Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things I Corinthians 13:4-7
Love does not take into account a wrong suffered.
Before diving into this verse, let’s look at another verse that will set the stage for us. Romans 10:8 says Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another. So basically, we owe love to everyone. Anything less than love means that we are in debt to them.
The Greek word used here in the Corinthians passage (logizomai) is a bookkeeper’s term, the word used for entering an item into a ledger so that it can be accounted for and not forgotten. What great imagery! Is that not an accurate picture of how we respond to the offenses committed against us? We “write down” the debit transaction incurred by another so that we might deal with it later. Perhaps we do not react immediately to a trepasss against us but we store it up in our heart, stew over it, take revenge or at least complain about – uh, “share” – it with others so that they, too, might make an entry in their ledger.
But that’s not what LOVE does. Love does not ignore or deny the wrongdoing but, instead of recording it as a debt owed, love erases the debt…by paying it oneself. That’s right. Love does not take revenge but rather love forgives. That does not mean that we pretend the wrong never occurred. That would actually be foolish and unhealthy! But love does not hold the offender responsible for paying the debt. Love releases the offender and refuses to keep a record of their action. But since the lack of love resulted in a debt owed, love pays the debt for the offender. Just like Jesus did at Calvary.
How do we pay the debt that another person owes us? In God’s amazing economy, that payment can be made in a thousand different ways. It can be the absence of wrong action (as in not “telling your story” or not treating them as they well deserve) and it can be the presence of right action (blessing the offender in some way, praying for them, showing kindness to them). And, what a delight that God’s economy works just fine with the installment plan! He allows us to make these payments for others’ debts a little at a time if we need to!
As you read through this today, did your heart remember a debt that you are owed? Are you willing to not take it into account…will you forgive that debt and pay it yourself?
Praying for results
James 5:16 says The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous
man availeth much.
The King James version is so rich. It’s an oft quoted verse that rolls off our
tongue but do we really grasp what I it means?
Let’s unpack it…
“Effectual” – this means “effective”. Well, duh, of course we want effective
prayers! The question is – how to do
that? How can we pray effectively? How do we pray so that He will answer with
“yes”? How do we pray “according to His
will”?
We pray His Word! His
Word is His Will! So when we pray His
Word, we can know He says Yes! How do we
do that? We will see in just a
second. Let’s unpack the rest of the
verse first…
“Prayer of a righteous man(woman)” – you might think,
there’s the catch, I’m not righteous enough! Thankfully, the effectiveness and
the much availing of our prayers does not depend on our righteousness! If we are in Christ, then His righteousness
is counted as ours. Hallelujah! Our fellowship with the Father can be
affected by our sin (Psalm 66:18) but our right standing before Him – and His
hearing of our prayers – is not based on our ability to be righteous.
“Availeth much” – brings about great and mighty work! The
work of our powerful and loving Heavenly Father. Working good in the lives of people. Granting good gifts. Changing the hearts of those in
authority. Bringing light into darkness.
Guidance and direction for us to follow.
Provision for our lack. Yes, that is the “much” we desire!
All this is the work of God.
What is our part?
“Fervent”. Showing
great intensity and perseverance. That
is our part. Persistent praying. Faithful faith. Deep desire. Although even this is possible because God
grants us His grace, this is where we have a part in seeing our prayers
answered. God is looking for women who
are willing to pray (Ezekiel 22:30) so that He might answer. He wants women who will not give up but will
persevere in praying.
Will you be one?
Here are some effectual prayers we righteous women can pray
fervently…and watch Him avail much!
For joy (Philippians 3:1)
For no bitterness (Hebrews 12:15)
For Godly friends (Proverbs 13:20)
For diligence (Romans 12:11)
To not be critical (Romans 14:13)
To have a
servant’s heart (Philippians 2:3)
When one Mama grieves, we all do
Yesterday four UGA Mama's got up never expecting that April 27 would be the day they had to live the nightmare that every parent fears - the loss of a child. And every other UGA Mama - probably every single Mama everywhere - is heartbroken for them.
And while I didn't know these young women, I do not have to in order to grieve for their families and friends. And to want to help, to ease their pain, to carry their burden with them.
Every parent's nightmare. I wish my computer could type out some words that could help but all Mamas everywhere know there just aren't any.
But for those of us walking beside the hurting, here's some things I've learned to do...and not to do.
When those five precious GSU students were tragically lost this very same week a year ago, here are some of the things I shared. Maybe they will help some of those alongside these grieving UGA Moms...
1. Don't say you know how they feel.
You don't
. Unless you have been exactly where they are (in which case, you probably know not to say this anyway), you do
not
know how they feel.
2. Don't try to make sense of the tragedy. There isn't any.
3. Don't tell them "time will heal". It won't. The empty place at the dinner table, the absence at Christmas, the birthdays that won't be celebrated - those don't "heal". While it is true that they can and may very well learn to live and love and even laugh again
some day
, right now they don't need an empty promise that time will heal.
4. Don't say "let me know if I can do anything". They won't.
5. Don't tell them what they
ought
to feel or what they
ought
to do. That's not up to you.
6. Don't tell them "she's in a better place". That may be true (if the one that was lost knows Christ, it is definitely true!) but that's not what they are grieving. They are grieving that she isn't in the place of being beside them and never will be again.
7. Don't avoid seeing them because you don't know what to say or do. I have some suggestions.
Here goes:
1. Be there. if you are connected to these families, go. Yes, it matters if you go. And if you don't. The grieving person knows you can't fix this and they don't expect you to. But being there says you care. Go. That helps.
2. What to say? Just say "I'm sorry and I am hurting with you." Let them see you grieve, cry, and hurt. Shared pain is healing. Hurt with them.
3. What to do? Mow their lawn. Take food. Clean their house. Take their kids to get their haircut (or whatever!!!!). Look around at what needs to be done and just do it. Someone close to the situation will know their needs - ask
that person
and then just do it.
(I am not advocating taking over all their decisions and controlling their lives but I am saying to take care of what needs to be done so they don't have to do it right now)
4.
Do
talk about the one that's gone. The ones that are left
want
to talk about them. They need to know that someone else thinks about them, remembers them, loves them still. A dear neighbor of mine in NC lost her college age son and she shared with me that she loved it when friends would talk about Bryan. She thinks about him every single day and to know that someone else does too is a tremendous comfort.
5. Share a specific memory or significance about the one who is lost. A letter is a great way to do this because it can be read and re-read, treasured forever.
6. Remember their birthday.
7. Make a gift that will honor the person who died. Maybe to their favorite charity. Or a tree that can be planted in their memory. One of my fav things is to give daffodil bulbs - those are my favorite flower and when they bloom, it's a reminder that I love them as well as that their loved one will always be remembered.
8. Give them space. Let them move along at whatever pace they need. It takes divine wisdom to know when to go and when to leave but grief is not an orchestrated dance. It's more like a staccato rhythm and if we want to help, we have to be sensitive enough to realize there will be different needs at different times. Adjust.
9. Don't compromise Truth
but
be content that it doesn't have to be absorbed all at once or on any particular schedule.
In God's time
, there will be appropriate ways to comfort them with the Truth that we don't grieve as those without hope. In other words, it's really OK for them to feel angry sometimes. Let them process. Let them grieve. God doesn't reject our emotions. Read the Psalms if you doubt what I say.
10. Just LOVE. Love wins. Love heals. Love never fails. If you are at a loss for what to say or do from time to time, that's OK. Just love them. Follow up next month and six months from now and next year and six years from now. Do not disappear once everyone else goes back to "normal".
11.
And remember the ones who survived the wreck.
That is a whole 'nother level of pain. Don't think they aren't hurting as well.
To all the UGA Mamas, to the whole BullDAWG Nation, we are all grieving. Athens is a small town , we all love our University, and when pain touches there, it touches us all. This is inestimable loss and it is right to grieve. For as long as necessary. You are not alone. Our community, our state, even our whole nation is right beside you.
And while I do not have answers, I do have Jesus and He has not left you. He will carry you when you cannot walk. He will hold you tight when you are scared. He will wipe your tears with His own scarred hand.
I do not know why He allowed such devastating loss. But I know He will never leave you and He has not forsaken you. He loves you.
So do I.
Go Dawgs.
Love does not...
Love is patient and kind; love does
not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own
way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but
rejoices with the truth. Love bears all
things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7
Love does not insist on
its own way.
In other
words, love is not selfish. As we’ve
seen in the other descriptions, there is not a particle of selfishness in
love. It seeks the good of others above
self. It’s as though the inspired word
of the Holy Spirit wants to underscore that thought for emphasis. In case we missed it before, we see it
spelled out explicitly here – love does not insist on its own way…it is not
selfish.
Being “not
selfish” requires humility. Not
assertiveness. This flies in the face of
much of what we are instructed by the world.
Stand up for yourself. Claim your
rights (even as a Christian!). Look out for yourself. At least, take care of yourself! But God instructs us differently. In Philippians 2:3-8, He says
Do
nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one
another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own
personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was
also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not
regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the
form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He
humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a
cross
Nothing from selfishness or empty conceit. Wow.
That’s a tall order indeed! But
that is what love does. It submits to
God’s way, gladly yielding to His will and obeys His Word. How can we do that? It seems impossible!
It is only
possible if we trust Him. If we know
that He is our defense, that He is at work to accomplish that which is good for us, and that His ways are always
good. Then we can abandon our own
selfish agenda and entrust ourselves to Him.
Because He loves us and gave His Son for us…and freely gives us all
things.
That’s love
worth trusting.
Love is NOT..
Love is patient and kind; love does
not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own
way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but
rejoices with the truth. Love bears all
things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7
We are
working our way through this passage…now we come to this description of love –
Love is not arrogant or
rude.
Some
translations say “it is not arrogant and does not act unbecomingly”. I like that explanation.
First, let’s
address the arrogance. Simply put, LOVE
esteems others as more important than ourselves. When we love, we seek to lift others up,
prioritize what is best for others, and not assume that our position/opinion/view
is the right one. Now, just a word of caution
– I do not think that Scripture is advocating a miserable existence where we
denigrate ourselves and consider our lives to be worthless. That is actually just another expression of
arrogance! Because arrogance is self-consumption and deflation of others. Love is, instead, self-forgetfulness and the valuing of others. Love is not arrogant because love does not
focus on self.
That’s why the “love is not rude” admonition
follows – rudeness is a lack of consideration of others. Plain and simple. From civility of manners to common courtesies to respectful public behavior (including
social media…), love is not rude. It
does not treat others in an impolite, thoughtless or mean way. It
just does not.
I wonder how
many relationships could be repaired if we just would choose to reject arrogance
and rudeness. And I wonder how many
relationships are fractured because we didn’t…
I believe
that Christians should place a high value on treating others with respect and
courtesy. We need to train our children to do so…and we need to model it
ourselves. Ask God to show you if there
is a relationship or a situation where you have displayed arrogance or rudeness. Then repent and be reconciled.
That’s what
Love does.