Something God says about parenting.....

I'm pretty reluctant to give parenting advice.  For one thing, I'm not done yet!  Even though my primary contributing author role has passed in a couple of my Living Letters, the ink is far from dry on the others. By God's grace, things look pretty good so far, but I'll not ever consider myself a parenting expert.  It's just way too hard and way too complicated for me to glibly pass along many "how to" tidbits for Moms.

But I do have some encouragement to share.  From the one from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  Just take a look at what our Heavenly Father promises to do for us in Exodus 20....


The backdrop is in verse 5, where He warns His people not to worship or serve anyone or anything but Him.  To say that the consequences of such sin is undesirable is a major understatement -- our disobedience predisposes subsequent generations to fall prey to the same thing.  That's what is meant by "visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and on the third and fourth generation."  The verse does not mean that God punishes the children for the sins of the parents!!  If you want further support for that, check out Ezekiel 18:20.  Not what that verse means at all.  The Hebrew word for "visiting" is "paqad" and it means "to review, inspect, number, take a census".  In other words, God's not going to zap your kids on account of your critical spirit, addictive behavior, immorality, selfish ambition,  greed, or obsessive fears  - but if you were to take a spiritual/emotional family history, those same sins would show up through the line, time after time.  God's stating what will result - not what He causes. 

Here's the good news -  but showing lovingkindness, to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.  Exodus 20:6.    The word for "showing" is powerful.  It's so strong.  "Asah".  While verse 5's "visiting" is a passive observing, "asah" is active  - it means to create, to construct, to labor, to accomplish.  WOW!!!  Do you see what God is saying?  He will take our obedience and love, frail as they may be, and He will build into our posterity fortresses of grace and blessing and love and benevolence and favor and honor  - His lovingkindness. 

It's too good to be true!!  Except that it is.  So very like Him.  Above and beyond what we can ask or imagine.  He will take my heart to serve Him (which is only possible to begin with by His grace!) and then, He will build into my children and my grandchildren and my great grandchildren BLESSING.  Favor that they did not earn.  Just cuz I believe and obey...and cuz He's good and generous.

Every parent I know tries to do the best job possible.  I'm sure someone can find an exception somewhere but I don't know any.  Every parent wants their child to be better off than they were.  And they will do everything they know of to make that come true.  Well, now you know how to be sure it happens.  Cooperate with God.  Don't worry so much about what the parenting books tell you to do - just obey God.  Serve Him with your whole heart.  Let Him transform you... and it'll show up in your children.

Now, I know.  You're thinking of some great parents whose kids messed up royally.  Yeah, me, too.  As in all of us -- we have the perfect Heavenly Father....and we still rebel.  To be sure, all of us, including our children, have the freedom to choose our own way.  Sometimes we all do.  But here's what I have to say about that -- first, the story's not over yet.  God's not done.  And, last, I trust His construction.  If He says He is building blessing and grace and honor and favor into their lives because I believe and obey Him, then that's all I need.  I plan to continue to do my part - to love and serve Him.  And I'll trust Him to do His work.

And one day I'll get to look down through history - HIS Story - and see what He has done.  Hallelujah!!!

A litle help, please

I'd like to hear what you want to read about.  Most of the time I just write "stream of consciousness", whatever my heart is beating about at the moment. But I'm sort of stuck in the desert of no ideas so I'd like to know what you readers are interested in - life tips, parenting, faith-walk, friendships, ??? 

Let me hear - either via FB or comment.  Please :)

Thanks, friends!

My Family

It used to be just the two of us. Here we are at the wedding of our oldest, August 12, 2011.  Paul looks exactly the same as he did at OUR wedding September 27, 1986.  I look, well, I look NOT exactly the same.  But, hey, I did bring 4 adorable tax deductions into the world.  And I didn't eat them alive.  Yet......









Then before we knew it, there was a whole bunch more of us.

This was Christmas 2008.  Katie was almost 20, Mary was almost 16, Chip was just 12, Betsy was 6.  Paul and I were, um, tired.







Then Chip convinced Katie to try and even out the male-female ratio.

 Welcome to the family, Jon!

             Katie's wedding 8/12/11





Then GUESS WHAT!!!!!!  Chip was really really serious about increasing the testosterone in our family and so Katie gave us Jonathan Miller Alligood, Jr on June 25, 2012!!!  Woohoo!  More letters to write for Suzie!!  (I don't do "grandmother-ly" names)

 

Not to be outdone by Chip's longing to add males to our brood, Mary and Betsy prayed for another addition.  This time, of the female variety.  Katie gladly complied and on December 25, 2014 (yes, that IS Christmas Day!)

Mary Alice Alligood arrived!!

 

Cutest kids ever.  I know.  They really are.  Wish their Mom and Dad would quit dealing drugs so far away.  People up here need them, too.  Just sayin

 

To the mommies

I watched from a distance in the grocery store aisle. Young Mommy, two littles in tow and one was pitching a fit.  My heart ached for her.  I so wanted to help but figured she didn't need the  intrusion.  She was having a hard time but trying even harder to keep her composure.  I knew the feeling. 

What tugged at my heart the most was the response of other shoppers.  Made me mad is a better description, actually.  The stares that seemed to telegraph disapproval.  The whispers and head shakes.  The lips pressed tightly together in a self-righteous smirk.  I time-travelled back down memory lane to times it had happened to me.  One instance in particular stood out.

Three kids, just moved, parents on overload, trying to get us settled, make friends, and fill up everybody's internal cup.  Not doing so well.  The littlest little was having a meltdown.  Publicly.  Of course!  The big sisters were embarrassed.  So was their mom.  I was trying to appear poised and in control of the situation, all the while trying to figure out what to do.  Whispering things that began calmly but escalated to threats in proportion to the stares and comments. The "advice" that drove me to later shed tears was the "the boy needs a spanking and you should take care of that right now".

  I started to shake.

Maybe she was right.  Maybe what he needed was some strong discipline.  Maybe I had coddled my only boy too much.  Maybe every single thing wrong with him AND his sisters was inextricably tied to my inept parenting. She certainly seemed to know what she was talking about and, in my insecurity, I decided she was right. In fact, those suggestions and more still keep me up at night from time to time.

But that time I saw something different than the more seasoned parent who freely handed out unsolicited advice.  Instead of a defiant kid yelling "no" at his Mom and screaming at the top of his (expansive) lungs, I saw a scared two year old.  A kid that thrives on order and control and security but whose little life had been in upheaval for 3 months while his parents changed jobs and houses and all things familiar.  A little boy who needed an undistracted Mommy that wasn't unpacking boxes and a hardworking Daddy that  could be home during waking hours. And hugs of reassurance.  And time to play instead of to run errands.Although it's true that I couldn't deny the scene before me, my interpretation was different than hers. What was happening right then was insecurity, not  insubordination. 

I wish I could tell you that I had enough confidence in my parenting ability to trust my gut.

I didn't.

And  seeing that Mommy squirm under the deprecating stares of the other shoppers, I remembered that feeling.  I wished that somehow I could infuse confidence and grace and security into her heart.  I hoped she could possess clairvoyance if only for a moment so I could tell her these thoughts.  Trust your gut.  This display of emotion does not have to define your kid. Or your parenting.  There's certainly a place for discipline and correction and I am not saying to give in to your kid.  I am saying, though, to give in to your gut.  Not your cronies.

And the sun stood still

I've had this post on my heart for quite some time but I've been hesitant to share it.  Not because I don't completely believe every word.  Not at all.  But I fear that some extrapolations of it might cause someone to feel condemnation or defeat.  Where there is none.  So, if you've made a different decision than the one urged in this post, please don't think I am judging you or denouncing you.  This post is meant to encourage those still in the fight.  To give hope and strength.  Please know that.

Sometimes marriage doesn't turn out like the fairytales promise.  (Make that "never" instead of "sometimes"...)  Sometimes things get really bad and feelings of desperation set in.  I've seen it happen hundreds of times.  Then feelings of regretted decisions follow.  As in "I never should have married him"  etc.  There may be times where those regrets are legitimate. But don't let the wrong action make it worse. The consequential decisions have critical repercussions and the fallout is forever.  Good and bad.  Forever.

If you're in a marriage that you think never should have happened, and if you are thinking about calling it quits, I ask that you wait.  And read this passage from Joshua 10 -


But first a little background.....

The Israelites were under the leadership of Joshua.  Moses was gone and Joshua was in charge.  He was doing a great job, except for one mistake.  He made a decision without asking God for input. The Israelites sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the Lord.  Then Joshua made a treaty of peace with them to let them live, and the leaders of the assembly ratified it by oath. (Joshua 9:14,15)

Maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal - Joshua making peace with these folks.  In fact, it sounds like a good thing, doesn't it?  Except that God had said not to.  He repeatedly told Joshua to be careful to observe all that He had commanded Moses to do.  And His instructions to Moses included making no covenant with the inhabitants of the land He was giving them (Exodus 23:31-33).
But Joshua was deceived by the group of Gibeonites that came asking for a covenant of peace.  They said they were from far away when in fact, they were inhabitants of the land that God had promised to Israel.  Making a peace treaty with them would be a direct violation of God's command. 

Shouldn't we let Josh off the hook?  I mean, seriously, he was a great leader and this error wasn't his fault.  These Gibeonites lied to him!  Not his fault at all!

Except that it was his fault.  He acted without asking God what to do.  Big mistake.  Costly one.

OK, so we'll go with that.  But then, once he found out the truth and realized his error, he could be released from this covenant, right?

In a word, NO.  We see in this passage (and over and over throughout Scripture) how seriously God takes covenants.  The covenant of marriage is His picture to the world of His commitment to us.  Once God enters into a  covenant, HE DOES NOT LEAVE.  He commits Himself to us forever.
And when God's people made a covenant - even one with the deceitful Gibeonites - He would not allow them to leave.  He required that His people live up to the promises made and not only live in peace with these people but also protect them from harm. 

Wow.  God expected a lot of His people, didn't He?

But look what He did on their behalf!!!! Let me warn you - this is so exciting you might need to sit down.  This is positively awesome.  And true.

 The Gibeonites were being attacked by five other nations.  It looked hopeless.  They sent word to Joshua, informing him of their plight and reminding him that their covenant relationship bound him to fight for them, to protect them, to come to their aid.
I can't help but wonder if Cap'n Josh had a moment where he thought, "They deserve to be defeated after what they did to me".  But Scripture doesn't tell us that.  What it does say is that Joshua went to their aid.

More importantly, God came to Joshua's aid.

7So Joshua marched up from Gilgal with his entire army, including all the best fighting men. 8The Lord said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid of them; I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you.”

9After an all-night march from Gilgal, Joshua took them by surprise. 10The Lord threw them into confusion before Israel, so Joshua and the Israelites defeated them completely at Gibeon. Israel pursued them along the road going up to Beth Horon and cut them down all the way to Azekah and Makkedah. 11As they fled before Israel on the road down from Beth Horon to Azekah, the Lord hurled large hailstones down on them, and more of them died from the hail than were killed by the swords of the Israelites.

12On the day the Lord gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the Lord in the presence of Israel:

“Sun, stand still over Gibeon,

and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.”

13So the sun stood still,

and the moon stopped,

till the nation avenged itself on^b its enemies,

as it is written in the Book of Jashar.

The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. 14There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the Lord listened to a human being. Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel

 

Notice that not only did the Israelites prevail, the Gibeonites were preserved and the true enemy was annihilated. 

 

If you are in a covenant that's being attacked, even a covenant that you never should have made, I am praying that you will follow Joshua's example and ask God to rain down hailstones on the enemy and even to make the sun stand still while He defeats the one who desires your destruction.  That enemy is not your covenant partner.