Today's guest post is from a treasured friend of mine, a woman whom I saw walk through years of infertility. Years filled with hope and disappointment, years of pain and promise, years where she could have turned bitter but she didn't. This woman graciously agreed to share her story for God's glory. I wish you could sit across the table from her and share a cup of coffee. She is so dear to me, and to many others. She's my hero. Here's her story......
Several weeks ago, my sweet friend asked me to write a blog
about my struggle with infertility.
Honestly, this has been challenging for me and it’s probably not for
reasons you may think. I am happy to
share my story with others when Jesus leads me to share. My struggle is that I simply can’t remember
all the details. God has truly erased so
much of the details from my memory.
Perhaps it’s the exact thing that happens with women who forget the
pains associated with childbirth. Here’s
what I do feel led to share and my prayer is that my story will reach the
hearts of those who are currently struggling with infertility.
When I think back to my
“infertility years,” I vaguely remember the countless medical exams,
procedures, blood work, shots, ultrasounds, surgeries, etc. At the time, I thought I’d never forget a
single detail but in God’s goodness, He lessens those memories more and more
every year. Sometimes I think of it as a
“graduation present” from Him. He
certainly allows seasons of trials in our lives and I believe He rewards us
once we are where He wants usJ What will always be part of me is the loss my
husband and I went through. We
miscarried many, many times. Some babies
were farther along than others. Some had
heartbeats and I’d get so excited, but could tell from the doctor’s face that
the heartbeat wasn’t fast enough or strong enough. Sure enough, I’d miscarry a few days
later. I believe God allows those
memories to stay with me as a gift….through the strength of Jesus, I am not only
able to empathize and sympathize with ladies in similar situations, but I can
truly relate to all their emotions as they go through their journey.
God changed me though my
infertility years. I learned to be
patient and content. I learned that He makes
the plans, not me. I learned to seek
Him, not medical experts. I learned that
He loves to surprise us when we least expect it. I learned that He forgives and keeps after us
even when we don’t deserve his mercy or grace.
Blogs are intended to be short so I won’t give examples for all of
those, but I sure have a list of examples if Suzanne ever wants me to write on
one of thoseJ At the time, I was young in my walk with the
Lord and you couldn’t have convinced me that God meant my infertility years for
good, but He did. He used every second
to mold me into a more Christ-like person. I also believe He used every tear,
every heartache, and every detail to prepare my heart for how he would grow my
family.
God grew our family through
adoption twice and through a gestational carrier. There was a time when we thought we may not
have children and now we have three. He
blessed us with more than we ever thought possible. I know some of you reading this are thinking,
“That’s easy for you to say because it all worked out!” Please know this, it
didn’t work out….not how WE planned it.
God had something bigger, greater than we ever could have imagined. Our family worked out because God’s planned
prevailed! Glory to His name! Praise Him for loving us so much that he
didn’t allow our plans to work. We are
so thankful that God, in His perfect timing, put up roadblocks when needed so
that we could not veer from His perfect plans for our lives.
Lastly, I leave you with
this. I will never understand the “whys”
but what I did learn along the way is that it’s not ok for me to ever question
our Heavenly Father. Some things will
not be revealed to us this side of heaven.
As believers and daughters of the King, we must accept that and not
dwell on it. We must accept it knowing
that our Heavenly Father only does what is good for us. As hard as it is and as sad as loss can make
our hearts, we need to stay strong and find peace knowing that we will meet and
get to know our unborn children in Glory.
There are days when I can hardly wait!