Couple of parenting tips

I recently had the opportunity to speak with a group of Moms in the early stages of parenting. I had a really good time with these young women and, if they are any indication of who’s raising this next generation, things are gonna be just fine!

Here are the three main topics we discussed:

1. Parenting is more about what God wants to do in the parent than for the child. The scariest verse in all the Bible is found in Luke 6:40 - a student is not above his teacher but a student, when fully trained, will be like his teacher. That being the case, we must prioritize ourselves becoming like Jesus. Seeking to be transformed by the power of His Word will prove to be one of the most significant things we can do in parenting.

2. The second most significant thing we can do is to pray. All the time. Effective righteous prayer. Luke 18 tells us And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. and then Ephesians 6:17, 18 tells us how - combining prayer with the Word of God:  and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints Asking God to do what He says in His Word is praying in accord with His will - and He tells us He will answer yes when we ask Him according to His will. Practically, we can pour out our hearts to Him, asking Him to do whatever it is that we are seeking but then yielding to His loving and divine sovereignty as Henry Blackaby puts it “here’s what I am asking for, Lord, but if You have something better in mind, just cancel my request”. Proclaiming His word for our children is effective prayer that “avails much”, as James puts it in James 5:16. Praying. Instead of fretting. All the time.

3. One last “tip” - sometimes I hear parents feeling exasperated that the Bible doesn’t give us much instruction on parenting. Think again. What are children? They are little people! So all the instruction God gives us on how to treat people is what we use for parenting! How to discipline? Galatians 6:1 (Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.) What about when kids squabble? Matthew 5:23,24 (if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,  leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.) and try to work it out among the offended/offender first (Matthew 18:15-17 - If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.  But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector )

   Lots more instructions from Scripture that we can apply to our little people. AKA parenting!

I’d love to hear parenting tips from you!

When you fall....

In a recent conversation with a close friend, we were grieving over several families dear to us that have been in or are still in painful situations.  Most of these involved things with their children but others were marital or individual issues.  As we teared up over their various heartaches, we marveled at how every one of these friends is hanging in there.  Despite mistakes and failures, they haven't given up.




This verse came to mind -
for the righteous falls seven times and rises again,
    but the wicked stumble in times of calamity
Proverbs 24:16



My friend grinned and said "you oughta do a post on that".  I think she's right.


How are folks  able to not only "survive" but in most cases "thrive" in the midst of wayward children, financial downturns, marital crises, parental rejection, even substance abuse? Especially if there's some fault of their own that made at least some of the mess???? 
To me, that's the most painful part - feeling like I own the blame of a mess, even just part of it.  There's something actually noble about bearing up well under problems that happen "to us" ...but when we know deep down inside that this "calamity" is (at least in part)  "by us", well, it's hard to bear. 


This verse tells us that the righteous man falls seven times - I can certainly identify with that!  Probably more the "seventy times seven"!  Boy, can I relate to the falling.  I have days weeks months where I feel, at best misunderstood, at worst, like I have offended every person in my path.  I don't know how you react when you "fall" but I often hear the whisper of temptation to "give up".  To just quit trying, because obviously, I can't get it right! 


What does the righteous woman do, though?  Yes, she falls, but she gets back up.


When calamity (aka - problems and failures) knocks us down, we have two options.
  One is to stay in the stumble.


The other is to get back up and try again.


What does that look like?


Here's some thoughts for today -
1.  Admit you fell. 
If calamity knocks you down, you can't get up unless you realize you fell in the first place. 
2.  Accept the responsibility that belongs to you.
While we're not responsible for everything that happens, we need to own our own falling. No blaming others.
3. Figure out what tripped you up.
If #2 wasn't humbling enough, this should help!!! 
Don't wallow in the failure with a pity party and don't figure all problems since the dawn of time are attributable to you - ask for input and insight and stick to the Truth.
4.  Purpose to try anew - "rise again".  Ask God what a "new try" looks like and then do it.
This verse tells us that the righteous and the wicked both fall....but the only mention of getting up belongs to the righteous.


I don't know what your "calamity" looks like today.  But my prayer is that you'll rise again.  Please don't quit.  Take a breather for a minute if you need replenishing, but please don't quit.  Don't give up on that child or that spouse or that friend...or yourself. 

What does it mean to wait on God

I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1

The word “wait” evokes in my mind an image of twiddling my thumbs, and I don’t think I have a personal image of what adding “patiently” to that word would look like! “Waiting patiently” sounds like wasting valuable time to my task-oriented, planful & prepared, efficiency minded soul! I was not born with a patient bone in my body - so do I get a pass on applying this verse?

We all know the answer to that one, don’t we? No pass. But what I can offer is that maybe “ I think that word does not mean what you think it means”, to borrow a phrase from one of my favorite movies, Princess Bride. And maybe the meaning of the word can help in our application.

“Wait patiently” is neither idle nor wasteful - it is the Hebrew word “quavah” and it means to bind together (by twisting), to collect together, to be joined, to hope, to be confident and enduring. As opposed to the meaning of the English word “wait” - to delay action until something happens”. Wow this must hold some different than twiddling thumbs!

Turns out the meaning of the word can help us apply this to our lives. And the text gives us insight into how to do that. Let’s unpack it and see…

This psalm is written by King David during the time that he was waiting (as in the English definition of the word!) for God’s promise of his kingship over all of Israel to be fulfilled. If you know Old Testament history, you know it was quite the rocky road! After being anointed as God’s choice to lead Israel, David had to endure isolation and attacks on his life and rejection in his time of waiting. Many of the psalms he wrote were birthed out of the lessons learned during this time. Psalm 40, for example.

The psalm opens with the declaration that he “waited patiently” on the Lord but what that means (as we already gleaned) is not passive nor inactive. Instead, it an immersion into the character of God, a clinging to what he knows to be true about his Lord. As his heart overflows onto the parchment, we are mentored in the practical lessons of waiting on God. We learn that it is binding together by entangling ourselves in the arms of the Almighty. And it looks like this:

Right at the start, David wants us to be assured that God did indeed answer and rescue him, that his waiting was not in vain (and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay - pretty desperate situation, I’d say! - and He set my feet upon a rock, making my footsteps firm- verses 1,2) I love that at the onset David encourages the reader that God brings victory!

Next, he points us to the fact that God is always up to more than meets the eye! He is, as John Piper loves to say, at work in a thousand different ways, in every situation. While we may be concerned with the outcome for us, God has a bigger purpose in mind: displaying His glory to those around us and bringing not only us but also others to the knowledge of Him and giving Him praise. (v3 - And He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.) A helpful reminder that God doesn’t waste anything that happens to us…and that it’s not “all about us”.

Then, David helps us understand more about what this “quavah” looks like when it is manifested in our lives. It means that we don’t look to the wrong sources for help (v. 4 - How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust and has not turned to the proud nor to those who lapse into falsehood) This is, in essence, acknowledging our tendency to get things a-movin’ when we feel like God is not making something happen fast enough. We can act in arrogance in thinking we can control the outcome and attain whatever it is we think will make our souls complete. And we can act in error by relying on what seems to be true but is not. We would do well to heed David’s caution! Acting on what seems right to us can end in disaster and verse 4 wastes no time in calling out such action.

Instead, the psalmist encourages, we will be better served by focusing on the beauty and power and faithful love of our Heavenly Father. Verses 5 and 11 help us direct our attention in the right and beneficial direction - Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done, and Your thoughts toward us, there is none to compare with You; if I would declare and speak of them, they would be too numerous to count and You, o Lord will not withhold Your compassion from me, Your loving-kindness and Your truth will continually preserve me. Oh what comfort and joy are ours when our minds are set on the faithfulness, the power, and the love of God towards us! Regardless of the circumstances we are in, when our eyes are turned towards His character, our hearts are filled with peace.

The psalm then declares that what God desires in HIs people is not outward expressions of religiousity (“sacrifices and meal offerings”) but rather a heart that is inclined towards His pleasure (“I delight to do Your will”). A heart which overflows in proclaiming the goodness of God - verse 10 I have not hidden Thy righteousness within my heart, I have spoken of Thy faithfulness and Thy salvation; I have not concealed Thy lovingkindness and Thy truth from the great congregation.

The psalm ends by circling back to his expectation that, as God has done in the past, he needs Him to rescue him again. He affirms that his trust is in God and only in Him, regardless of the difficulty of the situation and the derision of those around him. (verses 12-15) And his final thought is one of confident humility - v. 17 Since I am afflicted and needy, let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay o my God.

When you find yourself in need of rescue from a painful situation, in times that tempt us to be anxious or fearful, remember to WAIT. Not as in delaying action until something happens but as in QUAVAH - binding yourself to the Lord. Twisting up into the perspective that He is not wasting this situation, and into the knowledge of His faithfulness in the past, His power sufficient for today, and His persistent and unending love towards you. Let that focus cause your heart to delight in Him and look with expectation to His heart for blessing.