It's not your fault...but you can fix it

Are you in conflict with someone right now?


Maybe it's your teenager.  Or your co-worker.  Somebody at church or in the neighborhood.


Maybe it's your spouse.


Ask yourself some questions about that...


What bothers you about that person?
What is the source of the angst between you?
What would you like to change about this relationship/that person?
Do you think things can get better?


This isn't a post about changing the other person to make this better.
And it's not a post about changing yourself.


This is a post about the problem.

I continually surprise myself at how easily I get distracted from the real problem.  How quickly I can slip into thinking that my relational concerns are the rooted in someone's quirks or issues or even their sin...or my own.


Those are not the root but rather the leaves and branches of the conflict.


Ephesians 6:12 spells out the problem clearly - For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.


The root of the conflict between you and your child, you and your neighbor, you and your spouse is not the other person.  And it's not you.  It's not any person - it's spiritual.


The spiritual forces of evil that wage war in the heavenly places against the saints.
It's not a sci-fi movie - it's real.


The unseen powers of wickedness that temporarily rule over this world are the cause for the problems in your relationship.  The source for the conflicts that torment us.  That's the enemy.  That's who we need to battle...not the other person.


How easily we are deceived into blaming someone for the tension, the separation, the pain that exists in our relationships.  We battle the pride and selfishness and anger and greed of our friend, our child, our spouse...and ourselves.


And we keep losing.
The conflict persists.  Intensifies.  Breaks us apart.


Because we're fighting the wrong combatant!


We don't have to lose this war.  We don't have to experience the casualties of conflict. But we do have to fight. 


The right hostile forces.
With the right weapons.


For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.
2 Corinthians 10:4

Spiritual forces cannot be defeated with fleshly weapons.
Arguing, pleading, manipulating, even counseling are insufficient (sometimes even more destructive) in our struggle against them.
We need divine power.


The weapons God has divinely equipped us with are found in Ephesians 6. Verses 17, 18 - the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 


Two weapons.  Divinely powered to destroy the real enemy in our relationships.
Prayer and God's Word.


No substitutes will effect the change we want, the peace we desire, the blessings we seek.


Take a moment.  Ponder that relationship that is in such strife. 
It's not their fault.  Or yours.
But you can fix it.


Pray.
Pray God's Word over the problem.  Into the conflict.  Unto victory.


(Suggested resources - Stormie Omartian's books - The Power of  a Praying Woman, The Power of a Praying Wife, The Power of a Praying Parent ; Beth Moore's Praying God's Word )














Being perfect - even just one thing

You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48


Most of us would just as soon slide right over this command, wouldn't we?  At the very least, we want to interpret it in a way that cuts us at least a bit of slack. 

What does it mean - being perfect like God???





I don't know.


But let's unpack it together and see if we can gain some insight into what Jesus is saying.


Here are my thoughts....


1.  Jesus is speaking; the disciple Mathew is transcribing.
2.  The word used for "perfect"  in the original Greek text is "teleio".  It means perfect, complete.  It is not used when describing sinlessness - that word is "anamartetos".
3.  Although Jesus is not calling for perfection in the sense of no sin, He does set the standard "as your Heavenly Father is perfect".
4,  What does the "therefore" refer to?  Context, as always, is key.  So let's look at the verses preceding this command to be perfect....


In verses 17-20 Jesus astonishes His listeners by throwing out their standard for religious perfection - the behavior of the Scribes and Pharisees.  He says that such righteousness is not enough to gain entrance into God's Kingdom.  Instead, He says, one must have righteousness that surpasses it.

Verses 21-47 set up a comparison of what that day's religious leaders proclaimed ("You have heard...") and what God requires ("But I say...")



21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. 26 Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.33 “Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ 34 But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42 Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?


Anger, retaliation, insults, adultery, marriage, integrity, restitution, how to treat enemies...Jesus sets the bar high - our standard is HIM.


He goes after our hearts, rather than our behavior.  He displays the perfection of loving God and loving others in His own life, fulfilling perfectly every command of God's Law.


And He expects us to do the same.


How in the world can we do that?


Only by His life in us living out through us.
That's the only way.


When we pursue Christ, He will fulfill His law of love through us.


It's not mystical nor does it require nothing of us.  We must cooperate with His grace that He makes available to work in us and through us.  We must obey - by His power - what He shows us to do.


But make no mistake about it - He desires perfection in us, just  as our Heavenly Father is perfect.


Suggestion - ask Him today to help us obey vs 47.  Just look for opportunities to speak to more than just our friends.  My original intent for today's post was just that verse but I couldn't write about that without the context of the whole message.  So, in our pursuit of perfection today -- of the goal of being like our Heavenly Father -- let's try this one thing.  When we are at Publix or the soccer field or at church today, let's make a point to greet and visit with and love on more than just our inner circle.


It might just make a really big difference in someone else's life.


It will definitely expand our hearts.


And I know our Heavenly Father will be pleased.





Couple of parenting tips

I recently had the opportunity to speak with a group of Moms in the early stages of parenting. I had a really good time with these young women and, if they are any indication of who’s raising this next generation, things are gonna be just fine!

Here are the three main topics we discussed:

  1. Parenting is more about what God wants to do in the parent than for the child. The scariest verse in all the Bible is found in Luke 6:40 - a student is not above his teacher but a student, when fully trained, will be like his teacher. That being the case, we must prioritize ourselves becoming like Jesus. Seeking to be transformed by the power of His Word will prove to be one of the most significant things we can do in parenting.

  2. The second most significant thing we can do is to pray. All the time. Effective righteous prayer. Luke 18 tells us And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. and then Ephesians 6:17, 18 tells us how - combining prayer with the Word of God:  and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints Asking God to do what He says in His Word is praying in accord with His will - and He tells us He will answer yes when we ask Him according to His will. Practically, we can pour out our hearts to Him, asking Him to do whatever it is that we are seeking but then yielding to His loving and divine sovereignty as Henry Blackaby puts it “here’s what I am asking for, Lord, but if You have something better in mind, just cancel my request”. Proclaiming His word for our children is effective prayer that “avails much”, as James puts it in James 5:16. Praying. Instead of fretting. All the time.

  3. One last “tip” - sometimes I hear parents feeling exasperated that the Bible doesn’t give us much instruction on parenting. Think again. What are children? They are little people! So all the instruction God gives us on how to treat people is what we use for parenting! How to discipline? Galatians 6:1 (Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.) What about when kids squabble? Matthew 5:23,24 (if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,  leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.) and try to work it out among the offended/offender first (Matthew 18:15-17 - If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.  But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector )

    Lots more instructions from Scripture that we can apply to our little people. AKA parenting!

I’d love to hear parenting tips from you!