has been rendered powerless.
We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin (Romans 6:6)
But wait, why does my flesh continue to cause me problems if it's been crucified???
Our flesh has indeed been dealt a mortal wound. Piper describes it as "dragon that resides in the cave of our soul" and " It is a mortal wound. It will die. That is certain. But it has not yet bled to death, and it may yet revive with violent convulsions and do much harm. So you must treat it as dead and seal the cave as a tomb. The Lord of darkness may cause earthquakes in your soul to shake the stones loose, but you build them up again. And have this confidence: with my sword and my hand on yours this dragon's doom is sure, he is finished, and your new life is secure."
So the dragon called flesh can bellow loudly and order us around....but we don't have to comply.
Know that, once we are in Christ, we never have to sin again. Anytime we "fall" to anger or impurity or jealousy or any other product of the flesh, it's because we chose to.
Seriously. We chose that sin.
Over peace and kindness and purity and joy.
Last, the tip for how to make the right choice. Which results in the desired product.
Quite simple, actually.
For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:6)
The way to live a life that is characterized by love (for God and others) instead of a life that cherishes self...walking by the Spirit instead of according to the flesh....is a result of
Our mindset.
When we set our mind on the truth and value of the Spirit, the result is life....love...peace...joy.
But if our mind is instead focused on pleasing and satisfying and rewarding our self, the result is death.
Choosing to set our mind on the Spirit is what Scripture calls "dying to self".
What does this look like when we are in a struggle with our teenager or our toddler, when there is a clash between the will of our spouse and our own, when it feels like a nap or the entire bag of Oreos is what the only thing that will make us feel better?
We choose.
We can give in to the demands of the flesh by agreeing with it that we deserve whatever our flesh is suggesting.
Or we can direct our thoughts to what God says is true. That He supplies all that we need in Christ Jesus. That He only gives good and perfect gifts to His children. That it is more blessed to give than to receive. That we can do all things through Christ.
Simple, yes.
Harder to do, yes.
But the more we exercise that muscle to choose the things of the Spirit, the less we listen to the dying demands of our flesh, the more we get to enjoy the fruit that the Spirit produces.
The problem with parenting....and all other challenges
One of my most fav readers commented to me after the last post(advice from a couple of pros - see below) that the actual tasks of caring for small children might not be hard in themselves, but dying to yourself is.
That woman is spot on, I think. Very wise.
Her insight led me to today's post -
What makes parenting (at any stage) difficult? Why does it feel like a war with the ones we love the most?
It's not the war without....it's the war within.
Our spirit vs. our flesh.
For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would Galatians 5:17
But wait - before you sigh in disgust, "oh great it's all my fault" and quit reading, give this a listen. The war is a good sign.
I'll get to that part in a moment but first let's examine "desires of the flesh". At first glance, it's tempting to read that and think we are exempt if we aren't guilty of public drunkenness, pornography addictions or extra marital affairs. While those things do fit into the "desires of the flesh" category, there's a whole lot more in that box. Believe me!
What does our "flesh" desire? What IS our "flesh"? Here's how John Piper defines "flesh" -it does not simply refer to the physical part of you. The flesh is the ego which feels an emptiness and uses the resources in its own power to try to fill it. Flesh is the "I" who tries to satisfy me with anything but God's mercy.
So that longing for personal comfort (sleeping for as long as I want to or not having to experience emotional angst over sibling squabbles), that quest for personal pleasure (all the golf/reading/whatever I can get in or all the Oreos in the pantry), that yearning for significance in the eyes of others (through the car I drive or the successful children I spawned) are all desires of the flesh....human attempts to fill the emptiness of our souls.
These desires are incompatible with the "desires of the Spirit" (the desires to know God, to honor and obey and delight in Him above all else). That's why I say that this "war within" is a good sign. If there were no struggle, that would mean the flesh is completely in control. And that's not good news at all.
Parenting (and marriage and relationships at work, in the neighborhood, and at church) is the battlefield on which the war is waged. It's not the war - it's just where it happens. When my flesh vs spirit struggle clashes with that of my child/spouse/neighbor, it can result in great carnage but remember that those relationships are not the war....just where it happens. That means the enemy isn't your child, your spouse, your boss, or your neighbor....and it's not you, either. It's the flesh that was dealt a mortal blow but doesn't know it's dead that's the enemy. Flesh that doesn't want us to obey the command to love God with our whole hearts and to love others as much as we love ourselves....and our own comfort and pleasure and significance. Flesh that opposes every effort we make to live according to the Spirit, our new nature.
Flesh that is doomed to destruction. And next time, I'll share some thoughts on how to walk by the Spirit so that we don't carry out the desires of the flesh.
And maybe there'll be some tips that we can apply to marriage and parenting and all other challenges, uh, relationships.
For now, take heart. The hard part of parenting is designed to render the greatest blessing - a life led by the Spirit....the path to joy and peace and blessing. Hallelujah!
That woman is spot on, I think. Very wise.
Her insight led me to today's post -
What makes parenting (at any stage) difficult? Why does it feel like a war with the ones we love the most?
It's not the war without....it's the war within.
Our spirit vs. our flesh.
For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would Galatians 5:17
But wait - before you sigh in disgust, "oh great it's all my fault" and quit reading, give this a listen. The war is a good sign.
I'll get to that part in a moment but first let's examine "desires of the flesh". At first glance, it's tempting to read that and think we are exempt if we aren't guilty of public drunkenness, pornography addictions or extra marital affairs. While those things do fit into the "desires of the flesh" category, there's a whole lot more in that box. Believe me!
What does our "flesh" desire? What IS our "flesh"? Here's how John Piper defines "flesh" -it does not simply refer to the physical part of you. The flesh is the ego which feels an emptiness and uses the resources in its own power to try to fill it. Flesh is the "I" who tries to satisfy me with anything but God's mercy.
So that longing for personal comfort (sleeping for as long as I want to or not having to experience emotional angst over sibling squabbles), that quest for personal pleasure (all the golf/reading/whatever I can get in or all the Oreos in the pantry), that yearning for significance in the eyes of others (through the car I drive or the successful children I spawned) are all desires of the flesh....human attempts to fill the emptiness of our souls.
These desires are incompatible with the "desires of the Spirit" (the desires to know God, to honor and obey and delight in Him above all else). That's why I say that this "war within" is a good sign. If there were no struggle, that would mean the flesh is completely in control. And that's not good news at all.
Parenting (and marriage and relationships at work, in the neighborhood, and at church) is the battlefield on which the war is waged. It's not the war - it's just where it happens. When my flesh vs spirit struggle clashes with that of my child/spouse/neighbor, it can result in great carnage but remember that those relationships are not the war....just where it happens. That means the enemy isn't your child, your spouse, your boss, or your neighbor....and it's not you, either. It's the flesh that was dealt a mortal blow but doesn't know it's dead that's the enemy. Flesh that doesn't want us to obey the command to love God with our whole hearts and to love others as much as we love ourselves....and our own comfort and pleasure and significance. Flesh that opposes every effort we make to live according to the Spirit, our new nature.
Flesh that is doomed to destruction. And next time, I'll share some thoughts on how to walk by the Spirit so that we don't carry out the desires of the flesh.
And maybe there'll be some tips that we can apply to marriage and parenting and all other challenges, uh, relationships.
For now, take heart. The hard part of parenting is designed to render the greatest blessing - a life led by the Spirit....the path to joy and peace and blessing. Hallelujah!
Advice from a couple of pros
I was enjoying my conversation with this "seasoned" Mom/grandmother. She's raised a bunch of kids to adulthood and is now enjoying a crew of grandkids. Now that I fit in both categories, I figured we'd share some insights. Launching into the "Moms of young kids have it tough-those early stages are so hard-my heart goes out to them" spiel, I waited for her to share the sympathy I was extending as tribute to all the Moms of little ones that I get to do life with.
Instead she said "It's not that hard" without batting an eyelash.
I back-pedaled, explaining that I remember how hard it is to lose sleep, decipher frustrated babbles, chase perpetual motion, and press through the irony of feeling isolated when you never have a moment alone. Here's a summary of her thoughts -
Take a chill pill. Women have been raising kids since the dawn of time and it's just not as hard as we want to make it. Sure it's serious business and it's the most valuable job in the universe but, relax. Buck up, actually. It's not that hard.
Forget trying to impress others with your FB pictures and "pinnable moments" and just play with your children. Get your big girl panties on and "look well to the ways of your household". Quit the whinin'. Train those kids to obey - without losing your cool - and enjoy them. Every single stage will pass and each one will have unique joys and challenges. Don't act like it's impossible to function pleasantly without sleep and be tough enough to outlast your toddler's tantrums....cheerfully.
About halfway through her comments, I decided to forego my planned lament about how hard it is to parent adult children!
I reflected. And recalled a conversation with one of the wisest women I've ever known. She's long since gone on to collect her reward for surviving a whole handful of children and living victoriously through some marriage AND parenting storms that have leveled plenty of other strong women. I wanted to know the secret. Hoping she wouldn't give me the Sunday School answer, I crossed my fingers for some practical advice.
She delivered.
Teach the kids two things - in order of priority -
1. To persevere patiently
2. To serve cheerfully
We need to develop the muscle of perseverance in our children so that they can face difficulties and doubts and despair without crumbling. Let's be honest - at some point, they are going to wonder if the faith they've been taught is the truth...or worth it. Their marriage commitment is going to be tested. They are going to be hit with, at best, disappointment, and at worst, devastating loss. Their ability to handle these curve balls of adversity is based largely on whether or not they have the spiritual and emotional fortitude to hang on.
The aptitude of serving cheerfully means a person has weaned themselves from the narcissism of thinking "it's all about me". How I feel, what I want, and who owes me. If we want our children to develop into healthy, successful adults, it is imperative that we begin early to train them to serve. Cheerfully. Notice the needs of others around them and move to meet those needs. Starts at home.
Good counsel but how do we apply it? Practically speaking.
Here's a couple of suggestions-
1. Don't solve all their problems for them. Let them struggle a bit to get their shirt over their head or retrieve the ball they missed. Or decide which classes to take and whether or not to play baseball this season.
2. Let them feel the consequences of decisions. Yes, this will be more painful for you than for them and I am all for rescuing them when it's necessary but be careful of enabling them to be sloppy and forgetful and lazy. How many times should you make that extra trip to bring the forgotten term paper or practice shoes to them? Once, maybe twice. But know that they will make their own necessary adjustments when they've had to run laps or take a zero because of their ineptitude.
3. Don't treat them like a diva. Five year olds don't need birthday parties that rival Cinderella's ball and proms should not be treated like a wedding. Enough said.
4. Give them repeated opportunities to serve. Beginning at home. If you've read anything I've written you know that I consider family chores to be the panacea for pretty much all ills and this is no exception. Present it to them in terms of serving. SERVE. At home and away.
5. Let them be mistreated without coming to their defense. All Mama-Bear claws are aimed in my direction right about NOW! But seriously, let them "suffer". Sympathize with them, cry with them, but be very very very very very careful about marching into the appropriate office and demanding retribution. (In cases of illegal activity, of course I think you better step in but I'm instead talking about "unfair" treatment from a coach or hurtful words from a friend and the like)
6. Let them see in your life a shining example of cheerful service and patient perseverance. They won't forget the lessons they see lived in front of them. Talk plenty, walk more.
Let's don't make this any harder than it really is :)
Instead she said "It's not that hard" without batting an eyelash.
I back-pedaled, explaining that I remember how hard it is to lose sleep, decipher frustrated babbles, chase perpetual motion, and press through the irony of feeling isolated when you never have a moment alone. Here's a summary of her thoughts -
Take a chill pill. Women have been raising kids since the dawn of time and it's just not as hard as we want to make it. Sure it's serious business and it's the most valuable job in the universe but, relax. Buck up, actually. It's not that hard.
Forget trying to impress others with your FB pictures and "pinnable moments" and just play with your children. Get your big girl panties on and "look well to the ways of your household". Quit the whinin'. Train those kids to obey - without losing your cool - and enjoy them. Every single stage will pass and each one will have unique joys and challenges. Don't act like it's impossible to function pleasantly without sleep and be tough enough to outlast your toddler's tantrums....cheerfully.
About halfway through her comments, I decided to forego my planned lament about how hard it is to parent adult children!
I reflected. And recalled a conversation with one of the wisest women I've ever known. She's long since gone on to collect her reward for surviving a whole handful of children and living victoriously through some marriage AND parenting storms that have leveled plenty of other strong women. I wanted to know the secret. Hoping she wouldn't give me the Sunday School answer, I crossed my fingers for some practical advice.
She delivered.
Teach the kids two things - in order of priority -
1. To persevere patiently
2. To serve cheerfully
We need to develop the muscle of perseverance in our children so that they can face difficulties and doubts and despair without crumbling. Let's be honest - at some point, they are going to wonder if the faith they've been taught is the truth...or worth it. Their marriage commitment is going to be tested. They are going to be hit with, at best, disappointment, and at worst, devastating loss. Their ability to handle these curve balls of adversity is based largely on whether or not they have the spiritual and emotional fortitude to hang on.
The aptitude of serving cheerfully means a person has weaned themselves from the narcissism of thinking "it's all about me". How I feel, what I want, and who owes me. If we want our children to develop into healthy, successful adults, it is imperative that we begin early to train them to serve. Cheerfully. Notice the needs of others around them and move to meet those needs. Starts at home.
Good counsel but how do we apply it? Practically speaking.
Here's a couple of suggestions-
1. Don't solve all their problems for them. Let them struggle a bit to get their shirt over their head or retrieve the ball they missed. Or decide which classes to take and whether or not to play baseball this season.
2. Let them feel the consequences of decisions. Yes, this will be more painful for you than for them and I am all for rescuing them when it's necessary but be careful of enabling them to be sloppy and forgetful and lazy. How many times should you make that extra trip to bring the forgotten term paper or practice shoes to them? Once, maybe twice. But know that they will make their own necessary adjustments when they've had to run laps or take a zero because of their ineptitude.
3. Don't treat them like a diva. Five year olds don't need birthday parties that rival Cinderella's ball and proms should not be treated like a wedding. Enough said.
4. Give them repeated opportunities to serve. Beginning at home. If you've read anything I've written you know that I consider family chores to be the panacea for pretty much all ills and this is no exception. Present it to them in terms of serving. SERVE. At home and away.
5. Let them be mistreated without coming to their defense. All Mama-Bear claws are aimed in my direction right about NOW! But seriously, let them "suffer". Sympathize with them, cry with them, but be very very very very very careful about marching into the appropriate office and demanding retribution. (In cases of illegal activity, of course I think you better step in but I'm instead talking about "unfair" treatment from a coach or hurtful words from a friend and the like)
6. Let them see in your life a shining example of cheerful service and patient perseverance. They won't forget the lessons they see lived in front of them. Talk plenty, walk more.
Let's don't make this any harder than it really is :)
Guest post - meet Kaitlin
If any of you are discouraged by the college kids and 20 somethings that surround you, I have good news for you. There are some exemplary young adults out there and I happen to know a bunch of 'em. I get to hang out with several from time to time and I am in awe of their maturity, their intellect, their zest for life, their depth, and their walks with the Lord. I asked one of these "kids" to write a post for me. Be prepared to be blown away....Meet Kaitlin....
First thing’s first: I don’t know what it means to suffer– I mean, truly suffer. I have never known what it is to be in desperate want of any physical need. I’ve never had to overcome (beyond extended family) the deep sorrow of death. And, by sheer grace, I have never been dealt true tragedy. The Lord has overwhelmed my life with love, joy and provision (via both Him and other people) beyond anything I could possibly deserve. So in terms of a series, guided by my hero Mrs. Suzanne, on guest writers who have undergone sufferings in life, I could not be more unqualified. (And trust me, if I thought she’d be willing to publish a blog post written entirely about how much I love, respect, look up to and want to be her, I would have written that instead.) But when I consider the heart, mind and spirit struggle I’ve wrestled with most in my walk with Him, it has undoubtedly been the longing and waiting for things I want but don’t now have.
First thing’s first: I don’t know what it means to suffer– I mean, truly suffer. I have never known what it is to be in desperate want of any physical need. I’ve never had to overcome (beyond extended family) the deep sorrow of death. And, by sheer grace, I have never been dealt true tragedy. The Lord has overwhelmed my life with love, joy and provision (via both Him and other people) beyond anything I could possibly deserve. So in terms of a series, guided by my hero Mrs. Suzanne, on guest writers who have undergone sufferings in life, I could not be more unqualified. (And trust me, if I thought she’d be willing to publish a blog post written entirely about how much I love, respect, look up to and want to be her, I would have written that instead.) But when I consider the heart, mind and spirit struggle I’ve wrestled with most in my walk with Him, it has undoubtedly been the longing and waiting for things I want but don’t now have.
I’m the youngest of three, and in addition to all the
baby-of-the-family trends I likely confirm, my mom often tells the story of
having to learn, when I was first born, that to both settle and entertain me, I
had to be held facing out. I wanted to see everything. I wanted to be aware of
what everyone was doing, part of all that was happening, confident I wasn’t
missing out on anything. Fast-forward 23 years, and you find a girl who still
hates naps, still is curious about surrounding people and stories, still wants
to see all options and still likes to leave all doors open. As a kid, that could
be pacified by a quick 180 in Mom’s arms. But as an adult, that often translates
to wanting things (specific things, in certain circumstances, in my timing)
that the Lord, in His great wisdom and greater love, simply did not choose (or
has yet) to grant. So in those times, throughout those struggles, I’ve learned
to do two things: (1) examine what He hasn’t given me and the desire ultimately
at the root of it, and (2) remember and cling to the truth of the promises He
has given me: promises to satisfy, to supply every need and to give me all good things—today, in these
circumstances, with or without that thing I long for now.
First, in examining what the Lord hasn’t given me, I
remember the story of Balaam in Numbers 22. Balaam wants to go forward. He
thinks he’s supposed to go forward. He has places to be and things to do that are
forward. He was even acting on a call from God to go forward (v. 19). But in
that moment, at that point, his annoying donkey wouldn’t let him go. Three
times Balaam smacks her in frustration. Because seriously, what’s more agitating
than an immovable object (or circumstance or silence) that stands in the way of
what you believe to be the perfect path? But the donkey saw something that
Balaam could not see (v. 23). The donkey saw an angel of the Lord with a drawn
sword, and the angel did not appear, at the moment, to be Balaam’s biggest fan.
Despite this undesired delay–an unplanned interruption in Balaam’s seemingly
well-laid course–there were greater things happening in the spiritual realm
(i.e. a sword-wielding angel) than Balaam could see, and by not allowing Balaam
to go forward, despite how much he wanted to at the time, God was actually
extending a momentarily incomprehensible grace (for Balaam’s own good) by
choosing not to grant what Balaam wanted most. Elisabeth Elliot often says that
some of God’s greatest mercies are His refusals. I think she’s right.
I am so grateful for the encouraging, challenging, believing
friends the Lord has used to bless my life beyond measure and point me to
Himself. But sometimes, I think we (“we” being an intentional first-person
pronoun, because I can be the most guilty of all) are tempted to give
well-intending but misleading assurances that have strayed from roots once found
in scripture. For example, I’ve often heard that we should be confident we will
receive what we now long for (a specific position, different circumstances,
future marriage, even children), because we desire those things, and God has
promised to give us the desires of our heart. This is true. Psalm 37:4 confirms
that He will. But this promise is given on the condition preceding it: that we
delight ourselves in Him, acknowledging that our true and only source of joy,
satisfaction, purpose and content is in Him. This means, though, that we don’t
ultimately want what we (in our narrow perspective and limited understanding)
think we want for us. We want what He wants for us. And this is promised to be
far better and far more valuable—both in this life and in the one to come.
Second, I remember what He has given me. Confession: for
better or worse, I often take Hebrews 4:16 very seriously and confidently
declare God’s truth and promises (as found in His Word, not as assumed in my
head) before Him–not because I think He needs to be reminded, but because I
know that I do. So I declare them with my mind until I believe them with my
heart. God promised that those who seek Him would lack no good thing (Psalm
34:10), meaning that anything I long for now but do not have (at least in my
timing and in the form I now desire it) is not good. He promised that just as
He watches over and provides for the lilies and sparrows, so He will do for us,
because we are worth far more than they (Matt. 10:31). He promised that He
knows what I need before I even ask Him (Matt. 6:8). And He promised that if I
first seek His Kingdom, that “all these things,” all these things I really
need, and all those things I ultimately long for (found at the roots of the
things I’m shortsightedly longing for now), will be added to me as well–not
according to my timing, my ways or my best-laid plans, but according to His. Thank
goodness for that.
Even so, there’s a lot I don’t know. I don’t know whether the
things I am currently tempted to pity and sorrow over not having are truly good
things. They may be things He wants me to persistently ask for in faith (Luke
11:5-13), or the obstacles standing in the way of them (the unknowns, the
silences, the seemingly unanswered prayers) may be stubborn but God-ordained
donkeys, blocking my path from what I wouldn’t actually want if I could see
them for what they truly are. But here’s what I do know: there sure are a lot
of incomprehensibly good things He has promised to give those who love and seek
Him that I do want (or at least would want, if I could see with His
eyes), and yet leave on the table everyday.
He has made so many bold and unfathomable promises in return
for following Him that are “immeasurably more” than all we could ask or imagine
(Eph. 3:20)–worth far more than anything we leave behind, or anything we do not
have yet think we lack. He has promised to satisfy us– in the morning with His
unfailing love (Psalm 90:14), and with His good, so that our youth is renewed
like the eagle’s (Psalm 103:4-5). He has promised that, if we do not grow weary
in doing good and do not lose heart, in due season, we will reap (Gal. 6:9). He
has promised that, if we dwell in the shelter of the Most High, we will abide
in the shadow of the Almighty (Psalm 91:1). He has promised to work and act for
us as we wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4). He has promised to bless us as we fear Him
(Psalm 115:13). And He has promised that if we humble ourselves under His
mighty hand, He will lift us up in due time (1 Pet. 5:6).
But perhaps best of all, He has promised that He will not be
slow to fulfill those promises as some–like me, in my often faithless
impatience and prideful frustration–understand slowness (2 Pet. 3:9). He will
give me all good things (as I seek Him and His Kingdom) and will grant my
desires (as I delight myself in Him, taking on His desires as my own) in His
perfect timing and ways. And He will not delay. So at the end of the day, at
the end of those prayers, at the bottom of those tears, I remind myself that
even in my earthly desires—which the enemy longs to use to distract me from the
only true source of fulfillment, goodness and life—that, ultimately, as Bob
Goff said best, “Whatever it is we’re aiming for, God’s better.”
But beyond all the truths of
Scripture, all the words of Jesus and all the personal testimonies of friends,
there is one additional lesson that has given me great assurance, confidence
and peace in looking to the Father throughout my periods of uncertainty, of
longing and of waiting: watching my own father (fondly referred to, by my two-year-old
nephew Hayden, as Dan-Dan) become a granddad to my sister’s precious kids.
Maybe it’s because, being the youngest, I didn’t have the chance to watch my dad
be a father to other young kids (at least, not any younger than me), but it is
truly unreal how much my parents love those two. They are the absolute joy of my
parents’ lives. And while Mom provides the unfailing patience and tireless
enthusiasm, it is Dad’s deep compassion and quiet love that often strike me
most.
I think Hayden is, in some ways,
the fourth son Dad never had. And for that reason (and many others) I genuinely
believe that if there were anything, absolutely anything, Hayden wanted that
was (a) good for him and (b) in Dad’s power to give, Dad would give it–as
absolutely soon, and in the absolute best way, as he possibly could. But if
Hayden asked Dad to let him touch the hot stove (just one time, because it
looked so fun, because it surely couldn’t be that bad, because he could make a
very thought-out case, because everyone around him said it’d be great) no
matter how much Hayden begged, and no matter how much sorrow, resentment and
frustration he harbored for being refused, Dad would not say yes. This is not
because Dad doesn’t love him, or because Dad doesn’t want him to have all good
things or because Dad wants to inflict hurt, but precisely because of the
opposite. And in terms of a heavenly Father who loves me even more, I know that,
regardless of what I now see and understand—as He gives and takes away, as He
answers and remains silent, as He grants and refuses—He is doing the very same,
on an infinitely greater scale, for me.
Of all the things I long for in
life right now, I do not always know which are good, God-given desires and
which are hot stoves that I want to touch because, with blinded eyes like
Balaam’s, I cannot see them for what they truly are. But what I do know is that our Father rewards
those who earnestly seek Him (Heb. 11:6), He will meet our every need in Christ
Jesus (Philippians 4:19), in His presence there is fullness of joy (Psalm
16:11) and at the end of the day, whether with Him and all these things we want,
or with Him and Him alone, His grace is, and will always be, sufficient for me
(2 Cor. 12:9).
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Yep, this kid is incredible. One of the most authentically humble, selfless and Christlike people I have ever had the privilege to know. Take just a few more minutes and listen to her speak at her UGA graduation Spring 2013.
Kaitlin Miller.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfPaKC-cQp4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfPaKC-cQp4
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yep, this kid is incredible. One of the most authentically humble, selfless and Christlike people I have ever had the privilege to know. Take just a few more minutes and listen to her speak at her UGA graduation Spring 2013.
Kaitlin Miller.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfPaKC-cQp4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfPaKC-cQp4