A Dating Tip

It's VBS at our church this week.  That's "churchspeak" for "Vacation Bible School" - a fun, crazy, hectic, glorious 5 days where kids get to hear the incredible Good News of God's love.


It is my privilege to get the chance to hang out with middle schoolers.


This has to be the greatest age.


A cataclysmic mix of emotions and energies and enigma.


Tonight I am going to share with them a really really cool bit of dating advice that I found in Proverbs.


If you happen to read this and then run into some 6th-8th grade girls from Watkinsville, don't spoil my lesson.  I'm looking forward to being the one to give them this tip.


Here it is:

Proverbs 4:26 says - Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established


So what does that have to do with dating????


Well, I came upon this verse while preparing to teach on Proverbs 4:23 - Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.

Such a fabulous verse.  Underscoring the importance of what goes on in our heart - because that is the source of all that happens in our life.
Then the next four verses that tell us how to guard our hearts


Put away from you a deceitful mouth
And put devious speech far from you.
 Let your eyes look directly ahead
And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
 Watch the path of your feet
And all your ways will be established.
 Do not turn to the right nor to the left;
Turn your foot from evil.


We take care of our hearts (and therefore our very lives) by being careful about what comes out of our mouths, what our eyes focus on, and where our feet go.
Life-altering.  Truly. 
Every single verse is a post of its own.


But what I uncovered in verse 26 is something I'd never seen before.
Truly, truly God's Word is living and active!


Watch the path of your feet....and all your ways will be established -
The verse was originally written in Hebrew.  And the word for "ways" is the word "derek".  It means course of life, actions, behaviors.  But it is specifically used for ....
Dating!
Seriously!


Ponder what that means for a minute.
Where we go (places, people, activities) determines the course of our dating life.
Probably 99.99% of the time, the person we marry is someone we've dated.
And the person we've dated is someone we've met in places we've been.


So, I plan to ask those middle school gals tonight - what kind of husband do you dream about?
A man that cherishes you?  Values your mind and your heart?  Protects you - physically and emotionally?  Defends your honor? Sees you as a treasured life partner? Sacrifices his own comfort and desires for your good?  Loves you unconditionally and completely...like Jesus does the Church?


Then you need to take care that your feet don't go to places where those kind of men don't hang out.
And spend your time where those kind of husbands are being groomed.


And then be the kind of woman
that the kind of man you dream about
would want to love.

To the grandmother at Cookout

I assume you're a grandma. Considering the difference in our ages and the incredulous fact that I'm a grandma you may even be a great grandma!
You had the look about you   Your mannerisms were gentle and easy. Your temperament was sweet and the way you insisted on going last at the drink station let me know you've had lots of practice being selfless. We had a fun albeit quick little chat about how confusing the drink dispenser was.  Your smile was engaging.


I went on to my table and enjoyed my burger with Betsy.  As she set out to conquer her cookie dough milkshake, I took a moment to scan the restaurant, wondering about the hubby I expected to see you sitting across from.


I found you.


But not him.


Not anybody.


You were alone.
Eating your burger and fries.  In solitude.


I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds as my mind covered the gamut of the possible scenarios of your life.


To lots of young Moms, getting to eat alone - even if only a Cookout burger and fries - sounds like an unattainable luxury!  But I wonder if that maybe isn't how you felt at all.  I don't know what circumstances surround your alone-ess but I think your being here by yourself takes courage.


Maybe you were out running errands and your hubby is at home but it was time for lunch and so you just came in to eat. 
It still takes courage to sit by yourself, surrounded by people.


Maybe you are driving to visit family and this was a stop along the way.
It still takes courage to sit by yourself, surrounded by people.  And to figure out the drink refill thing.


Or maybe your story is that you're alone every day.  That your hubby of a lot of kids and years is gone.  And you're out to eat to beat the alone-ness.
That takes an awful lot of courage.


While Betsy made sure that she left no molecule untouched in her delectable dessert, I wondered if you'd been alone long.  If you'd had a happy marriage, the blessing of children, and a good life.  If you have dear friends that you get together with regularly.  If you feel loved and valued.


Or if you're really lonely and if the prospect of eating by yourself surrounded by people sounded better than eating by yourself all alone.


 The tears that were welling up in my eyes as I considered that this might be your story mean that I admire you.


And that my brief goodbye and watery smile as Betsy and I passed by your table on our way out were meant to pay homage to your courage.


I hope you enjoyed your lunch.  And I hope somehow that you're on your way to a great party to celebrate you.
And I really really really hope that you're not lonely.

Guest post - Bondage

Today  I want to introduce you to my friend Irene.  She wrote a book (I think that is so cool!) that was just released.  After being burdened by seeing fellow believers be so careless about what they put into their minds, Irene sat down at the computer and downloaded her heart.  Nothing Gray about It was the result.


Take a read of this piece she wrote for Living Letters and I think you'll see not only why I love her, admire her, and am grateful for her presence in my life but also why I highly recommend her book.
She has graciously agreed to let me give away 3 free copies of her book to the first three women who email me privately at chamfam@bellsouth.net.  Someone you know (maybe even yourself!) would greatly benefit from this book.  Contact me and the first three gals will land a copy.


Here's Irene....
It’s a Package Deal


 


Bondage appears to be the newest hype these days. It has somehow been translated into the hip theme in novels and movies. It's depicted as exciting, luring, and captivating. We are led to believe if we don't experience bondage, we miss out. Many of us stand in opposition. However, bondage isn't just in theaters or the novels stashed in nightstands, it is everywhere.


We entertain bondage every day. At the core of bondage is sin and living in slavery to what we have been rescued from. Yet we continually entertain the thought of it. The Israelites were no different (Exodus 12-17). They lived as slaves in a foreign land where they were mistreated and life was difficult. Then one day, God in His great mercy called Moses to lead them out of Egypt for the promise of a better life in a new land. They left in the middle of the night with only the possessions they could carry. Life became difficult on their journey to the new land. In their desperation, they longed for Egypt. They actually desired to go back to the very life they were rescued from. Don’t misunderstand, the Israelites didn’t long for the slavery, they longed for the comfortable life Egypt provided. There was just one small problem. The comfortable life and slavery came hand in hand. They couldn’t have one without the other. It was a package deal.


 


It is difficult to grasp why anyone would entertain comfort when it is attached to slavery. Yet we do the very same thing. We cry out for Egypt when life gets hard. Loneliness sets in and we yearn for the social circles we ran in, but an ungodly influence can infiltrate. Marriage seems unbearable and we dream about the attention we used to receive, but adultery can dig in its ugly claws. Stress kicks in and we hunger for what took the edge off, but an addiction can become our master.


 


We will never experience the true freedom Christ offers when we entertain the comforts of Egypt. The comforts, no matter how small or insignificant, hinder and cripple us from proceeding forward. Let’s remember Egypt but not return to it. Egypt will provide comforts, but slavery and bondage will be its theme. It’s a package deal.


 


“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1


 


Irene Sposato

check out her site for more info including a link to a radio interview -


http://chrisirenegd.wix.com/emotional-purity

 


My first couple of rodeos - 27 lessons I hoped I had taught

In my earlier post about graduation, I explained how I could anticipate the pain of a child leaving home.  I've done it twice already --- this ain't my first rodeo. 


That got me to thinking about what it felt like those first two times.  Some of the same feelings.  Some different. 

Thought I'd share about those...


Both my first two are girls.  I didn't realize the difference that made until I observed the difference in Paul's response to our son's leaving.  There's something about when the departing child is the same gender.  The anticipatory feelings of loss are the same...but the anxiety about their preparation is a bit different.  When a daughter leaves, the Mom feels responsible for her readiness to face the world.  Apparently, it's the same for sons and Dads.


So when each of my girls left, I felt a sense of panic, actually.  Were they equipped to be women?  Had I trained them adequately? Would they make wise choices?  And if they made wrong ones, could they rebound successfully? And, since I had been primarily responsible for their academic education, I can promise you I fretted about that, too.

I was so fortunate to have somewhere gotten the idea of training them to be able to run the house by the time they turned 12.  (Taken from Luke 2:39-52 where Jesus is left at the Temple and is able to survive without His parents).  So they knew some basics.  But did they know enough to thrive?  I knew they could navigate social media but did they know their way around the social challenges they would face?  Sure, they could balance their checkbooks but would they be able to balance the desires of their eyes and the disciplines of their heart?


I just plain did not know.


And, I promise you, I knew I would feel responsible if they failed.


Thank God (and the prayers of grandmothers) they not only did not fail, they have grown into the loveliest and most successful women anyone ever could.  I pinch myself to be sure I'm not dreaming they are mine.  And I ponder long on the abundant grace of God that took my meager attempts and their fabulous cooperation and did such an amazing job.  Wow.


What things did I want to be sure are imparted to my girls? What lessons did I worry had gone untaught?
  Here they go, in no particular order...


1.  Don't compare yourself to others.  Somebody is always going to seem prettier, more accomplished, better at whatever.  Learn to rejoice for them and to focus on your own strengths.
2.  That said, iron sharpens iron.  Put yourself around others that challenge you to grow and improve and consider new things.  Don't be so insecure that you think you have to look as though you're always the best.
3.  Have a "go to " meal that you can whip out without stress.  You'll need to feed your friends or a fella or a needy neighbor from time to time and you need to be able to do so easily.  For me, that's chicken & dumplings and chocolate chip pie.
4.  Laundry.  Wash reds separately (no matter how small the load) and be able to iron acceptably.  A good crease in a man's pair of pants will come in handy, I promise.
5.  Confidence is great.  I want you to have it.  But don't be sassy.  It won't serve you well.  I promise.
6.  Kindness is always appropriate.  Even to the mean girls and the cocky boys.  Be kind.  You don't have to kiss their feet (in fact, DO NOT do that) but don't be rude.  Just be kind. Or at least quiet!  You won't regret it.
7.  Be on time.  Seriously. Not that there won't be inevitable times of unanticipated delays or detours.  I mean consistently not being on time isn't an endearing or overlookable quirk to be characterized by lateness -it's a character flaw, a narcissistic matter of the heart.  You disrespect others when you are habitually late.  And you discredit yourself.
8.  Don't call boys.  I know that sounds old-fashioned and I can accept some times there would be an exception to that rule.  But make it your standard not to call (or text) boys.  Trust me, if they are interested, they WILL contact you.  If they are not, you don't want to disrespect yourself by contacting them first.  Trust me on this one.  Trust me.
9. I know you know how to clean a bathroom.  So employ that skill on yours on a regular basis.
10.  Be discreet about feminine products and body functions.  That is all I have to say on that.
11.  Don't smack.
12.  Treat all authority with respect.  Actually, treat every living person, creature, and thing with respect.  That means you acknowledge their value and you demonstrate appreciation for that.  Don't trash your surroundings or other people.  Respect.
13.  Don't post pictures of yourself all the time.  Maybe about 1/10 of the times you want to.  Or less.
14.  Ask others about their day, their interests, their hearts. Don't make the mistake of thinking your issues and thoughts are so engaging that others will want to hear about them.  Let others do the talking.  Don't fret when they don't reciprocate - that's what I am for! I really DO want to hear about you!!
15.  Remember that you know which fork to use when, how to make a proper introduction, and to take a hostess gift for weekends at your friend's home.  Remember.
16.  Write thank you notes.  For birthday gifts, for letters of recommendation, for another's investment in your life.  Thank people regularly.
17.  A boyfriend is not a necessary ingredient for your happiness.  You alone determine your joy.
18.  Dress appropriately.  You know what that is.  If you have a question, call me.  Your clothes should acknowledge that you are a woman but prove that you are a lady.  You get the picture.
19.  Spend less than you make.  You know all the Dave Ramsey stuff - adhere to it.  And if you make a money mistake, correction is better sooner than later.
20.  Be able to change a tire and know when to get your oil checked.  Dad isn't always nearby.  (At least know when a tire needs to be changed and where your spare is - sometimes those guy friends really like to be needed!)
21.  Invest yourself in some younger women.  On a regular basis.  They need the affirmation and you need the opportunity to serve. 
22.  Fight jealousy like the plague.  It is toxic and it will destroy your relationships and your own heart.  The antidote to jealousy is to purposefully celebrate the successes of others.  Counterintuitive but completely true.
23.  Don't be critical.  You don't have to pretend all is fine if it's not but you can be truthful without being critical.  It is damaging to others and most importantly, criticism poisons the well of the critic.  Don't be critical.
24.  Don't gossip. 
25.  Don't run low on fuel, on cash, or on sleep.  Always keep enough in reserve to see you through.
26.  Diligently develop discretion and discernment in all areas of your life.  Just do it.


27.  Remember that no matter where you go or what you grow up to be, you are always my girl.  I will always be your greatest advocate, your strongest supporter, and your incessant intercessor.  And I love it when you call.