A few days ago, I was given the opportunity to share my heart with a group of college gals. Freshmen. Brand new to college life. I jumped at the chance! And I labored for days over what to tell them. Maybe an hour long exegesis of Ecclesiastes? Or a deep dive into the book of John? How bout the Sermon on the Mount, yeah, that’s got great stuff!!
I reined myself back in. Cooled my jets for a bit and thought back to 18 year old me. What was I thinking? Feeling? Worried about? What do I wish I had known in September of 1978? What do I wish I hadn’t had to learn on my own “field trip of experience” but could've learned from a lecture or “the book”?
So I decided to tell them some of that. What I wish my freshman rushee self had known…. Here’s the gist….
Relationships matter
I was pretty lucky to find “my people” early on. Since it is true that “friends determine the quality and direction of your life”, I count it a great blessing to have landed in a friend group that was going the way of blessing, not destruction. Although not every one of these wound up being my BFF, a few of them did and we are still friends to this day. Blessed indeed. So very thankful.
I watched with grief at some folks that wasted a great deal of time following the wrong crowd. And even worse, some whose lives were permanently scarred because of the negative influence of friends.
But what it did take me a while to figure out is how to reach before and after me on life’s timeline. To find people whose brains I could pick, whose counsel I could seek, and whose example I could follow. I missed out for a good while because I was taking peers for coffee, not experienced sages.
And, oh, the incalculable value of those a few steps after me on life’s journey! Towards the middle of my college career, I stumbled into one of the most rewarding things ever - investing myself in the lives of other women. I don’t know what they got out of it but I had a blast! And some of those gals are my friends to this day.
Before we leave “relationships matter”, I want to say that the most valuable earthly relationship in college is that to your parents. Learn what it means to honor them. No matter the state of connection between you currently, learn what it means to honor them. Take the first step by saying thanks.
Adulting matters.
What in the world do I mean by that? That college is certainly fun and all but it is intended to be a transition to adulthood. “Find your passion” sounds great but what you really need at the end of college is a way to support yourself! Sure, discover what you enjoy…in terms of what employment it could provide that you could see yourself doing for a while! It took me a while to figure that one out.
Adulting matters not just in the job arena but also in personal development. Being an adult means you know the right thing to do (or you can figure it out!) but also that you do it! Being able to persevere through difficulty, to “do hard things”, to endure.
And adulting means that you embrace responsibility for your own well being. Not just economically but especially emotionally/mentally. Maturity is the place where you don’t blame others, make excuses, nor expect others to make you happy. You don’t manipulate others with your mood nor consistently rely on someone else for your emotional health. Having a bad day and being cheered up by a friend is one thing….pouting when things don’t line up to suit you and expecting everyone around you to adapt is another. The latter is not “adulting”.
Identity matters.
College is most definitely a time when the message we receive the most is that we are defined by things like what honors we achieve. What our course of study is and/or our GPA. Our family of origin. Or which Greek letters are on our sweatshirt. (Lord, help us!)
What it took me a good while to grasp (and I hope these gals get it sooner than I did!) is that identity is not any of that. Those external things do not have any impact on value or significance or fulfillment. Expecting those things to do what they cannot actually lends itself to insecurity, self-doubt, and an unhealthy level of competition.
Because our identity is not anything external. It’s not even WHO we are. It’s WHOSE we are. And until we learn the joy and peace and delight that knowing we belong to our Creator, we are gonna chase happiness and fulfillment in all the wrong places. Places and things that cannot satisfy.
The wisest man who ever lived came to that conclusion and penned those words for us in Scripture. He searched for joy and satisfaction in wealth and pleasure and knowledge and work. And he finally realized that it is only found in this: The conclusion, when all has been heard is - fear God and keep His commandments because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgment everything which is good or evil. (Ecc. 12:13,14)
Now about that verse by verse study of Ecclesiastes….. :)