It's surreal.
The atrocities going on across the sea.
In Israel and Palestine and Gaza. In Iraq. Especially in Iraq.
I read online reports. See the news. And I am horrified.
Then I go grocery shopping. Take my child to piano lessons. Look after my Mom. Life is normal. I give little thought to the horrors.
But the anguish returns. I wonder if it is all true. Perhaps some lies are being disseminated. Then I read reports from credible sources that reveal more evil. Normal is shattered.
HOW CAN THIS TAKE PLACE?
Children being beheaded. Women kidnapped and forced into slave trade. Crucifixions. Victims being buried alive.
Surely this cannot be! We live in a civilized world....or so I thought. The shocking barbarity that I learned about when studying the Middle Ages - AND THE HOLOCAUST - are not just in the history books. Humans are capable of unspeakable evil. Here and now. We cannot pretend or deny or ignore.
The most heartbreaking issue of all is that this inhumane cruelty is in the name of religion.
I cannot process it. I simply cannot.
So I go back to my mundane normality. My blessed, precious, wonderful, mundane normality.
But I cannot stay there. I have to do something. We all do. We must not return to our "normal" and ignore this horrible truth.
We know the quote from Edmund Burke -- "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
What can we do?
1. Pray. I know that sounds trite. But it's true. Only God can change the human heart - and that's where the problem lies. For all of us. I don't even know what to pray but God can take care of that, too. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27
So, I ask myself, am I really praying? Really??
2. Give. Yes, God is the only answer but He often involves us in the process by giving food, water, relief. Some organizations I suggest are Voice of the Martyrs, Open Door, International Mission Board SBC. These groups are getting stuff done quickly. They have missional "ground troops" that are close to the crisis and know how to respond effectively. GIVE. But give to groups that can really help. Many news sources report that the majority of the humanitarian relief provided by some outlets was unusable once it was dropped on the mountain. Give. We have so much -- too much, really - we can help significantly if we all just give.
3. Spread the word. Tell others. Keep the focus on what's happening. Perhaps the terrible slaughter of the Holocaust wouldn't have happened if people that knew what was going on had spread the word. Make sure the attention of governments and all the world is riveted on these horrifying events. Social media. Conversations at the water cooler. In the pulpit. Talk about it.
4. Contact Congress and the White House and let your horror be known. Insist that our government not allow evil to triumph by doing too little or even nothing. Humanitarian aid is insufficient. We need to rescue these people. Be their voice and be sure you get heard.
5. Do not return to normal. Pray without ceasing. Give sacrificially. Keep talking about it. Be relentless in insisting that effective action be taken.
When I read about the horrors of the Nazis or visit the Holocaust museum, I cannot grasp how this took place....while the majority of the world went about its business being normal.
What will history say about our response?
One final thought. As much as we want to believe that these evil people are uncommon, they are not. As much as we long to believe that humans are basically good, and given the right education and upbringing and governmental programs , all people will behave with civility and compassion, that's just not true. Humans are inherently bent towards evil. Apart from the intervening grace of God, every one of us is capable of committing unspeakable acts of evil. And as much as my heart cries not only for rescue of the victims but also irreversible retribution for the perpetrators, I must acknowledge that they need a Savior --- just like I do. And so I must pray for them. I must. I cannot slide back into normal. They should be stopped and brought to justice but I must not hate them.
Hate is what spawned this evil to begin with.
Hey! Ya wanna build a sand castle?
Lessons learned from the beach
We built sand castles today. I'm glad my crew was still willing to do it - I don't think I'll ever grow tired of drizzle castles and beach moats.
We were at it for the better part of an afternoon. Topped off riding the waves and reading on the beach. I learned a lot from today's activities and thought I'd share.
1. Building a pretty castle is insufficient - it needs to be protected from the sea by deep moats and wide walls. After you spend all that time decorating it, you really hate to see it swept away in 5 minutes .
2. If you spend all your time building the walls and digging the moats, though, you run out of time to build a pretty castle. And pretty castles are nice.
3. It's very helpful to build castles in pairs.
4. And it's a lot more fun.
5. You can waste a lot of valuable time debating castle plans. Better to just get to work building.
6. Wondering what passers-by think is also a waste of time. In reality, they're probably not even paying any attention to what you're doing. They're too busy thinking about what they are doing.
7. Comparing your castle to the one down the beach is a waste of energy.
8. Additional input is wonderful. Unless you get too many chiefs and not enough Indians.
9. Building lots of walls is a good idea. One layer after another. Insulation.
10. It's very gratifying to watch your work withstand the assault of the sea. Especially castles that don't look like they're gonna make it and are even labeled "lost causes".
11. I get tired building sand castles.
12. When somebody that's already finished with their castle comes over to help you, it's very encouraging. Especially if their walls are positioned in a way that lends some protection to yours.
13. You can spend all your time documenting that you're having fun via instagram or you can just have fun.
14. Sooner or later, the waves are gonna win. Trenches and thick walls can hold off the attack for a while. Our construction lasted over 30 hours and still counting! But sooner or later, every sand castle falls. So be sure to have a lot of fun in the building!
15. The real fun is the work, not admiring the finished product.
16. Building lives, or parenting, is an awful lot like building sandcastles. Except that the waves don't always wash all the evidence away.
17. While I love building sandcastles, I've decided I'd rather build lives. On The Rock.
But I learned a lot about the latter from the former...............
“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it
Matthew 7:24-27
We built sand castles today. I'm glad my crew was still willing to do it - I don't think I'll ever grow tired of drizzle castles and beach moats.
We were at it for the better part of an afternoon. Topped off riding the waves and reading on the beach. I learned a lot from today's activities and thought I'd share.
1. Building a pretty castle is insufficient - it needs to be protected from the sea by deep moats and wide walls. After you spend all that time decorating it, you really hate to see it swept away in 5 minutes .
2. If you spend all your time building the walls and digging the moats, though, you run out of time to build a pretty castle. And pretty castles are nice.
3. It's very helpful to build castles in pairs.
4. And it's a lot more fun.
5. You can waste a lot of valuable time debating castle plans. Better to just get to work building.
6. Wondering what passers-by think is also a waste of time. In reality, they're probably not even paying any attention to what you're doing. They're too busy thinking about what they are doing.
7. Comparing your castle to the one down the beach is a waste of energy.
8. Additional input is wonderful. Unless you get too many chiefs and not enough Indians.
9. Building lots of walls is a good idea. One layer after another. Insulation.
10. It's very gratifying to watch your work withstand the assault of the sea. Especially castles that don't look like they're gonna make it and are even labeled "lost causes".
11. I get tired building sand castles.
12. When somebody that's already finished with their castle comes over to help you, it's very encouraging. Especially if their walls are positioned in a way that lends some protection to yours.
13. You can spend all your time documenting that you're having fun via instagram or you can just have fun.
14. Sooner or later, the waves are gonna win. Trenches and thick walls can hold off the attack for a while. Our construction lasted over 30 hours and still counting! But sooner or later, every sand castle falls. So be sure to have a lot of fun in the building!
15. The real fun is the work, not admiring the finished product.
16. Building lives, or parenting, is an awful lot like building sandcastles. Except that the waves don't always wash all the evidence away.
17. While I love building sandcastles, I've decided I'd rather build lives. On The Rock.
But I learned a lot about the latter from the former...............
“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it
Matthew 7:24-27
Being a Boy's Mommy
I've been at this for 18 years now. Being a boy's Mommy.
You'd think I had it figured out.
I still feel like a neophyte.
But it still feels great.
Today marks the 18th birthday of my son. He gets to register to vote.......and for the Selective Service. (Just giving notice to anyone who ever decides to reinstate the draft, you will have to deal with some upset Mamas. Including me. Especially me. Just warning.....)
I've cried over his socks that have long been indistinguishable from his Dad's. I've grinned back the tears during his first prom pictures. And I've pulled out the memories of Matchbox cars lined up by the basement stairs, shots made from half court, and frustrated tears over sibling squabbles. Being a boy-mommy is a cherished gift.
As I looked ahead to this momentous occasion, I thought about how much our world focuses on girls. On treating them right. On giving them a "fair chance". On how they deserve to be viewed. And treated. And I'm all for that. My husband has done a herculean job of modeling for our girls how they should expect a fella to act towards them. Date nights. Tender touch. Lots of time with them. And especially how he treats their Mama. He has set the bar high for the men in the lives of his girls. I am so very grateful.
But what do we do for little boys? Who's showing them what to expect from a girl? Not just how to treat females but especially how they themselves should be treated! Who's setting the standard for respect and tenderness and responding to his leadership? Who's helping him figure out what God's calling is on his life? Who's gonna let him know he shouldn't settle for a girl characterized by mean-spirited sassiness or disrespectful putdowns disguised as humor? Who will instruct him that the old saying "you can't judge a book by its cover" doesn't apply to girls and their clothing (because that book didn't select its cover but, be assured, young women carefully choose their outfits!)? Who's got his back? Who else is protecting and nurturing his heart, the wellspring of life?
As I pondered these things, I thought - it's me. I'm the one. His Dad is doing a pretty much perfect job to show him how to be a man, but I'm the one that can guide him in what kind of girl deserves him. (Or comes close, anyway). And, honestly, all these thoughts have reshaped some of my girl-guidance. But that's another post.....
I am far from an expert and I am ever so hesitant to "give Mommy advice" especially about raising a man-child. I'm more comfortable in girl-world. But my son patiently teaches me a lot and I want to share some things I've learned that boys need........
1. Boys need hugs and kisses and lots of loving touch. Just as much as girls. Oddly, the natural tendency is to give less of these to our little fellas. That's not just my observation or personal inclination - research bears this out. If you've got a little boy, work really hard to be sure you fill up his cup with lots of hugs and kisses and tickles and pats on the arm.
2. Boys need responsibility. This can begin with chores at a young age and evolve into taking care of his schoolwork and his car and his schedule. It's extremely painful to watch but you need to let him fail so that he can learn how to recover successfully. Don't always rescue him. He needs to exercise this muscle of responsibility so that it will be fully functional by the time he is on his own.
3. Boys need to learn how to handle money. Duh. Don't we all. But seriously, this is critical. How many promising young men have we observed falling into failure because they lacked the skills to manage their finances. I have an earlier post about kids and money - no need to repeat here. Just know that boys need to learn the fundamentals of saving and giving and delayed gratification. Move on to investing and such from there. Boys need to learn how to handle money.
4. Boys need to learn how to work. Hard. They need to know some basic household skills like how to scramble eggs and clean a bathroom but they really need to know how to take care of a lawn, change a tire, and fix a leaky faucet. You can label me sexist if you want to but boys need to be equipped in the "man jobs". And they also need to know how to work outside the home. They will be motivated to do this if they don't have a steady stream of money coming in from the parents...
5. Boys need respect. Yes, they do. This can be a difficult transition for mommies because, after all, we have wiped their snotty noses and washed their stinky socks and dried their little-boy tears forever. But we must be intentional about respecting them. And insisting that their sisters do the same! Respect his needs and his preferences and the differences between guys and gals. Give him respect personally ....and especially let him see you respect his Dad.
6. Boys need a daily example of what a good wife is. Serving the family cheerfully, diligence at home with a willing heart, joy in her role, respecting her husband, and all the while utilizing the talents and resources God has entrusted to her. Many many times I have been guided in the right direction as a wife because I've thought "what would I want Chip's wife to do for him in this situation?"
7. One more thought. I learned this one the hard way. Boys need closeness with their Mom. Years ago, I got some bad advice. Or maybe it was good advice that I misapplied. Whichever it was, I learned a painful lesson. I was told to be so careful not to smother my only boy (my perfect boy). I was cautioned that I would handicap him as a man by hovering over him and trying to be so close. So I backed off. I made conscious choices to retreat from the tight relationship that we had when he was a little fella. Back when he thought I was as perfect as I think he is. It was painful, so very painful, for me but I thought I was doing the right thing for him. It's not that I abandoned him or shut him out but I did try to make myself less important in his life.
Boy was I wrong!!!!!!!!! One day, choked with emotion, he bravely said "I wish we were close like we used to be." I nearly drove off the road! How wrong I had been! I begged his forgiveness, told him about the poor advice I had followed, and asked how I could mend things.
Trust me, I want that, too. More than he possibly could! So I'll keep working on it forever. With my boy and my girls!
Boys need to be close to their Moms. They need our attention and our approval and our affection and our availability. They need their Mom. While it's true that our role shifts and morphs and adjusts to their growth, they will always need us.
I am so glad. So very glad.
Happy birthday to my favorite boy. I'll be your biggest fan forever! And I'll continue to do my best to model and pray for the luckiest girl in the world that gets to arrange her life around yours and listen to your funny stories and be mesmerized by how your mind works and delight in fixing your favorite foods.
I am so glad I get to be a boy-mommy.
Thank you, Lord. Help me do it right.
You'd think I had it figured out.
I still feel like a neophyte.
But it still feels great.
Today marks the 18th birthday of my son. He gets to register to vote.......and for the Selective Service. (Just giving notice to anyone who ever decides to reinstate the draft, you will have to deal with some upset Mamas. Including me. Especially me. Just warning.....)
I've cried over his socks that have long been indistinguishable from his Dad's. I've grinned back the tears during his first prom pictures. And I've pulled out the memories of Matchbox cars lined up by the basement stairs, shots made from half court, and frustrated tears over sibling squabbles. Being a boy-mommy is a cherished gift.
As I looked ahead to this momentous occasion, I thought about how much our world focuses on girls. On treating them right. On giving them a "fair chance". On how they deserve to be viewed. And treated. And I'm all for that. My husband has done a herculean job of modeling for our girls how they should expect a fella to act towards them. Date nights. Tender touch. Lots of time with them. And especially how he treats their Mama. He has set the bar high for the men in the lives of his girls. I am so very grateful.
But what do we do for little boys? Who's showing them what to expect from a girl? Not just how to treat females but especially how they themselves should be treated! Who's setting the standard for respect and tenderness and responding to his leadership? Who's helping him figure out what God's calling is on his life? Who's gonna let him know he shouldn't settle for a girl characterized by mean-spirited sassiness or disrespectful putdowns disguised as humor? Who will instruct him that the old saying "you can't judge a book by its cover" doesn't apply to girls and their clothing (because that book didn't select its cover but, be assured, young women carefully choose their outfits!)? Who's got his back? Who else is protecting and nurturing his heart, the wellspring of life?
As I pondered these things, I thought - it's me. I'm the one. His Dad is doing a pretty much perfect job to show him how to be a man, but I'm the one that can guide him in what kind of girl deserves him. (Or comes close, anyway). And, honestly, all these thoughts have reshaped some of my girl-guidance. But that's another post.....
I am far from an expert and I am ever so hesitant to "give Mommy advice" especially about raising a man-child. I'm more comfortable in girl-world. But my son patiently teaches me a lot and I want to share some things I've learned that boys need........
1. Boys need hugs and kisses and lots of loving touch. Just as much as girls. Oddly, the natural tendency is to give less of these to our little fellas. That's not just my observation or personal inclination - research bears this out. If you've got a little boy, work really hard to be sure you fill up his cup with lots of hugs and kisses and tickles and pats on the arm.
2. Boys need responsibility. This can begin with chores at a young age and evolve into taking care of his schoolwork and his car and his schedule. It's extremely painful to watch but you need to let him fail so that he can learn how to recover successfully. Don't always rescue him. He needs to exercise this muscle of responsibility so that it will be fully functional by the time he is on his own.
3. Boys need to learn how to handle money. Duh. Don't we all. But seriously, this is critical. How many promising young men have we observed falling into failure because they lacked the skills to manage their finances. I have an earlier post about kids and money - no need to repeat here. Just know that boys need to learn the fundamentals of saving and giving and delayed gratification. Move on to investing and such from there. Boys need to learn how to handle money.
4. Boys need to learn how to work. Hard. They need to know some basic household skills like how to scramble eggs and clean a bathroom but they really need to know how to take care of a lawn, change a tire, and fix a leaky faucet. You can label me sexist if you want to but boys need to be equipped in the "man jobs". And they also need to know how to work outside the home. They will be motivated to do this if they don't have a steady stream of money coming in from the parents...
5. Boys need respect. Yes, they do. This can be a difficult transition for mommies because, after all, we have wiped their snotty noses and washed their stinky socks and dried their little-boy tears forever. But we must be intentional about respecting them. And insisting that their sisters do the same! Respect his needs and his preferences and the differences between guys and gals. Give him respect personally ....and especially let him see you respect his Dad.
6. Boys need a daily example of what a good wife is. Serving the family cheerfully, diligence at home with a willing heart, joy in her role, respecting her husband, and all the while utilizing the talents and resources God has entrusted to her. Many many times I have been guided in the right direction as a wife because I've thought "what would I want Chip's wife to do for him in this situation?"
7. One more thought. I learned this one the hard way. Boys need closeness with their Mom. Years ago, I got some bad advice. Or maybe it was good advice that I misapplied. Whichever it was, I learned a painful lesson. I was told to be so careful not to smother my only boy (my perfect boy). I was cautioned that I would handicap him as a man by hovering over him and trying to be so close. So I backed off. I made conscious choices to retreat from the tight relationship that we had when he was a little fella. Back when he thought I was as perfect as I think he is. It was painful, so very painful, for me but I thought I was doing the right thing for him. It's not that I abandoned him or shut him out but I did try to make myself less important in his life.
Boy was I wrong!!!!!!!!! One day, choked with emotion, he bravely said "I wish we were close like we used to be." I nearly drove off the road! How wrong I had been! I begged his forgiveness, told him about the poor advice I had followed, and asked how I could mend things.
Trust me, I want that, too. More than he possibly could! So I'll keep working on it forever. With my boy and my girls!
Boys need to be close to their Moms. They need our attention and our approval and our affection and our availability. They need their Mom. While it's true that our role shifts and morphs and adjusts to their growth, they will always need us.
I am so glad. So very glad.
Happy birthday to my favorite boy. I'll be your biggest fan forever! And I'll continue to do my best to model and pray for the luckiest girl in the world that gets to arrange her life around yours and listen to your funny stories and be mesmerized by how your mind works and delight in fixing your favorite foods.
I am so glad I get to be a boy-mommy.
Thank you, Lord. Help me do it right.
What's God like?
The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork
Psalm 19:1
Ever wonder what God is like? Maybe you even wonder if there is one!
Look up. See for yourself.
Examine the skies. Their expanse. Their beauty. Their unsearchable heights.
In the daytime. The skies cause us to open our eyes wide in appreciation.
At night. They take our breath away.
The glory of God declared.
His works displayed.
Too majestic for words. Too mysterious for explanation. Too wonderful to ignore.
Worthy of all our praise.
Today at noon. Tonight before bed. Go look up. See for yourself. The glory of God.
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork
Psalm 19:1
Ever wonder what God is like? Maybe you even wonder if there is one!
Look up. See for yourself.
Examine the skies. Their expanse. Their beauty. Their unsearchable heights.
In the daytime. The skies cause us to open our eyes wide in appreciation.
At night. They take our breath away.
The glory of God declared.
His works displayed.
Too majestic for words. Too mysterious for explanation. Too wonderful to ignore.
Worthy of all our praise.
Today at noon. Tonight before bed. Go look up. See for yourself. The glory of God.
A Grandmother's Love
To Katie, Trey, Blake, Mary, Elizabeth, Chip, and Betsy
I was cleaning up my kitchen with no intent to eavesdrop but then I heard my Mom in the next room extolling the virtues of each grandchild. Deciding to scrub the sink til it was shiny, I moved closer to the wall between us....
My folks moved in with us last year and it's been a sweet time of transition. They've loved the close proximity of seven practically perfect grandchildren (with four obligatory adults thrown in for good measure) and we've enjoyed their company. Pulling up 50+year old roots is never easy, though. The adjustment has been made much easier because my AT&T hubby figured out a way to let them keep their landline number. Friends can stay in touch with ease. Thank goodness.
And it was one of those friends who phoned this morning that got to hear about the grands. Not sure if the conversation will remain on her radar but it's one I will surely treasure forever. I wish the spectacular seven could've somehow listened in as well.
There is no doubt in any of our minds how much my folks love these kids. Not one shred. They've enjoyed each stage reached, every feat attempted, and all the experiences shared. They've cheered and defended and supported. They've applauded and worried and bragged. And they've made it abundantly clear that they love these kids. Oh, how they've loved the spectacular seven! The "wonderful one-rs", they say.
So it was not surprising to hear my Mother lauding the virtues of her grands. But, as expected as that was, her perspective on each individual one was overpowering. I wish how I wish that they could have heard her. And even more so to see themselves through her eyes. She wasn't boasting. She wasn't grandstanding. She wasn't even enlarging the truth.
She was just describing them from her perspective, calling it like she saw it. Oh, for the gift of seeing oneself through such eyes of love!
I'll not share the specifics of what I overheard today. Some things are just meant to be kept personal. But my everlasting prayer is that these kids of mine and those of my brother would somehow see themselves as their grandmother does.
I think it's a whole lot like the way our Heavenly Father sees His kids..............
I was cleaning up my kitchen with no intent to eavesdrop but then I heard my Mom in the next room extolling the virtues of each grandchild. Deciding to scrub the sink til it was shiny, I moved closer to the wall between us....
My folks moved in with us last year and it's been a sweet time of transition. They've loved the close proximity of seven practically perfect grandchildren (with four obligatory adults thrown in for good measure) and we've enjoyed their company. Pulling up 50+year old roots is never easy, though. The adjustment has been made much easier because my AT&T hubby figured out a way to let them keep their landline number. Friends can stay in touch with ease. Thank goodness.
And it was one of those friends who phoned this morning that got to hear about the grands. Not sure if the conversation will remain on her radar but it's one I will surely treasure forever. I wish the spectacular seven could've somehow listened in as well.
There is no doubt in any of our minds how much my folks love these kids. Not one shred. They've enjoyed each stage reached, every feat attempted, and all the experiences shared. They've cheered and defended and supported. They've applauded and worried and bragged. And they've made it abundantly clear that they love these kids. Oh, how they've loved the spectacular seven! The "wonderful one-rs", they say.
So it was not surprising to hear my Mother lauding the virtues of her grands. But, as expected as that was, her perspective on each individual one was overpowering. I wish how I wish that they could have heard her. And even more so to see themselves through her eyes. She wasn't boasting. She wasn't grandstanding. She wasn't even enlarging the truth.
She was just describing them from her perspective, calling it like she saw it. Oh, for the gift of seeing oneself through such eyes of love!
I'll not share the specifics of what I overheard today. Some things are just meant to be kept personal. But my everlasting prayer is that these kids of mine and those of my brother would somehow see themselves as their grandmother does.
I think it's a whole lot like the way our Heavenly Father sees His kids..............