This tip is difficult to embrace when you are hurting. But it is necessary because it's the truth.
Tip # 19 - It's not all about you.
Feelings of despair or depression can so cloud our thinking that we can hardly see beyond our own pain. But if we are to get out of the pit, we must do just that. When our own heart is in ICU, we must realize that manifestations of our own hurt can do great damage to others. I am not suggesting that we are to fake joy or go on a guilt trip so as to avoid inflicting pain on those we love but I do want us to face this reality so that we will be motivated to move out of despair and into joy. Spouses and children and beloved others are wounded when we remain in the pit. They not only feel helpless to fix things but also usually feel responsible for our pain. These reactions to our pain can often catapult them into a pit of their own.
So tip #19 is to get our eyes off ourselves and acknowledge the impact we have on others. Use that as impetus to take the business of joy seriously. A joyful Mom (or sister or daughter or wife or friend) is a wonderfully powerful influence on others. Refer to all previous "be happy tips" so as to respond to this one!
Be happy - tip # 18
Tip # 18 - Don't trust your feelings.
That sounds odd. We are trying to learn how to be happy, how to overcome depression or despair -- and I tell you not to trust your feelings????
Absolutely. Feelings can be marvelous toppings to the sundae of life but they are not the ice cream. They can change quickly, unexpectedly, and fleetingly. And when they do, they change a chocolate sundae to a caramel one. Or a strawberry sundae to something fit for the trash can....when topped with Ragu instead of sweet fruit!
Just because we "feel" something, doesn't make it true. (Case in point - did you wind up marrying that boy that you LOOOOOOOOOOVED so much in 6th grade? For most of us, those particular feelings didn't last. Good thing.)
All feelings should be held against the standard of Truth. If they don't line up, the feelings - not the Truth - is what needs changing.
"But this is how I feel!" I know. And feelings are powerful emotions. They not only affect our behavior, they often direct it. I am not suggesting that you deny the feeling. Just change it. So, how do we change what we feel? By what we think. FEELING FOLLOWS THINKING. We must discipline ourselves to think on what is true. Over and over and over and over. Eventually, our feelings will line up with truth.
Feeling rejected? Focus not only on your complete acceptance in Christ, but also evaluate what's making you feel rejected. You got left out of a get-together that sounds like a lot of fun. Don't assume it's because you aren't liked. Instead, assume the best and move on.
Feeling alone? In addition to reminding yourself that Jesus says He will never leave us or forsake us, call to mind times when you have enjoyed times with friends. And then choose to be a friend to someone else. To have friends, one must show herself friendly.
Feeling stupid? One mistake (or two or three or four...) does not equate to failure. Instead, realize that now you know how NOT to do something. And accept that Wonder Woman is just on the cartoons. (Who wants to wear that ridiculous outfit anyway!!!!)
On and on the list goes. Take your thought captive. Make it yield to the Truth. Be consistent. And good feelings will follow.
Promise.
Be happy - tip # 17
Tip # 17 - Be thankful.
Grateful people are happy people. And happy people are grateful people. Without exception. Cultivating a spirit of gratitude is a potently positive action. It changes our perspective, our feelings, our responses, and our behavior. Oh, and it has a marvelous effect on our surroundings, too!
I recommend making it a habit to not only frequently list things for which you are thankful, but also to thank God for His generous gifts and to thank other people, too. First, thank the Lord. Then express thanks - in person, on the phone, and, my personal fav, in a note, to someone else. Powerful, absolutely powerful.
Try it. Today.
Be happy - tip #16
Do you ever have those times when you just feel like crying? Maybe there's seemingly no basis for it but there wells up within you a thundercloud of tears. Usually at a time when you can't hide and cry! Those emotions need an outlet. It doesn't have to be via a sob but they need an outlet. The expression can be in a positive way instead of stuffing it into depression or exploding into destructive outbursts.
Tip #16 - Just do something.
I think it was Elisabeth Eliot who said "When you don't know what to do, just do the next thing." That's sort of the same point I am making here. When we can't shake the blues, do something productive. Doesn't have to be big or impressive - just get something done. Sweep your kitchen floor. Write that Thank you note that should have been written 2 weeks ago. Bake a batch of cookies (just don't eat the whole thing by yourself - you'll be even more sad! Take a plate to your neighbor!) Finish that report at work (even though it is an exercise in futility and you know it - your boss wants you to do it anyway so just do it!) Get the bills paid. Wash some windows. Make that doctor's appointment.Weed the flower bed - if you don't have a flower bed, plant one! Resist the urge to sit down and "veg". The key is to do something productive, preferably something that doesn't indulge yourself.
I keep a pad of paper by the phone in my kitchen and I use it as a running to-do list. All sorts of things that I need to get done. Some short term (buy stamps). Some long term (refinish that table for the breakfast room) A perpetual menu of errands and projects and chores! I check it many times a day to jog my memory...and my motivation...to get things accomplished.
When I am tempted to retreat to the couch, I remind myself of that list. And I remember how satisfying it is to mark something off it. So I make myself do something - anything - just for that sense of accomplishment. Yes, I have been known to add things to it that I have already done --- just so I can relish the feeling of marking it off!!
Procrastination is fuel for the fire of depression. So is slothfulness. Annihilate them both - get something done.
Be happy - tip #15
Today's "Be Happy" tip is also this week's Wednesday's Word. It's powerful. This may very well be the cure for every spiritual and emotional ill. It's that powerful.
Tip #15 - To know the love of Christ.
Wait - don't gloss over this. I know it sounds simple, especially if you are a seasoned follower of Christ. Hear me out. I believe that the foundation of despair, of hopelessness, of pretty much all sin, is a lack of embracing this truth.
When the Apostle Paul wrote the letter to the church at Epheseus, he knew he was communicating with folks who were already believers. He addressed them as "faithful saints" in chapter 1. So these folks were obviously not unfamiliar with the love of Christ. And, yet, in chapter 3, his desire for them was that they be bold and confident and not lose heart...and his prayer was "that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God" (vs. 17-19)
Knowing that we are loved is a powerful force. God created us all with a need to be loved - that is not a weakness nor a handicap but rather a God-given need. Just like we need air, we need love. And just like we will fight and struggle against something that blocks our air intake, so we will also strive and wrestle to be loved. To feel loved. And, just like our physical bodies can pass out when air is withheld too long, so our spirits can become weak, listless, despondent when we don't feel loved.
The problem is not that we are NOT loved - we are!!! It's that we don't KNOW it enough. That's why all the way through Scripture, God tells us over and over and over again that He loves us. He loves us so much that we cannot even comprehend it. And He loved us before we were worthy of being loved. And here's a most amazing truth to me - He doesn't love me because He made me....He made me because He loved me. Did you get that??? He dreamed me up and loved the idea of ME, so He made me. He orchestrated all the details of my birth and my time in history and my coming to Him, just exactly in the way that pleased Him, in the way best assured the development of my relationship to Him. Same for you. He loves you...so He made you...for Himself.
Knowing we are loved gives us confidence and joy. We can withstand rejection and disappointment and pain because we are enclosed in the arms of the One who loves us without limit. We don't need circumstances to line up just right or people to treat us just so in order to be happy. We are loved. Absolutely. Completely.
So, what if you don't feel like you are loved? Well, first thing, God's Word says you are and His Word is true-er than your feelings. You need to repent of believing a lie and turn towards the truth. And then, run to Him with your heart. Ask Him to cause your heart to respond to His love.
That 3rd chapter of Ephesians ends with great assurance of His desire and ability to help you know His love. Vs 20-21 "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus, throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."