Losing a pet

There was an accident and my baby's fur-baby was gone.  I had dreaded this day for 4 1/2 years. "Feared" is probably a better description. I knew full well that kitties don't last forever and this day would inevitably arrive at some point.  I had never seen a child love an animal like this.  Ever.  And the thought of her being separated from that relationship was unbearable.

I was the one who found Ninja.  Although it was inexplicably painful to see, I was overcome with relief that it was I and not my baby.  Telling her would be impossible enough but thinking that she so easily could have been the first one on the scene was deplorable.  In the midst of my grief, I felt a measure of thanks.


I stalled for several minutes.  What in the world would I say?  How does one break the news that a best friend is gone? I found my own mom and poured out my heart.  She was pale with grief herself.  Anyone that knows Betsy knows of her bond with this feline.  To call their relationship unique doesn't even do it justice.


Maybe it's the "last child" syndrome - with all the other siblings grown and gone, the baby attached so deeply to this ball of fur that so lavishly reciprocated her love. Whatever it was, Betsy loved this kitty with abandon.


And I had to tell her he was gone.


I climbed the stairs slowly.  Praying on every step.  She was in her room studying, blissfully unaware that I was about to upend her world.


There was no easy way to break the news.  So I just told her.


And we both fell apart.


We cried in each other's arms for a long time.
It helped to meander through treasured memories.  Like the birthday parties she threw him every year.  Complete with games and guests and cat cakes, made from the finest cat food we could find.  And his patience while my grandchildren learned how to "be easy with the kitty". And the times she dressed him up in doll clothes.  We noted that it was clear he was embarrassed by that!  But he endured it all for her.


We looked at picture albums, dedicated solely to Ninja Spy.  And I cherished in my heart the times I violated house rules and family allergies and let her bring him to her room.  The image of the two of them on her window seat is indelibly printed on my memory film.  I am thankful.


Her daddy came home from work in the middle of the day.  He choked telling her about losing Mutt when he was her age.  He promised a proper burial and a grave marker when she was ready.


We cried some more.  And eventually we were able to laugh about the times he would dart in a partially open screen door and race straight to her room before we tracked him down and returned him to the great outside.  And about the most unusual relationship he had with Shadow.  No dog-cat fight here.  They absolutely adored one another and enjoyed quite a symbiosis when it came to ridding our yard of squirrels.  So much so that we all learned to watch our step as we opened the kitchen door - too many times we inadvertently stumbled on their "trophies" sitting on the floor mat, awaiting our applause.


Her siblings sent flowers.  That very day.  Just when you wonder if you've failed as a parent, you see the brother and the sisters rally together to support baby sister and you know a measure of success.  You've had the greatest siblings in the history of the universe grow up under your roof.  Thankful.


Texts.  Calls.  Deliveries of candy and a visit from a treasured friend.  An understanding youth group leader from church brought a plant. Cards.  Prayers.  Thankful.


Y'all, this is a big deal.  For real.  I don't consider myself an inordinately avid animal lover but this kitty was different.  We all loved him.


And mainly we all love Betsy.  Anything that causes her pain, wrenches the lifeblood from each of our hearts.


I know we will survive.  I know this is not the end of the world and for some readers, this may seem like pathetic hyperbole.
But you must not have known Ninja and you must not love Betsy like we do.


And if it offends you that I assured Betsy that I find no Biblical violation to my belief that our precious Ninja is now curled up on the end of my Daddy's recliner in Glory, well, then I feel sorry for you.  Because I am convinced that the two of them are having a last laugh at your expense!


The healing begins.  She told me she could  never ever ever replace Ninja Spy.
But that there might be a kitty out there somewhere that needed a home to love. We shall find him.
I know he will love my Betsy.
And I hope he doesn't mind dress up clothes and a dog named Shadow.

Who do you hang with?

He who walks with wise men will be wise but the companion of fools will suffer harm.  Proverbs 13:20

I know we are called to be a light to this dark world but in order to maintain our brightness we would do well to heed the counsel of this verse.  Walking with wise men – that doesn’t mean we never sit by a fool at our kid’s soccer game!  (Considering the behavior of most parents at kids’ sports events…we would likely be in solitary confinement if that’s what this verse intended!) Rather I believe it is calling us to choose carefully who we “do life with”.  Who are our close companions, whose company do we prefer, which people are the ones we rely on and turn to in times of need.  It is of vital importance who those people are, that they be wise, or at least learning to be wise.  Because hanging out with fools brings destruction – the phrase “will suffer harm” means to become evil, to be made worse, suddenly.

May God protect us from wanting to be with those who don’t fear the Lord.  Of course we should pray for them, share Christ with them, and show them love but there is inevitable inherent danger when we choose these kinds of folks to be our close friends. We can tell ourselves as many times as we want to that we are going to influence them for good, that we won’t wind up like them, that these folks are more fun than other options.  But mark my word – actually mark HIS Word, we will suffer harm.  And it will come without warning.

I used to work for Truett Cathy at the corporate offices of Chick-fil-A and one of my many perks was to hear his homespun wisdom on a regular basis.  My most favorite of his saying was “You’ll be the same person a year from now as you are today except for the books you read and the people you associate yourself with.  Friends will determine the quality and direction of your life.  Choose wisely.”

Amen, Truett, Amen.

As we continue in our journey to walk wise, and put our puzzle together to the Glory of God, are there some companions we need to back away from in order to avoid suffering harm? Ask God to reveal His desires for us.

Oh, and let’s also pray fervently that we will be wise companions in the lives of those around us!

 

How to walk wisely?

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments; His praise endures forever.  Psalm 111:10

Last week we talked about walking wisely.  And putting the puzzle pieces together so that our lives are not foolish or wasted. Today’s reading is the place we must begin in order to do just that.  In order to be wise, we must first fear the Lord. 

So what does it mean to fear the Lord?  Doesn’t the Bible tell me not to fear?  This is confusing!

Some commentators say this means we are to respect the Lord.  Others say we should be afraid because of His power.  I am not a Hebrew scholar but I think that it’s helpful to examine the word the psalmist used when the Holy Spirit inspired him to pen these words.  The Hebrew word that we translate “fear” is “yirah” and it means abject terror, fear, awe, reverence.  Perhaps that doesn’t help you much J but let’s unpack it together.

If you and I recognize God as omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent, then the way we live is bound to be affected.  It causes us to respond in awe to His majesty in creation.  To bow in humility and repentance that He knows our every thought. To rejoice in His presence that we are always loved and accepted.  And to long to never displease Him because He is worthy of our devotion and affection and obedience.

That’s how we begin our wise walk.  And that “understanding what the will of God is” that we read about yesterday, the “putting together of the puzzle pieces”?  Well, He tells us in his verse about that, too.  That understanding – that “knowing which pieces go where” – hinges on obeying His commands. 

Today let’s pray this verse back to Him.  Ask Him to show you His glory so you can worship Him.  Ask Him to shine His light into your heart and reveal where you are falling short of what He desires for you.  (Don’t fear doing this – He is gentle and loving in His correction.  He will not show us everything at once for we could not bear it.  But when we confess and repent of whatever He shows us, He is faithful to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, even that which we are not aware of !  I John 1:9,10) Then let His praises endure forever in your heart.  Rejoice that He loves you faithfully and ask Him to show you specific things to obey.

 

 

Dealing with Panic Attacks - part 2

I had alot of good feedback from the two earlier posts about panic attacks.  Thank you.  So very much.  I am grateful for your input and your encouragement.  And I'm glad to know this is indeed a relevant subject.
If you missed the earlier posts, scroll down and read them -- both are foundational for this one and the next because I will pick up where they left off but I won't recap them here.


Based on my research and interviews, I have some suggestions for what to do when panic strikes, some tips for the "real time" of a panic attack. One authority described a panic attack as "a comprehensive emotional nightmare".  Agreed.  But it's not only emotional.  It's also when your heart pounds and you can't breathe. You might experience dizziness or an inability to catch your breath.  Or symptoms that mimic a heart attack, chest pains, a heaviness in the chest.  Chills, tingling in the hands or feet, sweaty palms, flushed face, twitching muscles, trembling all over.  "Comprehensive" is quite accurate.  You are controlled by there feelings and that is helpless.





1.  The first thing I would share is that courage is not the absence of fear. You do not have to "feel brave" in order to gain victory over feelings of panic and fear.  Courage is rather doing the right thing in spite of how you feel.  So speak that truth to your heart now, when you are  not in the midst of paralyzing panic, and commit to reminding yourself of that truth when you feel suffocated by alarming anxiety.




2.  Because I confidently believe that God's Word is not only Truth but it is also powerful, the next thing I have to offer is what Scripture says in Proverbs 3:25,26


Do not be afraid of sudden terror
    or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes,
 for the Lord will be your confidence
    and will keep your foot from being caught




"Sudden terror" is describing a panic attack.  There are other passages such as Psalm 55:4,5  which recount the symptoms
My heart is in anguish within me;
    the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
⁵ Fear and trembling come upon me,
    and horror overwhelms me
and the next verses illustrate exactly what one longs to do in the midst of such fear:


I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
    I would fly away and be at rest;
⁷ yes, I would wander far away;
    I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah
⁸ I would hurry to find a shelter    from the raging wind and tempest.”


There is a desperate desire to flee but that won't solve the problem.  Instead, rehearse these steps ahead of time, when you don't feel the raging wind and tempest, a time when the fear is not controlling your thoughts and body. And know that you do not have to fear the fear.  You do not have to be afraid of the panic.


3.  Here are the steps:
  - Admit that, although embarrassing and uncomfortable, panic attacks will not kill you and no single attack will last forever.  All you have to do is endure some difficult moments - you will not die.  And in a relatively short period of time, normalcy will return.
  - Anticipate places of "trigger" and rehearse exactly what you will do when you step into that situation. 
  - Acknowledge the attack for what it is - do not fight it but rather name it and then accept what is happening  It is uncomfortable and undesirable but it is not mysterious.
  -Advance - do not isolate yourself or "flee" thinking you should just "deal with it" until it passes.  Instead, proceed with whatever you are involved in as normally as possible.

 - Alternative attention - distract yourself by talking with whomever is around you (one woman said she chatted intensely with her children about other subjects so she could force her mind to focus elsewhere; another person said she used humor to distract herself)

  -Address the physiological symptoms - when your heart is racing and you feel like you cannot breathe, you most likely feel helpless to control what is happening.  But you are not!  Every single physician and counselor that I consulted assured me (insisted!) that we have amazing abilities to effect changes in our heart rate, blood pressure, and respiratory activity by mental disciplines.  Perhaps it sounds cliché, but "mind over matter" is real.  One phrase that was used repetitively was "redirect the circuit" to regain physiological equilibrium.  Things such as breathing deeply and slowly, even breathing into a paper bag, can signal your body to relax and free itself from the panic.


4.  The main thing to do is to commit to these steps, rehearse them, and accept that these tips will work.  Don't let yourself dismiss them or consider yourself an exception.  No one is "so special" that they are exempt from the reality that success is possible.


5.  While "mind over matter" is the key to handling a panic attack, there is much more to address in preventing future ones.  That will be another post.

Sometimes it's time to pause

The world got a lot more beautiful on December 5. Lucy Elizabeth Alligood made her debut. She is as perfect as her big brother and big sister and, like her siblings , she makes me want to be a better person , to do my part to bring good to the world around me, and to help her follow Christ with her whole heart

I'll get back to writing posts soon but for now I will just enjoy the blessing that God has sent to our family. Welcome baby girl. We are so glad you were born !