Sometimes life's just hard

Famous line from Remember the Titans - "sometimes life's just hard. for no reason at all."  Coach Boone's wife commenting and consoling after the tragic accident of young Gary Bertier.

I love that movie.  And I can relate to that line. I prefer to blog positive, uplifting, even humorous posts but sometimes life's just hard.  Right now I have friends wrestling with really hard stuff.  Marriages in crisis (as in peril - not just a spat about where to spend the holidays).  A Mom struggling to preserve a pregnancy.  Valiant battles with cancer or other diseases.  Parents with rebellious kids. People that are hurting, really hurting. Even the carnage from Sandy in the NE.

I am sure you have the same situations and more keeping you on your knees.  As much as I hurt for my friends, as much as I cry out to Heaven on their behalf, I very much realize that I get a break from their pain.  I can find respite in the normalcy of my days.  They can't.  This reality is piercing.

So what are we to do?  I don't have steps 1,2,3 to make it all better.  All I know is to pray.  REALLY pray.  And sometimes there are things we can do that help.  Pray about what those are - don't assume you know.  While I don't recommend barging in and taking over, I think we should just do some things....not just say "let me know if I can help."  When folks are hurting, they probably don't know or won't ask what you can do to help.

  And I think it is right to hurt with them.  God help us if our hearts cease to hurt with those who hurt.  Bearing burdens.  I know it doesn't remove the load but it helps to know someone else cares enough to hurt on your behalf.

Back to that line from Coach Boone's wife....."for no reason at all".  I have to take issue with that part. As a Christ-follower, I know that nothing that happens to me is "for no reason at all".  It may be Eternity before I see the reason, but I walk in confidence that there is one.  And that it is good.  Because He is good...all the time. 

I know because He tells me so in His Word.  He promises me that all His ways are loving and faithful. That all things work together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.  That He is always at work on my behalf.  That all His plans are to prosper me and to reveal His glory. That He will never leave me. And that His grace is sufficient for all my days.

And His Word is truer than my circumstances.

This post originally appeared on February 7, 2013

Sharing an idea on growing kids

My husband is the sentimental kind.  He is always doing something romantic or heartwarming or meaningfully symbolic. Plus he is very imaginative.  (I, on the other hand, believe deeply that creativity is the art of concealing your sources!)  But I digress.  I am about to share one of his great ideas and you can borrow it.  He made it up but it's not patented or copyrighted or anything so feel free to plagiarize.

When we brought Katie, our firstborn, home from the hospital, Paul made a trip to the nursery.  But not upstairs to her room - he went to the  other  kind, you know, where you get trees. He bought a little sapling of his most favorite kind of tree - sugar maple - and cut it to the exact length that Katie measured on the day she made her entrance at Piedmont Hospital.  (Actually, he bought TWO of them because he knew I would suffer a fit of apoplexy if the tree died.  So we had "the Katie Tree"....and backup....he is a very wise husband...just sayin...)

Three years later, Paul made another nursery trip to purchase a Mary tree (OK, he got two of them again.  I still haven't changed.)  We loved those trees.  We made pictures of the girls on their birthdays  beside the trees, watching all of them grow.

And then we had to leave the Katie and Mary trees.  The phone company wanted Paul in NC and he felt that would be too long a commute.  I thought we should uproot those maples and take them with us but he felt they should stay. Sort of our contribution to the ecosystem, I guess.  A group of very loving and amazingly thoughtful friends from church supplied us with a gift certificate to a nursery in Charlotte....to buy new Katie and Mary trees.  And that's exactly what we did.

After a couple of years of watering and fertilizing, the phone company wanted us to leave those trees in Charlotte so we planted new Katie and Mary trees....and added a Chip tree in Greensboro, NC.  And kept making pictures.  Kept watching all of them grow. 

One day, the phone company wanted to plant trees in Georgia so we relocated to Watkinsville.  The Katie and Mary and Chip trees are growing strong.  We've even added a Betsy tree.  When I pull into my driveway, especially this time of year, I see each of those gorgeous maples and thank God...for those trees....for those kids.....for that sentimental husband.

Those trees keep growing.  (Pretty funny that the Chip tree has outgrown the other three!)  And as they grow, they need our nurturing less and less.  But we get to keep enjoying them.  Admiring their beauty.  Watching them change.  And eventually, they'll be big enough to give us some good shade.  Trees.  Parenting.

Oh, and for the record, I hope the phone company doesn't want us to plant trees anywhere else.  These maples would really miss me.

The secret to JOY...

One of the major blocks of joy in our lives is when we don't know the secret.

The secret that produces a spirit of joy and of gratitude.

The secret that brings satisfaction to our soul and that makes others enjoy being with us.

The secret that, when we lack it, causes angst and anxiety. And bitterness and disagreement. And even fear and depression.

So what's the secret? And how do we get it?

Paul tells us in Philippians 4:11,12 -  Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

There's the secret.

Contentment.

In whatever circumstances. 

Contentment - being satisfied with what I have, not wanting anything more.                           That is what brings us joy. 

When I am in humble means - in other words, when it seems like there is something I need but I don't have it.  How can I have joy then?

A few thoughts - 

 Maybe I think I need more than I do. I Timothy 6:8 says If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.

That pares down the list of "needs", doesn't it?  Food and covering.

Gulp.

Not a new car or a lavishly furnished home. Not "successful" children or even a loving spouse. Not time for myself or a beach vacation. 

Food and covering.

Thought # 1 - expect to deserve nothing more than food and covering. An attitude of entitlement leads to depression but gratitude comes when we don't think we deserve any more than food and covering.

Thought #2 - Psalm 84:11 tells us No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. If there is something I want and I don't have it, I can trust my Father that, in  my life, it wouldn't be a good thing. It might look like a good thing, it might even be a good thing for someone else, but if God has withheld it from me, it's not a good thing for me to have.

Thought #3 - If there is something that I need, I can be confident that the promise in Philippians 4:19 is solid and true - My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

When we don't have what we think we need, we become discontent. And we lose our joy. But if we learn to expect that all we need is food and covering, then we become very grateful for whatever we have. We learn contentment.  We learn to trust our Father. We watch Him meet our needs. We are thankful. And we are filled with joy.

Sometimes it's not the lack of things that saps our joy, it's the abundance. We don't know how to live in abundance. (Right now some of you are saying - just give me the chance! :) )

I think that perhaps the greatest lack of joy I observe are in people who live in prosperity. Folks who have not learned the secret of contentment in times of abundance. "Too much" becomes a burden, causes stress, and even creates dissatisfaction to the point of wanting more and more and more. Unable to be satisfied.  Joy is lost.

So how do we learn to be content and joyful in the midst of abundance?

By grasping the truth that, when God blesses us materially or otherwise, it is not so much to raise our standard of living as it is to raise our standard of giving. 

When we have have more than we need, God wants us to GIVE.

2 Corinthians 8:14,15 puts it this way - At the present time, your abundance being a supply for their want, that their abundance also may become a supply for your want, that there may be equality; as it is written, "He who gathered much did not have too much and he who gathered little had no lack."

No, I am not advocating socialism but I am suggesting that the greatest joy comes from when we give to others. Double joy - to the recipient and to the giver.

Just to close with a couple more thoughts - one, this secret of contentment is not natural. It is not something we are born with or are gifted with. Paul says he learned it.  We have to learn it, too. 

We learn it through doing it.  
And practice makes perfect.

Last thought - the key to contentment is the grace of God working in us. This truth is conveyed in a verse that is used in all sorts of contexts (maybe appropriate, maybe not) but it is very significant that Scripture shares it where it is....in the context of learning contentment....Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Amen.