Margin

Years ago I read Margin by Richard Swenson.  Highly recommend it.  Here's the concept: 

How readable is this? MYNAMEISSUZANNEIWONDERIFYOUCANREADTHISDOESITTIREYOUOUTSTRESSYOUOUTDOYOUWANTTOGIVEUPISITWORTHTHEEFFORT??

Read this passage.  I'll bet this one is easier. What's the difference?  There are spaces between the words.  Not unnecessary spaces, ones where they need to be in order to make the words discernible and meaningful.  That's margin.

The same is true for our lives.  We need margin.  Time and space.  Physically.  Relationally. |Financially. Emotionally.  Meaningful space.  Instead of cramming everything together to fit it in.  That's too much stuff.

My tip for today is to examine your life, your pace.  Don't tell me you know you are too busy but there's nothing you can do about it -- do you live in a concentration camp, for crying out loud???  (oops, sorry, that was a little harsh but you get the idea - you can do something about it if you want to.)  You do not have to let your children participate in all those activities (kind of redundant, aren't I?)  You do not have to go to every event available.  You do not have to stress yourself physically or financially to create a Pinterest home.  You do not have to! 

You can build margin into your life.  Here are some ways-

1.  Spend less than you make.  All year long.  The peace of mind is worth it.
2.  Get rid of stuff.  Less clutter and stuff creates a calm atmosphere emotionally.
3.  Go to bed earlier (I know some of us stay up way too late and we have all sorts of excuses for it but they are empty.  Lame.  Seriously) so that you can get up earlier so that you won't rush yourself and everyone around you.  When your day starts off like that, it sets the tone for your whole day.
4.  Use that calendar we mentioned earlier in the month and when a day is full - don't make more commitments!!!!
5.  Allow a bit more time than might be necessary for errands, commutes, etc.
6. Make use of any windfall time (see #5) to catch up on correspondence, phone calls, reading, or whatever.
7.  Don't waste time.  It's a valuable commodity.  Make sure you are using it in such a way as to be investing it. 
8.  Whenever something can be done in advance of its "deadline", go ahead and do it.  Such as meal prep, gift buying, cleaning, work-related activities, etc.

There are zillions of ways to build margin into your life.  I'd love to hear how you do it!

Company's coming!

I love having guests in our home.  Especially overnight guests.  So that I can enjoy their time with our family to the fullest, I prepare as much food in advance as possible.  Then I can serve them yummy stuff and still spend maximum time visiting -  I don't want to waste their visit spending all my time in the kitchen!

One of my favorite dishes to serve my guests is Chambers Cheese grits.  These are divine.  I can assemble this dish and stash in the freezer days in advance.  Morning of serving, I pop it in the oven for 30-45 minutes while I cook some bacon, chop up some fruit, and brew a pot of coffee. If I've really been industrious, I might have some of those muffins in the freezer, too, that I told you about a few days ago. 

Cheese Grits

6 cups boiling water
1 1/2 cups grits
4 cups shredded sharp cheese
3 eggs, beaten
 1 1/2 sticks butter
3 tsp seasoned salt
1 tsp garlic salt
1/2 tsp black pepper

Whisk grits into boiling water.  Stir in cheese, beaten eggs, and butter.  Add seasonings and mix well.  Divide grits mixture into 2 greased casseroles. Cover and freeze.  Or bake immediately.  When time to bake, remove from freezer and let "thaw" for a bit if you have time.  Casserole needs to bake about 30-45 minutes.  It's done when it looks "crispy" around the edges.

Early to bed

Today's tip will be dismissed by lots of you.  But I guarantee you that it will work if you will try it.

Go to bed early (at least earlier) so that you can get up earlier the next morning.

  Here's my motto - the best days begin the night before.

  Staying up to finish a  movie or browse Pinterest or "just veg" will cost you tomorrow.  Try this - for 2 weeks, clean your kitchen and go to bed by 10 PM.  Get up 1/2 hour earlier than you are accustomed to and use it productively.  Just put your big girl panties on and do it. 

Even if you're not organized, having an extra half hour at the beginning of your day will increase your ability to get done what needs to be done...and without killing anybody in the process.

Oh, and embrace the fact that the snooze button is your enemy - do NOT use that thing!!

To the Dad at the orthodontist's office

I had to drive around for a few minutes, searching for a parking spot, so I got more than a quick glance of observation.  First I noticed this executive-ly dressed man holding hands with what seemed to be a middle school age girl.  She had on a cute North Face fleece and was obviously chattering away quite happily. Not that it's unheard of for a man to be escorting his daughter in to get brackets tightened but most of the time moms handle most of that stuff.  At least at our house.  So the duo caught my attention.  I circled the block again and noticed more.

She was a special needs gal.  And you, well-suited Dad,  were listening intently, just as happily as she was chattering.  Although you were both walking through the maze of cars, you kept turning your head to look her in the eyes.  That made my eyes water.

You were walking pretty slowly, which I noticed was contrasted to my normal neckbreak speed when I am walking a child into an appointment.  And your pace allowed me to park my car and wind up at the door at the same time you did.  You held the door for us both and somehow your poise and grace made your daughter, my daughter, and me feel significant.  Yours had stopped chatting briefly to smile at us.  I smiled back and told her I liked her owl sweater.  She grinned broadly and thanked me enthusiastically.  We all headed into the office. 

I sat down while my daughter checked herself in.  (She's been accompanying her older siblings to this office since before she was born so she knew the drill from Day 1.  Plus I am a lazy Mom and I make my kids do as much as possible for themselves.)  I managed to scan the magazine in my hands while watching your daughter station herself at the check in post.  You made a move to help her and she affixed her hands to her hips, turned to face you, broke into a broad grin and said "I got this, Dad".  You stepped back and let her look for her name on the screen.  It wasn't there.  You made a move to the desk for help but she beat you to it.  She handled the dilemma with the receptionist pretty much before you could intervene.

I held my breath at her confidence.  And her cheerfulness.

And the dignity with which you treated her.

By now I could not read the magazine in front of me.  And it had nothing to do with needing my reading glasses. 

You followed her to the back, her chatting happily and spreading sunshine to each person in her path.

I reflected.  And remembered suddenly why you looked familiar. Over a decade ago, my older girls played on a ball team you helped my husband coach.  You treated all those girls with the same dignity and grace and kindness I saw you manifest towards your ESP teenager at the orthodontist office.

That goes a long way in explaining the confidence and cheerfulness of your daughter. She is secure in the value she possesses in the eyes of her parents.  Great job, Dad, great job.  You've been doing it well for a long time.

My thoughts spread to my children.  Then to children everywhere.  Then on to all of us.  In some way or another, we each are "special needs".  And the unshakeable knowledge that we are well loved by our Father is what we each need to be cheerful and confident and positively affect those we meet on our path. 

Just like Hallie.

Stop the crazies

Today's survival tip for unorganized folks like me -


Don't over commit, especially to children's activities.

Easier said than done, I realize.  But if you are lucky enough to start (or stop!) early, your kids will already know the deal.  One activity at a time.  Seriously.  Soccer or musical theater or art lessons.  Not all three at once.  If you have multiple kids, one activity per semester is enough for you to handle.  That's already lots of game snacks to sign up for !!!  As they get older, MAYBE two - as in, piano is all year long and you can add basketball for the season.  But don't get suckered in to thinking that you are depriving your child if they are limited to few activities. It will be hard, especially if your friend group is consumed with activity.  Try this approach.  If you need help, enlist hubby or a close friend to help you stick to it.

  It's better for you.  It's better for them.  More focus, less chaos, more family time, less harried Mom.  I still remember the Spring no one did softball or baseball.  It was blissful.  And all my kids have grown up without needing counseling.  At least, when they do go, they don't point to that as the origin of their problems!