Waging the war....successfully

I promised a follow up to the "war is a good sign" post.  Here goes.


Indeed, the presence of a struggle between flesh and spirit means that the Spirit is alive in you but the point is not to abide in the struggle....the point is to win.

You may be saying "yes!  I want to win!  But I've tried and tried and tried and ______ is still a problem in my life.  I still lose my temper, I still battle obesity/pornography/alcohol, I still am jealous of others, I still......... whatever....I keep losing."
The struggle - between my flesh ("self") and the Spirit.
   When my flesh is in control, it convinces me that I am owed certain things (like comfort, security, significance, pleasure) and when those things are not delivered as I expect, products like worry and anger and jealousy and impurity and strife are produced.  John Piper calls these "works of the flesh" - " emotional attempts to settle accounts because we didn't get what we thought we deserved".  My flesh is awfully convinced that I merit far more than is actually true, and often, more than I am getting.


The Spirit, on the other hand, produces life.  Galatians 5:22,23 describes the results of a life dominated by the Spirit instead of the flesh: " love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control"


Duh, I choose "Spirit".  How bout you?


I want to, I really do.  And I'll bet you do, too.


How can we?

I don't have "three keys to successfully dying to yourself". Even if I did, our flesh would probably refuse to read them!  Our flesh or adamic nature or "self" is quite stubbornly intent on running the show.
But I do have some good news.


First, the reality. 
For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do (Galatians 5:17)
 and 
 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being,  but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
(Romans 7:22-25)


Next, the good news for the Christ-follower:
Our flesh has been rendered powerless. 
We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin (Romans 6:6)


But wait, why does my flesh continue to cause me problems if it's been crucified???


Our flesh has indeed been dealt a mortal wound.  Piper describes it as  "dragon that resides in the cave of our soul" and " It is a mortal wound. It will die. That is certain. But it has not yet bled to death, and it may yet revive with violent convulsions and do much harm. So you must treat it as dead and seal the cave as a tomb. The Lord of darkness may cause earthquakes in your soul to shake the stones loose, but you build them up again. And have this confidence: with my sword and my hand on yours this dragon's doom is sure, he is finished, and your new life is secure."


So the dragon called flesh can bellow loudly and order us around....but we don't have to comply. 


Know that, once we are in Christ, we never have to sin again.  Anytime we "fall" to anger or impurity or jealousy or any other product of the flesh, it's because we chose to.


Seriously.  We chose that sin.
Over peace and kindness and purity and joy.


Last, the tip for how to make the right choice.  Which results in the desired product.
Quite simple, actually.

 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:6)


The way to live a life that is characterized by love (for God and others) instead of a life that cherishes self...walking by the Spirit instead of according to the flesh....is a result of


Our mindset.


When we set our mind on the truth and value of the Spirit, the result is life....love...peace...joy.


But if our mind is instead focused on pleasing and satisfying and rewarding our self, the result is death.


Choosing to set our mind on the Spirit is what Scripture calls "dying to self". 


What does this look like when we are in a struggle with our teenager or our toddler, when there is a clash between the will of our spouse and our own, when it feels like a nap or the entire bag of Oreos is what the only thing that will make us feel better?


We choose.
 We can give in to the demands of the flesh by agreeing with it that we deserve whatever our flesh is suggesting.
Or we can direct our thoughts to what God says is true.  That He supplies all that we need in Christ Jesus.  That He only gives good and perfect gifts to His children.  That it is  more blessed to give than to receive.  That we can do all things through Christ.


Simple, yes. 
Harder to do, yes.
But the more we exercise that muscle to choose the things of the Spirit, the less we listen to the dying demands of our flesh, the more we get to enjoy the fruit that the Spirit produces.  

The problem with parenting....and all other challenges

One of my most fav readers commented to me after the last post(advice from a couple of pros - see below)  that the actual tasks of caring for small children might not be hard in themselves, but dying to yourself is.  


That woman is spot on, I think.  Very wise.


Her insight led me to today's post -


What makes parenting (at any stage) difficult? Why does it feel like a war with the ones we love the most?
It's not the war without....it's the war within.


Our spirit vs. our flesh.
For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would  Galatians 5:17


But wait - before you sigh in disgust, "oh great it's all my fault" and quit reading, give this a listen.  The war is a good sign.


I'll get to that part in a moment but first let's examine "desires of the flesh".  At first glance, it's tempting to read that and think we are exempt if we aren't guilty of public drunkenness, pornography addictions or extra marital affairs.  While those things do fit into the "desires of the flesh" category, there's a whole lot more in that box.  Believe me!
What does our "flesh" desire?  What IS our "flesh"?  Here's how John Piper defines "flesh" -it does not simply refer to the physical part of you.  The flesh is the ego which feels an emptiness and uses the resources in its own power to try to fill it. Flesh is the "I" who tries to satisfy me with anything but God's mercy.
So that longing for personal comfort (sleeping for as long as I want to or not having to experience emotional angst over sibling squabbles), that quest for personal pleasure (all the golf/reading/whatever I can get in or all the Oreos in the pantry), that yearning for significance in the eyes of others (through the car I drive or the successful children I spawned) are all desires of the flesh....human attempts to fill the emptiness of our souls.


These desires are incompatible with the "desires of the Spirit" (the desires to know God, to honor and obey and delight in Him above all else). That's why I say that this "war within" is a good sign.  If there were no struggle, that would mean the flesh is completely in control.  And that's not good news at all.


Parenting (and marriage and relationships at work, in the neighborhood, and at church) is the battlefield on which the war is waged.  It's not the war - it's just where it happens. When my flesh vs spirit struggle clashes with that of my child/spouse/neighbor, it can result in great carnage but remember that those relationships are not the war....just where it happens.  That means the enemy isn't your child, your spouse, your boss, or your neighbor....and it's not you, either.  It's the flesh that was dealt a mortal blow but doesn't know it's dead that's the enemy.  Flesh that doesn't want us to obey the command to love God with our whole hearts and to love others as much as we love ourselves....and our own comfort and pleasure and significance.  Flesh that opposes every effort we make to live according to the Spirit, our new nature.


Flesh that is doomed to destruction.  And next time, I'll share some thoughts on how to walk by the Spirit so that we don't carry out the desires of the flesh.


And maybe there'll be some tips that we can apply to marriage and parenting and all other challenges, uh, relationships.


For now, take heart.  The hard part of parenting is designed to render the greatest blessing - a life led by the Spirit....the path to joy and peace and blessing.  Hallelujah!

Advice from a couple of pros

I was enjoying my conversation with this "seasoned" Mom/grandmother. She's raised a bunch of kids to adulthood and is now enjoying a crew of grandkids. Now that I fit in both categories, I figured we'd share some insights.  Launching into the "Moms of young kids have it tough-those early stages are so hard-my heart goes out to them" spiel, I waited for her to share the sympathy I was extending as tribute to all the Moms of little ones that I get to do life with. 


Instead she said "It's not that hard" without batting an eyelash.


I back-pedaled, explaining that I remember how hard it is to lose sleep, decipher frustrated babbles, chase perpetual motion, and press through the irony of feeling isolated when you never have a moment alone.  Here's a summary of her thoughts -


Take a chill pill.  Women have been raising kids since the dawn of time and it's just not as hard as we want to make it.  Sure it's serious business and it's the most valuable job in the universe but, relax.  Buck up, actually.  It's not that hard.


Forget trying to impress others with your FB pictures and "pinnable moments" and just play with your children.  Get your big girl panties on and "look well to the ways of your household".  Quit the whinin'.  Train those kids to obey - without losing your cool - and enjoy them.  Every single stage will pass and each one will have unique joys and challenges.  Don't act like it's impossible to function pleasantly  without sleep and be tough enough to outlast your toddler's tantrums....cheerfully. 


About halfway through her comments, I decided to forego my planned lament about how hard it is to parent adult children!


I reflected.  And recalled a conversation with one of the wisest women I've ever known.  She's long since gone on to collect her reward for surviving a whole handful of children and living victoriously through some marriage AND parenting storms that have leveled plenty of other strong women.  I wanted to know the secret.  Hoping she wouldn't give me the Sunday School answer, I crossed my fingers for some practical advice.


She delivered.


Teach the kids two things - in order of priority -
1.  To persevere patiently
2.  To serve cheerfully
We need to develop the muscle of perseverance in our children so that they can face difficulties and doubts and despair without crumbling.  Let's be honest - at some point, they are going to wonder if the faith they've been taught is the truth...or worth it.  Their marriage commitment is going to be tested.  They are going to be hit with, at best, disappointment, and at worst, devastating loss.  Their ability to handle these curve balls of adversity is based largely on whether or not they have the spiritual and emotional fortitude to hang on. 


The aptitude of serving cheerfully means a person has weaned themselves from the narcissism of thinking "it's all about me".  How I feel, what I want, and who owes me.  If we want our children to develop into healthy, successful adults, it is imperative that we begin early to train them to serve.  Cheerfully.  Notice the needs of others around them and move to meet those needs.  Starts at home.


Good counsel but how do we apply it? Practically speaking.


Here's a couple of suggestions-
1.  Don't solve all their problems for them.  Let them struggle a bit to get their shirt over their head or retrieve the ball they missed.  Or decide which classes to take and whether or not to play baseball this season.
2.  Let them feel the consequences of decisions.  Yes, this will be more painful for you than for them and I am all for rescuing them when it's necessary but be careful of enabling them to be sloppy and forgetful and lazy.  How many times should you make that extra trip to bring the forgotten term paper or practice shoes to them?  Once, maybe twice.  But know that they will make their own necessary adjustments when they've had to run laps or take a zero because of their ineptitude.
3.  Don't treat them like a diva.  Five year olds don't need birthday parties that rival Cinderella's ball and proms should not be treated like a wedding.  Enough said.
4.  Give them repeated opportunities to serve.  Beginning at home.  If you've read anything I've written you know that I consider family chores to be the panacea for pretty much all ills and this is no exception.  Present it to them in terms of serving.  SERVE.  At home and away. 
5.  Let them be mistreated without coming to their defense.  All Mama-Bear claws are aimed in my direction right about NOW!  But seriously, let them "suffer".  Sympathize with them, cry with them, but be very very very very very careful about marching into the appropriate office and demanding retribution.  (In cases of illegal activity, of course I think you better step in but I'm instead talking about "unfair" treatment from a coach or hurtful words from a friend and the like)
6.  Let them see in your life a shining example of cheerful service and patient perseverance.  They won't forget the lessons they see lived in front of them.  Talk plenty, walk more. 


Let's don't make this any harder than it really is :)

Guest post - meet Kaitlin

If any of you are discouraged by the college kids and 20 somethings that surround you, I have good news for you.  There are some exemplary young adults out there and I happen to know a bunch of 'em.  I get to hang out with several from time to time and I am in awe of their maturity, their intellect, their zest for life, their depth, and their walks with the Lord.  I asked one of these "kids" to write a post for me.  Be prepared to be blown away....Meet Kaitlin....

First thing’s first: I don’t know what it means to suffer– I mean, truly suffer. I have never known what it is to be in desperate want of any physical need. I’ve never had to overcome (beyond extended family) the deep sorrow of death. And, by sheer grace, I have never been dealt true tragedy. The Lord has overwhelmed my life with love, joy and provision (via both Him and other people) beyond anything I could possibly deserve. So in terms of a series, guided by my hero Mrs. Suzanne, on guest writers who have undergone sufferings in life, I could not be more unqualified. (And trust me, if I thought she’d be willing to publish a blog post written entirely about how much I love, respect, look up to and want to be her, I would have written that instead.) But when I consider the heart, mind and spirit struggle I’ve wrestled with most in my walk with Him, it has undoubtedly been the longing and waiting for things I want but don’t now have.

 

I’m the youngest of three, and in addition to all the baby-of-the-family trends I likely confirm, my mom often tells the story of having to learn, when I was first born, that to both settle and entertain me, I had to be held facing out. I wanted to see everything. I wanted to be aware of what everyone was doing, part of all that was happening, confident I wasn’t missing out on anything. Fast-forward 23 years, and you find a girl who still hates naps, still is curious about surrounding people and stories, still wants to see all options and still likes to leave all doors open. As a kid, that could be pacified by a quick 180 in Mom’s arms. But as an adult, that often translates to wanting things (specific things, in certain circumstances, in my timing) that the Lord, in His great wisdom and greater love, simply did not choose (or has yet) to grant. So in those times, throughout those struggles, I’ve learned to do two things: (1) examine what He hasn’t given me and the desire ultimately at the root of it, and (2) remember and cling to the truth of the promises He has given me: promises to satisfy, to supply every need and to give me all good things—today, in these circumstances, with or without that thing I long for now.

 

First, in examining what the Lord hasn’t given me, I remember the story of Balaam in Numbers 22. Balaam wants to go forward. He thinks he’s supposed to go forward. He has places to be and things to do that are forward. He was even acting on a call from God to go forward (v. 19). But in that moment, at that point, his annoying donkey wouldn’t let him go. Three times Balaam smacks her in frustration. Because seriously, what’s more agitating than an immovable object (or circumstance or silence) that stands in the way of what you believe to be the perfect path? But the donkey saw something that Balaam could not see (v. 23). The donkey saw an angel of the Lord with a drawn sword, and the angel did not appear, at the moment, to be Balaam’s biggest fan. Despite this undesired delay–an unplanned interruption in Balaam’s seemingly well-laid course–there were greater things happening in the spiritual realm (i.e. a sword-wielding angel) than Balaam could see, and by not allowing Balaam to go forward, despite how much he wanted to at the time, God was actually extending a momentarily incomprehensible grace (for Balaam’s own good) by choosing not to grant what Balaam wanted most. Elisabeth Elliot often says that some of God’s greatest mercies are His refusals. I think she’s right.

 

I am so grateful for the encouraging, challenging, believing friends the Lord has used to bless my life beyond measure and point me to Himself. But sometimes, I think we (“we” being an intentional first-person pronoun, because I can be the most guilty of all) are tempted to give well-intending but misleading assurances that have strayed from roots once found in scripture. For example, I’ve often heard that we should be confident we will receive what we now long for (a specific position, different circumstances, future marriage, even children), because we desire those things, and God has promised to give us the desires of our heart. This is true. Psalm 37:4 confirms that He will. But this promise is given on the condition preceding it: that we delight ourselves in Him, acknowledging that our true and only source of joy, satisfaction, purpose and content is in Him. This means, though, that we don’t ultimately want what we (in our narrow perspective and limited understanding) think we want for us. We want what He wants for us. And this is promised to be far better and far more valuable—both in this life and in the one to come.

 

Second, I remember what He has given me. Confession: for better or worse, I often take Hebrews 4:16 very seriously and confidently declare God’s truth and promises (as found in His Word, not as assumed in my head) before Him­–not because I think He needs to be reminded, but because I know that I do. So I declare them with my mind until I believe them with my heart. God promised that those who seek Him would lack no good thing (Psalm 34:10), meaning that anything I long for now but do not have (at least in my timing and in the form I now desire it) is not good. He promised that just as He watches over and provides for the lilies and sparrows, so He will do for us, because we are worth far more than they (Matt. 10:31). He promised that He knows what I need before I even ask Him (Matt. 6:8). And He promised that if I first seek His Kingdom, that “all these things,” all these things I really need, and all those things I ultimately long for (found at the roots of the things I’m shortsightedly longing for now), will be added to me as well–not according to my timing, my ways or my best-laid plans, but according to His. Thank goodness for that.

 

Even so, there’s a lot I don’t know. I don’t know whether the things I am currently tempted to pity and sorrow over not having are truly good things. They may be things He wants me to persistently ask for in faith (Luke 11:5-13), or the obstacles standing in the way of them (the unknowns, the silences, the seemingly unanswered prayers) may be stubborn but God-ordained donkeys, blocking my path from what I wouldn’t actually want if I could see them for what they truly are. But here’s what I do know: there sure are a lot of incomprehensibly good things He has promised to give those who love and seek Him that I do want (or at least would want, if I could see with His eyes), and yet leave on the table everyday.

 

He has made so many bold and unfathomable promises in return for following Him that are “immeasurably more” than all we could ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20)–worth far more than anything we leave behind, or anything we do not have yet think we lack. He has promised to satisfy us– in the morning with His unfailing love (Psalm 90:14), and with His good, so that our youth is renewed like the eagle’s (Psalm 103:4-5). He has promised that, if we do not grow weary in doing good and do not lose heart, in due season, we will reap (Gal. 6:9). He has promised that, if we dwell in the shelter of the Most High, we will abide in the shadow of the Almighty (Psalm 91:1). He has promised to work and act for us as we wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4). He has promised to bless us as we fear Him (Psalm 115:13). And He has promised that if we humble ourselves under His mighty hand, He will lift us up in due time (1 Pet. 5:6).

 

But perhaps best of all, He has promised that He will not be slow to fulfill those promises as some–like me, in my often faithless impatience and prideful frustration–understand slowness (2 Pet. 3:9). He will give me all good things (as I seek Him and His Kingdom) and will grant my desires (as I delight myself in Him, taking on His desires as my own) in His perfect timing and ways. And He will not delay. So at the end of the day, at the end of those prayers, at the bottom of those tears, I remind myself that even in my earthly desires—which the enemy longs to use to distract me from the only true source of fulfillment, goodness and life—that, ultimately, as Bob Goff said best, “Whatever it is we’re aiming for, God’s better.”

 

But beyond all the truths of Scripture, all the words of Jesus and all the personal testimonies of friends, there is one additional lesson that has given me great assurance, confidence and peace in looking to the Father throughout my periods of uncertainty, of longing and of waiting: watching my own father (fondly referred to, by my two-year-old nephew Hayden, as Dan-Dan) become a granddad to my sister’s precious kids. Maybe it’s because, being the youngest, I didn’t have the chance to watch my dad be a father to other young kids (at least, not any younger than me), but it is truly unreal how much my parents love those two. They are the absolute joy of my parents’ lives. And while Mom provides the unfailing patience and tireless enthusiasm, it is Dad’s deep compassion and quiet love that often strike me most.

 

I think Hayden is, in some ways, the fourth son Dad never had. And for that reason (and many others) I genuinely believe that if there were anything, absolutely anything, Hayden wanted that was (a) good for him and (b) in Dad’s power to give, Dad would give it–as absolutely soon, and in the absolute best way, as he possibly could. But if Hayden asked Dad to let him touch the hot stove (just one time, because it looked so fun, because it surely couldn’t be that bad, because he could make a very thought-out case, because everyone around him said it’d be great) no matter how much Hayden begged, and no matter how much sorrow, resentment and frustration he harbored for being refused, Dad would not say yes. This is not because Dad doesn’t love him, or because Dad doesn’t want him to have all good things or because Dad wants to inflict hurt, but precisely because of the opposite. And in terms of a heavenly Father who loves me even more, I know that, regardless of what I now see and understand—as He gives and takes away, as He answers and remains silent, as He grants and refuses—He is doing the very same, on an infinitely greater scale, for me.

 

Of all the things I long for in life right now, I do not always know which are good, God-given desires and which are hot stoves that I want to touch because, with blinded eyes like Balaam’s, I cannot see them for what they truly are.  But what I do know is that our Father rewards those who earnestly seek Him (Heb. 11:6), He will meet our every need in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19), in His presence there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11) and at the end of the day, whether with Him and all these things we want, or with Him and Him alone, His grace is, and will always be, sufficient for me (2 Cor. 12:9).
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Yep, this kid is incredible.  One of the most authentically humble, selfless and Christlike people I have ever had the privilege to know.  Take just a few more minutes and listen to her speak at her UGA graduation Spring 2013.
 Kaitlin Miller.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfPaKC-cQp4


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfPaKC-cQp4

How do you do it all?

I heard it again yesterday and at least 3 times before within a week.  Curious women asking, with perhaps a trace of angst in their voices and defeat on their faces, "How in the world do you manage to do it all?"


So, in case you are wondering, I am going to answer that question for my blog friends.  Same as I answered them.

I DO NOT DO IT ALL.


Period.  I do not do it all.


And I don't even try and I don't even feel a smidge of remorse over it.  Or desire for it.


I have been just as guilty as anyone else to look at someone else and slap the "Epic Fail" label on myself.  Depending on which friend I am focusing on, I come to the conclusion that I should exercise more, clean my house better (or just clean it period), decorate every room simultaneously - looking like House Beautiful yet on the budget of Poor Richard's Almanac - prepare gourmet meals 3x day from wheat and coconut oil that I grind and/or extract myself, write a blog that has ads on it (translation - makes $), publish a book, teach my kids violin and Japanese, give seminars on how to be the perfect wife & mother, have 21 children and adopt 6 more, and definitely SCRAPBOOK ALL THE LOVELY MEMORIES OF EACH CHILD FOR THEIR ENTIRE LIFE.  Yeah, definitely that one.  All the while maintaining an impeccable spirit of patience and kindness and love, and perfectly manicured nails.


If I look at all the folks that can and do those things, I mistakenly believe that they do all of them.  And I am here to set the record straight - they don't.  I don't (do any of them!).  And neither should you. 


Here's what I do:


1. I give grace.
Grace to myself by embracing the truth that I am not designed to "do it all".  Grace for my friends who can't "do it all" either.  And grace for my family by not stressing us all out while I try and pretend that I can.


2.  I prioritize.
While we can't do "it all", we can and should do the "it" we are designed to do!  I constantly assess how I'm doing on keeping my priorities in order.  And I ask for input, even when it's painful...
My husband's needs and desires for our family trump everything else.  This week, he held a conference for his department and vaguely hinted at needing something for the "goody bags".  I offered to make strawberry jam and this took priority over all other projects I had planned.  Note: he didn't insist on this, didn't even really ask for it.  Instead, this was an opportunity for me to bless him and to live out my priorities.
After hubby come kiddos.  Yep, my family comes before church or "ministry".  While I don't (always) jump at whatever the kids are asking me to do, the needs of their schedules and lives take precedence over my Bible studies, my blog, and my friends.  My family IS my ministry!
As the children have gotten older and more independent, I have more disposable time to invest in other places.  But they will always rank higher in the pecking order than anything outside my home.  Especially exercise.........


3.  I outsource and delegate.
BIG on this idea!  I don't do all the cleaning in our home. The kids are largely responsible for the day to day cleanliness of our home (which is why we suggest all our guests be up to date on immunizations...JK)  I do most of the cooking but lunch is most always "YOYO" - You're on your own.
Whatever I can afford to outsource, I do.  I know women who can repair cars, monogram gift items,  and maintain their own heating/cooling systems, but I can't.  Perhaps I should say I don't because I'd like to think I could learn if I had to.....but while we can afford to have someone else do these things, I consider it  my patriotic duty to contribute to the economy by paying to have it done.


4.  I plan ahead.
I am always on the lookout for things I can do ahead of time that will save me time later.  Often, it saves me money as well.  I deliberately choose projects, menus, etc that can be broken up into smaller increments and done a step at a time.  For instance, that strawberry jam I mentioned.  A week before I knew we would need to make jam, I had already purchased and processed scrumptious berries into 3 cup portions and stashed them in the freezer.  Ready for smoothies or my strawberry bread recipe.  Now I could use some of them for strawberry jam.  Same for apples that I grate and store in bags to be used in my apple cake recipe.  Makes end of year teacher gifts a snap.
Speaking of gifts, I have a "gift box" under my bed which houses things I purchase on sale and stash until time for a hostess gift or birthday present.  Helps avoid some of those mad dashes to the store at the last minute.  Saves $ too :)


For me, planning ahead means not putting off what can be accomplished early. That's pretty self-explanatory but just for the sake of example, I'll share that I think it's a good idea to get up early, make up your bed as soon as you get out of it, don't waste time doing meaningless things, and (loosely) plan your day the night before.


And it means being prepared.  Maybe not Y2K proportions, but being prepared saves my hide more times than I can count!  (and the converse is also true.....)


I have some other ideas about organization that help save time, money, and sanity in this series:
Tips for the UNorganized,
Planning ahead really helps me do the "it" I'm called to do!


5. I lower my  expectations.
Now, don't hear what I'm not saying.  I am all for excellence!  My husband just taught this principle to  our Young Marrieds Sunday School class this week.  Yes, I am all for excellence.  But perfectionism and excellence are two different things.
"Excellence" is for the glory of God and the blessing of others.
"Perfectionism" is for the glory of self and a manifestation of pride. 
When I say "lower expectations", I am talking about going back to point #1. Giving grace all around.  Not trying to appear that I have it all together and can do more than someone else.  Not being impatient with people that don't have strengths in the areas I value but instead seeing their strengths as being different than mine and also to be treasured & applauded.
Strive to do the best you can, even in the "little" things but not so that you look good in someone else's eyes.  Do the best you can at that moment, given the resources (sleep, money, energy, giftedness) available to you at that time.  And be content with the results.




6.  I consider timing.
"It all" today won't look like my "it all" next year.  I don't attempt to do all that I am equipped to do at the same time.
  For example, I don't teach a Bible study every semester.  Even though I dearly love to do that and am called to teach women, I don't try to do it nonstop.  I need time to study and prepare...and replenish and maintain my priorities.
I look ahead at the calendar and guard our commitments so that our family as a whole isn't overscheduled.  If my hubby and/or kids have a lot of obligations in a certain week, I don't add to the stress level by hosting a Tupperware party in our home at that time.  And I don't let the kids commit to too many things either...even if "they love it!!"


Psalm 1:3 says
He is like a tree
    planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
    and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers


Different seasons are to yield different fruit.  Know which one you're in.  Don't try to produce out of season.
And, in order to keep bearing that fruit and not wither, we need to be sure we are planted so that we continuously receive the Living Water.  Over and over and over.