Today's guest post is from a treasured friend of mine, a woman whom I saw walk through years of infertility. Years filled with hope and disappointment, years of pain and promise, years where she could have turned bitter but she didn't. This woman graciously agreed to share her story for God's glory. I wish you could sit across the table from her and share a cup of coffee. She is so dear to me, and to many others. She's my hero. Here's her story......
Several weeks ago, my sweet friend asked me to write a blog about my struggle with infertility. Honestly, this has been challenging for me and it’s probably not for reasons you may think. I am happy to share my story with others when Jesus leads me to share. My struggle is that I simply can’t remember all the details. God has truly erased so much of the details from my memory. Perhaps it’s the exact thing that happens with women who forget the pains associated with childbirth. Here’s what I do feel led to share and my prayer is that my story will reach the hearts of those who are currently struggling with infertility.
When I think back to my “infertility years,” I vaguely remember the countless medical exams, procedures, blood work, shots, ultrasounds, surgeries, etc. At the time, I thought I’d never forget a single detail but in God’s goodness, He lessens those memories more and more every year. Sometimes I think of it as a “graduation present” from Him. He certainly allows seasons of trials in our lives and I believe He rewards us once we are where He wants usJ What will always be part of me is the loss my husband and I went through. We miscarried many, many times. Some babies were farther along than others. Some had heartbeats and I’d get so excited, but could tell from the doctor’s face that the heartbeat wasn’t fast enough or strong enough. Sure enough, I’d miscarry a few days later. I believe God allows those memories to stay with me as a gift….through the strength of Jesus, I am not only able to empathize and sympathize with ladies in similar situations, but I can truly relate to all their emotions as they go through their journey.
God changed me though my infertility years. I learned to be patient and content. I learned that He makes the plans, not me. I learned to seek Him, not medical experts. I learned that He loves to surprise us when we least expect it. I learned that He forgives and keeps after us even when we don’t deserve his mercy or grace. Blogs are intended to be short so I won’t give examples for all of those, but I sure have a list of examples if Suzanne ever wants me to write on one of thoseJ At the time, I was young in my walk with the Lord and you couldn’t have convinced me that God meant my infertility years for good, but He did. He used every second to mold me into a more Christ-like person. I also believe He used every tear, every heartache, and every detail to prepare my heart for how he would grow my family.
God grew our family through adoption twice and through a gestational carrier. There was a time when we thought we may not have children and now we have three. He blessed us with more than we ever thought possible. I know some of you reading this are thinking, “That’s easy for you to say because it all worked out!” Please know this, it didn’t work out….not how WE planned it. God had something bigger, greater than we ever could have imagined. Our family worked out because God’s planned prevailed! Glory to His name! Praise Him for loving us so much that he didn’t allow our plans to work. We are so thankful that God, in His perfect timing, put up roadblocks when needed so that we could not veer from His perfect plans for our lives.
Lastly, I leave you with this. I will never understand the “whys” but what I did learn along the way is that it’s not ok for me to ever question our Heavenly Father. Some things will not be revealed to us this side of heaven. As believers and daughters of the King, we must accept that and not dwell on it. We must accept it knowing that our Heavenly Father only does what is good for us. As hard as it is and as sad as loss can make our hearts, we need to stay strong and find peace knowing that we will meet and get to know our unborn children in Glory. There are days when I can hardly wait!